I’ve been bordering on MIA with the posting of late

Was it the kids going back to school?

Or maybe a bout of gastro that wiped Magoo & I out – but at least got our post Christmas house, bleached, disinfected and spotless once again

Am I just being lazy?

It’s kind of a bit of everything

But mainly, it’s this

See, I found a way for me to stay on the treadmill for more than 8 minutes, before giving up in boredom….AND use the much neglected iPad

I found Sons of Anarchy on Netflix. And for someone that doesn’t watch television, I have FALLEN HARD.

Like, I totally understand how housewives don’t shower, ignore their families, live in sweat pants, survive on take out, and let their whole world revolve around their favourite  TV shows

My fucking God. Have you seen this show? You probably have. Because apparently the rest of the world has already known about this shit for years. It’s won Emmys, has crazy high ratings, and is heading into it’s 5th season this year, while I have been oblivious

I usually can’t sit still enough to watch episode of any show. I get fidgety, my ADD kicks in, and I head off to start and unfinish something else

But this, this is my crack, my latest obsession and possibly my downfall

I started just watching half an episode each morning on the treadmill. Which lasted 3 days. Until I caved and started carrying the iPad around like an appendage.

Cook dinner with one arm. Hold iPad and watch SOA at the same time, you get the idea. Basically, things that require 2 arms, or my full attention, are fucked until I’m up-to-date with this show

I’ve become that lady; in her pyjamas, headphones on (they swear like motherfuckers, so yeah, not for kids this one) glass of wine in one hand, iPad in the other and yell at the screen. And sometimes cry.

I do so.

I’m almost done watching the second season and I actually have a headache from all the non-stop TV watching

Once I’ve caught up on the show, I have to wait until FUCKING SEPTEMBER before the new season starts. Then watch it once a week, with ads. Like normal people.

Fuck.

Diamond says I only watch it for the blonde hottie that plays Jax

I assured him that blonde boys have never been my type except David Beckham

Plus, he may look dreamy in a biker jacket

But I bet dude wouldn’t have a clue how to build an igloo

Now, where’s the fucking iPad?

 

 

Nine years of being married to me?

There’s gotta be some kind of award out there for that

Or discount coupon for week’s stay at a psych ward

I’m glad we’re still crazy after all these years

Happy Anniversary baby

 

 

Rememberance Day,Veteran’s Day, Poppy Day

Whatever you call it, 11-11-11 is a great day to remember those who have served for your country

Macaroni & Magoo’s school held a fantastic assembly to honor the day

The kids sang patriotic songs, waved flags, read essays they’d written about what a veteran means to them

And whether they knew it or not, were learning to respect the people that have, and continue sacrifice for their freedoms

Diamond’s Dad, who served in Vietnam, came with us. He doesn’t say much about his time there, but I could see the pride on his face as he watched his granddaughters and all their little friends show their pride for their country and it’s veterans

The girls, in turn, were beyond chuffed to have their very own veteran to honour

I can’t tell you how wonderful I think it is  that ceremonies like this take place all over the world

So many kids at the school have family members currently serving overseas. I got more than teared up seeing those kids, wearing hats from their family member’s branch of the military, proudly march through the gym carrying flags

They even had a bagpiper play Amazing Grace. And that was the end of me

Magoo got to say the pledge of Allegiance, which she nailed. If you don’t count that it sounded more like the Pwedge of Awegiance

But my favourite part, was actually one of the veterans who assisted in the flag folding. After explaining to the kids about the significance of the flag & how it’s folded (read about it here)

He told everyone that he was at the Lincoln National Cemetery yesterday, and he folded a flag to present to a family of fallen soldier.

He presented 11 flags, at 11 soldier’s funerals yesterday. You could feel his sadness as he told the room this

Then, as the kids walked back to their classrooms, they thanked the veterans and exchanged high fives. These children may not totally ‘get it’ yet. But thanks to days like this, they will. And they should

It was beautiful to see that same sad veteran, end his morning with a big grin on his face

Lest we forget.

 

So I went on my little adventure – it wasn’t quite 24 hours, but this will be longer than the average post. I might even throw in someWHOLE PARAGRAPHS! I am such a grownup

As some of you guessed correctly, I went to Bush Babes place on Monday

She’s my internet blogging bud

Who I’d only met briefly before

So I was most excited to get to see her piece of paradise here in Queensland

BB’s cattle ranch kinda makes ‘butt fuck Idaho’ seem like it’s just down the road

But once I dropped Mum & Dad off in Bundy

I headed off solo

Kind of excited to have a bit of road trip on my own and not have to listen to Mum & Dad trying (& succeeding) to gross me out by talking about old people sex

BB had given me detailed directions, and a meeting point

Game on

I knew I was getting close when the bitumen roads ran out, I was dodging more than kangaroos

And I was driving on the red dirt

Did you ever see a road sign that says, ‘DIP’?

