I think every parent I know has photos of their kids with Santa

I also think every parent I know has a picture of their kid screaming with Santa

Why is that?

Is he really that scary looking?

Big fat beer gut belly

Rosy alcoholics cheeks

He’s always looked like a happy guy to me

.

Now, when they’re babies they truly don’t give a shit seem to be bothered

Then they get older and it all changes

For example

When she was a baby, Miss 6 wasn’t fazed by the big guy

But the next year?

She screamed her box off little lungs off

.

The year after that I think she realised who Santa was

And what he could do for her that he was in charge of the gifts

So she was back to being cool with it all

And Miss 4 was the baby

And couldn’t have given a shit was oblivious

.

Then the next year rolls around

And now it’s Miss 4′s turn to scream her box off exercise her lungs

And now that a few years have passed

The girls are both all about Santa

They know exactly who he is

And that he holds the key to the toy kingdom

So they have no fear of him

They practically rammed their tongues down his throat when they saw him this year

.

Oh wait, that was me

.

I’d better get that fucking piano I asked for

That dude tasted like bourbon ARSE!