This video takes me back to my happy place

It’s my first video blog from the last UK tour in 2009

Back when I knew how to use iMovie and thought hey fuck it, why don’t I make a full on live DVD and edit it MY FUCKING SELF with final cut pro like all the professionals use but I would need a newer computer and updated software so I’ll just go spend thousands of dollars on that shit but wait oh hey, I don’t know how to USE this fancy fucking program so I better get me some lessons from the experts in blue shirts at the Apple store who are really helpful which is good because I’ll end up spending more time with them than my fucking husband because I didn’t realise that I shouldn’t edit using USB external hard drives, and every fucktard (except me) knows you can only use firewire hard drives for big arse projects because otherwise you’ll lose months of fucking editing work when your files become corrupt and won’t fucking open anymore and you’re so spewing you could cry except you already ARE crying because you missed out on going to see the Dolly Parton concert that you had VIP tickets for AND you have to get your shit done yesterday ’cause it’s only 46 more god damn mother fucking days ’til Christmas fuck cunt prick shit mother fucker

And how’s YOUR day going?

I first saw this video a few days ago over at Kelly Oxford’s site

Since then I’ve seen pop up on quite a few other blogs

I wanted to post it here too

Because I support this

And I don’t understand why two people who want to get married can’t

I try to imagine back when Diamond and I fell in love

And the amazing memory I have of the day he asked me to marry him

Doesn’t everyone deserve to have that memory?

To those who don’t agree

Why does it bother you?

How does it affect your life if 2 people who happen to have the same genitals, get married?

It shouldn’t

No more than if they live together

Forever

What’s the big fucking difference?

I can’t wait for the day when people like Derence & Ed don’t have to plead their case

Or ask permission

To do what the rest of us can do whenever we like

To whomever we like

As many times as we like

I wish these guys every happiness and hope so much they get to get married

And not just because they are probably the cutest couple I’ve ever seen

 

 

Mental illness is real

Most of you, whether you know it or not, know somebody, or have someone in your family

Who suffers from some kind of mental illness

I know I do

No punch line here, it’s just a fact

And I know I’m the first to make a joke about some whackjob I read about in the paper

But sometimes there’s just no funny to be found

Mental illness can be devastating if left undiagnosed or untreated

We all live in countries where there is help

But you have to speak up

Get help, or if you see someone you know struggling

Try to help them

When something like the tragic shootings in Arizona happen

The rest of the world is quick to point fingers at the US

And blame the gun laws here for the problem

And although Australia has nowhere near the gun ownership numbers due to much stricter gun laws

Anyone wishing to possess or use a firearm in Australia must have a Firearms Licence and, with some exceptions, be over the age of 18. Owners must have secure storage for their firearms. For each firearm a “Genuine Reason” must be given, relating to pest control, hunting, target shooting, or collecting. Self-defense is not accepted as a reason for issuing a licence

When a (for lack of a better word) ‘crazy’ person wants to harm themselves or others

They’ll find a way to do it

Most Australian’s would know the name Martin Bryant as the gunman responsible for Australia’s deadliest massacre

OK, it may not happen often – but it does

And what about taxi driver Derrick Bird in the UK last year?

It happens everywhere

I think that access to weapons isn’t the whole problem here

But rather the amount of truly fucked up & disturbed people there are in the world

And sure, them being able to get their hands ON a weapon IS a part of the problem

But shouldn’t we being trying to treat/fix these people?

Recognise people that need help

The shooter in Arizona, Jared Loughner has been described by all who knew him as

Weird, paranoid, full of conspiracy theories, anti government

He was kicked out of school and told he could only come back after a mental evaluation that showed,

“…in the opinion of a mental health professional, his presence at the College does not present a danger to himself or others.

And then he went and bought a gun

So maybe all the help in the world can’t help some people

I understand that

I don’t have the answers

But I do believe that maybe ‘giving a shit’ about each other is a step in the right direction

Looking out for not only ourselves, but our neighbours, work colleagues

I wonder if some if these people that committed these acts had more people that ‘gave a shit’ about them

Would it have made a difference?

I guess we’ll never know

Now, I’m getting off my soapbox to go and listen to some Barbra

Over the last few days Twitter & Facebook have been all a flutter

Over the new TSA regulations

The TSA being the Transportation Security Administration in the USA

You know, the security peeps at the airport with the wands & the (usually) grumpy faces?

