stick your stickers

I’ve never really understood people’s need to cover their car in stickers

Like I want the opinion of a stranger, when I’m looking at his arse at a red light

Because 9 times out of 10, I don’t agree with their crap and slogans and political points of view

And by the time that light turns green, I’m ready to ram ’em

Or at least gun it past them while giving them my best DILLIGAF salute

And then came these..

The ‘stick figure family stickers’

I know you’ve seen them

They’re fucking everywhere

And yes, I  hate them

Very, very much

I don’t understand the point of these

None of my friends have them on their cars because they’re fucking normal so I can’t ask them

Do any of YOU guys have them?

I promise not to give you shit if you can explain the purpose of them to me

‘Cause I do not, for the life of me, understand WHY you would put stickers on the back of your car to indicate how many kids / dogs / husbands you have

Maybe I’m being a bit Judgy McJudgston over here (how unusual)

But they just come across as really stupid

And then you see people who are all, well I WANT stick family stickers on my car too

But mine are going to be cool ones!

No they’re NOT

Just fucking STOP it

Really….who gives a fuck?

Not me

I don’t give a shit how many people you popped out your vag

Or how many pets you have

Cars are for driving

Not for talking on phone

Not for eating your meals in

Or doing your make up

And not NOT NOT for showing the car behind you a 2D drawing (that a 3 year could do better) of whoever the fuck has the same last name as you 

I realise it’s a bit tragic just how irritated these make me

I hope they’re a fad that dies a sudden death and never gets repeated

Unlike fluro leg warmers and side ponytails

Which, it turns out, are even MORE fab the second time around

Especially for soccer mums / comedians / opinionated moles like myself

TRUST ME.

And no, you can’t see a photo of me right now 

jules & bazza, sitting in a tree

Please forgive me for the eleventy-hundred pics in this post

Or don’t

I just wanted sufficient documentation

Proof, if you like

That the Australian Prime Minister, Julia Gilliard, is a hussy

You see, U.S. President, Barack Obama, just did a whirlwind visit to Oz

And in that time

Our chief Fanta Pants, could not stay away from the poor dude

Like, followed his arse EVA-REE-WHERE

Giving him her best “yes big boy….the curtains DO match the carpet…let me show you” look

Trying to stick her tongue in his ear at every opportunity

I mean, the dude’s married to one of the hottest black women on the planet

With a set of biceps that would mangle old mango mutt up in a minute

No ranga, not even a powerful stupid one could stand a chance

I mean, Bazza’s kinda handsome and all

But geez Jules, you’ve got a hairdresser who the whole world knows is a raging poof fella of your own at home

You can’t have everything you want you know

You already fucked one powerful man

I think that might be enough now

Not that you’re going to listen to a voice of reason

Apparently once you’ve dreamed of having had Barack…you can’t go back

Slut.