So I found the witch doctor I was looking for

And this wasn’t it

MY witch doctor came in the form of a 22 year old female doctor-in-training at the local medical clinic in Jabiru

Samara

I was pretty sure there was nothing she could do for me

It felt like I had a run of the mill case of laryngitis

But Dad had said once before when he had it, he was given a needle in the bum

And it made it all better

So while I’m no fan of needles, or my bum, I thought it was worth of shot (pun intended)

.

Samara, as I expected, confirmed that I did indeed have laryngitis

And that there was no magic ‘needle’ that would fix it

Like I needed more proof that Dad was full of shit

.

So rather than a jab in the bum

I left with lots of advice

Gargle aspirin

No sugar

No dairy

No alcohol

It’s like they were trying to kill me

And lots of sleep

.

I asked Samara if I would be able to work that night

And if it would wreck my throat for the rest of the week if I did

That’s when the resident (boss) came in and said,

Nah mate, you’ll be good for tonight’s show

You’d better be too

‘Cause we’ve got tickets

.

So I did as the doctor(s) ordered

I threw out all my lollies fuck

And had a bonza nap yay

And got through the gig OK take THAT laryngitis

All the staff from the medical clinic were there too

.

So, to show them I was following instructions

I was even a good girl and went straight back to my room after my set

.

And tried not to let them see I was limping as I left

It’s hard work trying to walk with a bottle of wine down your pants

The last week has been a bit of a blur

A good blur

But blurry none the less

I’m writing this from my hotel room in Darwin

I start the 1st of 5 Northern Territory shows with Dad tonight

4 out of the 5 gigs are at places I’ve never been to

So I’m totally hanging out to offend some new people with my fuck songs excited for those shows

Once I’m a bit more back on deck, & the antibiotics kick in

Nothing major, just another dose of the clap throat/sinus infection

The usual shit

I feel OK, just a bit ripped off that none of it is sexually transmitted

But when I catch up a bit more on my sleep etc, I’ll post some more detailed blogs from the trip so far

You know, like what I wore, how many times I went to the toilet each day

The important stuff

Anyhoo

Wanted to post some random pics in the meantime

Let’s start with the Geraldton show

The drive there started off full of piss & vinegar

But mainly piss

And somo sight seeing stops too

These were too big to steal take home in my purse

But I would totally have bought these if they were salt & pepper shakers

Who wouldn’t want two little roos sniffing eachother’s bums sitting on their dinner table every night?

It’s finds like these that remind me what an awesome interior decorator I wouldn’t would have made

.

Next night was the Perth show at the Pig & Whistle

Dad came along to drink the bar dry watch

And was reasonably well behaved

If you don’t count the 15 sets of tits he signed

But I think I may have outdone him

Take THAT Dad!

.

It was after this show that Heiny & I took our pussy pill

And decided to fly to the rest of the shows

I’m pretty sure that the large amount of vitamin C

And lack of vitamin ‘W’

Was contributing to my knackered-ness

I am working on rectifying this imbalance by glueing a wine glass to my right hand

.

Next stop was my hometown of Kalgoorlie

Where I went right back to where it all began

Accident and emegency

I’ll let you work out which one I was

.

This is a statue of Paddy Hannan

It seems a lot different since they cleaned the graffiti I wrote on it smaller than when I was a kid

This has nothing to do with the fact that I wear size buffalo I’m bigger

It was good to see Kalgoorlie again

It’s the place where all my memories begin

And I’ll blog more about that when I can fucking remember them

Then it was back on a plane with Heiny

To head off to Darwin to meet up with Ma & Pa

After a quick stopover in Perth

Where I met Julian Clary at the airport

I’ve always been a fan of his and I felt like a total dork asking him for a photo

He is, I’m happy to report, a very tall top bloke

And I’m pretty sure he wanted me

You know, as much as a raging pommy poof can want a hetro hairy sheila

And he even tweeted about me afterwards

And then I, of course, cracked a moisty

LOVE HIM!

.

Then it was a quick stop again in Alice Springs

I booked my flights myself, so I have no one else to blame for the milk run I found myself on

Mum & Dad however, were on a direct flight

AAAANNND, my brother was the pilot

So it WAS probably for the best that I wasn’t on THAT flight

‘Cause you know how they don’t let the WHOLE Royal Family fly together

In case the plane goes down?

Well, that’s how it is with our family

We’d need one of us alive to carry on the family tradition

Of  saying fuck for a living cultural enrichment for the masses

.

Mum picked me up at the airport in Darwin & we headed straight to our favourite restaurant

On the planet

CHRISTO’S

I’ve got some great pics of the awesome location

And even better food

This is not one of them

I was more about the eatin’ than the pic takin’, you know?

.

To be continued…