I’ve seen them before, but I never knew what that meant ’til yesterday

It’s a warning that your hire car is about to get AIR

Who knew minivans could fly..??

I arrived at our meeting point totally early

And waited for BB

And because I have the patience of a 2 year old

After 10 minutes, I was SURE she wasn’t going to show up

So I re-read her directions

Which also told me where her kid’s school was – which was much closer to her place

So I headed there

Found it fine

Now what?

I couldn’t ring her and tell her where I was

There’s no mobile service ANYWHERE around there

What’s that you say? Why would I drive somewhere where she had NO IDEA I was going to be – AND after I’d been repeatedly warned about no mobile coverage..??

Blah blah, fuck off not listening

So I saw two blokes digging a hole in front of a little house – and decided to ask directions. That’s the plus side of living in the bush – everyone knows where everyone else is at….luckily for me!

After they had a chuckle to themselves about my fucktardness a lot of instructions, like: finger pointing,  over thatta ways, cross the little creek – not the big one, and just follow your nose – I was off on my merry way again

Old mate had told me I was about 30kms from BB’s house. After I’d been driving for about 40kms, I thought I might be lost. I’ve always been a bit of a math whizz

Turns out I was lost

Go me

Fortunately my training in outback survival (the Crocodile Hunter & Swiss Family Robinson reruns) made me not worry too much

Plus I still had a bottle of Sprite & half a packet of fruit tingles to my name. I could last for DAYS!

I came to a sign, that just confused me more. After a quick eeny-meeny-miny-moe – I picked a direction

Yes, OF COURSE it was the wrong one…duh

And in my continued quest to drive further and further away from where I was SUPPOSED to be fucking headed – I came to this bridge. That scared the bejeezus out of me. I was shitting myself about driving over it. It was so narrow. What if I got the shakes and my wobbly wheel hands failed me, and I went over? If I drowned out here I would be SO embarrassed.

So I did what any spaz that has watched too much Nightline would do –  I rolled down all my windows and undid my seatbelt, just in case I needed to escape once the car plunged into the drink. That’s called planning ahead people.

I made it over – but not before promising myself that if I had to drive BACK over this bridge – the hire car was getting abandoned, and I was going to fucking swim

After the bridge, as I was contemplating pulling over to change my undies, my phone beeped. OMG you guys, I’d found a patch of ‘no where’, where my PHONE WORKED….huzzah! I could make a call, AND change knickers – things were looking UP!

So I pulled over and called BB’s house. Luckily her (no doubt laughing at my blonde-citiness) husband was home – and gave me NEW directions – THAT I ACTUALLY LISTENED TO. Realising that you’re not actually traveling with a spare set of knickers will do that to a girl

Aaaannnd I got there! 2 hours after I was SUPPOSED to be there

BB’s gorgeous (6 yr old) daughter had set up my room for me. She wanted it to look just like a hotel. She’d picked flowers and even put scissors with my soap for easy opening. What hotel does that?

We had a fabulous home cooked meal accompanied by wine and lots of laughs

I didn’t need much rocking’ by bed time

Woke up bright & early this morning, greeted at the front steps, by this little cutie

Her name is Bay Leaf – and she just lost her Mum. She’s only a week old, so BB & her family are giving her lots of TLC to make sure she’s OK. I was on breastfeeding duty this morning. And by breastfeeding, I mean out of a BIG ol’ bottle. I decided that the teet on that thing looks like a midgets vibrator. Not that I’ve ever SEEN a midget’s vibrator.

Then BB took me for a drive around their property. It was absolutely breathtaking – such a jaw dropping part of the Aussie landscape. It really is like their own piece of paradise – and I love how much they love where they are.

We stopped by the boys who were working the cattle. ‘Working’ means I can’t remember the proper name for what they were doing. But it did involve putting their arms up cows bums to see if they were pregnant. It was easier to watch knowing they were using gloves. And lube.

If they WERE pregnant, they got sent one way. If they WEREN’T, they went the other way. The ‘other’ way was where a big horny bull was waiting for them. Those cows have the life, I tell ya

We headed back to the ranch, where BB fed me again, gave me my very own coffee travel mug (she must have seen the coffee splatters on all the inside of the car. Country roads and McDonald’s take away cups are a messy combo) then sent me on my way – but not before making me PROMISE to call her as soon as I arrived in Bundy safely. Can’t imagine why *ahem*

There is nothing that comes close to the awesomeness of country hospitality. Thanks so much BB – next time I’m bringing the family.

I’ve already started a ‘to bring with me’ list

Gum boots

Life jacket

More fruit tingles

Flowers for the girl cows

A bib for Bay Leaf

More wine (cause I think we drank all yours)

And a fucking GPS!!

 

* CLICK HERE for Bush Babe’s blog version of my visit. (it’s just like mine, but without the crappy photos, swearing and spelling mistakes)