Dear Peeps that take offence to me writing a blog with, and I quote

“…foul language, disrespect and consistent blasphemous themes”

Maybe you should spend more time grooming your cats or ingrown facial hair

And by all means, feel free to go fuck yourself NOT READ this shit any more, genius.

So that’s Halloween done & dusted for another year

Which means for the next week (at least) we follow each meal with a handful of lollies

Let the dentists of the world celebrate!

We carved pumpkins

Actually, M&M caved their pumpkins

I bought them these cool little battery operated pumpkin saws to use

Thinking they would be kid friendly

Magoo still managed to draw blood

But she’s got a bit of a gift for the ‘clumsy-break-shit-woops-how-did-THAT-happen’

I remember when they couldn’t even pick the pumpkins UP, they were so little

*simultaneous sob & snot wipe*

Trick or treating was awesome this year

The weather stayed great

There were trick-or-treaters all over the neighbourhood

And the kids scored the mother-load of treats

We took the kids out twice

Once, straight after school . Then again after dinner

We didn’t take Fluffy out the first time – he was too busy chewing up his skeleton costume

Fucker

But even without Fluffy

We still managed to make all the little kids either

A) cry

B) run away screaming

C) wet their pants

And in one case, all of the above

I think it may have had something to do with Diamond’s clown costume

Apparently clown costumes freak some people out

I mean it’s one thing to embarrass the shit out of your OWN kids

Realistically, our kids are pretty use to that

But to walk the streets frightening ALL the kids?

I reckon there’s some little buggers that will probably be too scared to even leave their houses next Halloween

What kind of adult / grownup / should know better, would DO that?

MEEE!

Even after coming to New Zealand for more than 20 years

There’s still places Dad hasn’t been to

And tonight’s gig, Kaikoura is one of them

Such a gorgeous little town

With mountains on one side

And the ocean on the other

It’s a popular tourist destination for whale watching

And it makes for some spectacular scenery

It also makes for some pretty frigid weather

Which is the reason for these monstrosities, disguised as hats

The two of us walking down the main street with these on this afternoon

It looked like the ‘special’ bus had lost a couple of passengers

Even Mum wouldn’t walk with us

Whatever…our ears were way warmer than hers

Even with our smashing’ fashion

We didn’t scare the locals off

I don’t think you could fit one more person in this venue tonight

Beautiful town

Full of 100% lovely, genuine people

Well, it will be tomorrow

Once the village idiots leave town

So you’re having a bad day?

Everyone has then every now and then

I’m sure for some of you, today is your turn

How do I know this?

Well never let it be said that I’m not in tune with your vibes slash aura slash cranky face

Plus, 3 of the 4 people I have spoken to on the phone this morning have been utter crab arses sounded a bit grumpified

Me?

I’m all good

If you don’t count my red-raw puffy allergy eyes that look like two piss holes in the snow

Like I went 4 rounds with Mike Tyson

That my eyelids swallowed golf balls

And I look like a stoned gold fish

But yeah, other than that, I’m looking my usual cute self

You only have to look at pics like this

To feel better about your day

Imagine being these poor bastards?

So repeat after me…

It’s not that bad - It’s not that bad -It’s not that bad -It’s not that bad -It’s not that bad -It’s not that bad -It’s not that bad -It’s not that bad -It’s not that bad -It’s not that bad -It’s not that bad -It’s not that bad -It’s not that bad -It’s not that bad - It’s not that bad

And remember, when you drive with paint in the back seat

PUT A LID ON IT, you fucktard.

*thanks Brett!