Their new regulations are introducing the use of more thorough pat downs in the screening process of passengers

As someone who flies a lot

I go through airport security checks several times a month

All year ’round

Look, I don’t know anyone that loves it

But it’s just part of the deal if you want to travel in this day and age

And up until now, I’ve never really had a problem with it

I even went through one of the body scanners for the first time at San Francisco airport last month

It wasn’t a drama at all

I walked in, stopped for 3 seconds

And walked out the other side

The TSA officer on the other side got the all clear on her radio

Obviously from whoever is off a the room somewhere looking over the scans

I think he radioed in something like, “…..the hotty midget with the massive ta-tas is clear!”

But from what I understand, the TSA’s new regulations will allow their security officers to REALLY pat you down

If there is no body scanners (which don’t show if there’s any weapons etc up your woo hoo anyway)

Or if you refuse to go through a body scanner

Like, up your skirt if you’re wearing one

Feeling over your breasts

And grabbing men’s lunch box packages

All in the name of being more thorough

There’s even footage doing the rounds of a 3 year old getting a pat down that has people up in arms

I watched it – and it doesn’t seem over-the-top at all

(others may see it differently)

I’ve traveled with both my girls since they were babies

And they’ve been taken out of their strollers

Been woken up so they can walk through the metal detectors

Had the wand waved over them

And yeah, even been patted down

The truth?

They loved it

Thought it was all a part of the big traveling adventure

The only time it really pissed me off was when a fucktard in a TSA uniform asked me to demonstrate that the machine with the big battery & tubes coming from it

That was in my backpack

Was in fact a breast pump, not a bomb

I think that Diamond threatening to “…sue his mother fucking ignorant arse for sexual harassment and being a cunt….”

Got us out of that one

But I think if you do anything often enough, like go through airport security

You’re bound to come across the odd wank-stain every now and then

But in light of these new, more aggressive pat down methods

I think I’d have to ask the question before I’d let you pat down one of my daughters again

“Will you be touching their genitals?

‘Cause that is NOT going to happen”

You’d best be finding another way to search my kid

Or we’ll be walking to Australia

And while we’re at it – when was the last time a 5 year old American/Australian citizen tried to blow up an aircraft?

I know, that opens up a whole shit storm of racial profiling

But fuck, common sense would say that works doesn’t it?

There are exceptions to every stereotype

There ARE blonde, blue eyed terrorist wannabes out there

But I’d hazzard a guess that more than 90% are not

So why not make educated decisions when screening passengers?

Not just 1 out of every four

How about leaving anyone under 10 the fuck alone?

And the Grannies

‘Cause that demographic don’t have a large presence with al-Qaida, me thinks

So does my opinion make me racist?

Please

Common sense is drowning under the weight of political correctness

And if my opinion is not PC?

Then I’m xenophobic

A bigot even

I read about two women refusing to have a body scan due to their religious beliefs

They chose not to fly, rather than go through the screening process

That’s their choice

If I chose to travel while wearing any sort of baggy clothing, whether for religious or comfort reasons

That could easily conceal weapons, explosives etc

I would expect to be rigorously and thoroughly patted down, scanned and screened

I wouldn’t consider myself being discriminated against

It’s just common fucking sense, isn’t it?

I really don’t give a fuck what the PC brigade thinks

I don’t value their opinion any more than they value mine

At the end of the day, airport security is there to keep us travelers SAFE

Why not prescreen people?

Have the chip in their passport give a detailed background of each passenger

If you have nothing to hide, I don’t see how it’s a problem

I wouldn’t care – the government knows everything about me anyway

Your background check etc would give you a resulting score out of, say 10

10 being the person you do NOT want on your flight

Lock that fucker up

I’d like to think that I’d be a 1

There’s not too many Australian married mums of two, who say fuck for a living, signing up to be suicide bombers these days

At a stretch, my threat level might be a 2

But that’s more about what plane food does to my farting frequencies

Than my affiliation with terrorists

I agree that yeah, sometimes it’s inconvenient to go through airport screenings

Do we need them to be more thorough?

In my opinion, no

I think we need to be smarter about who we screen

But if I have to go through the more rigorous process, then so be it

I have no problem with a security officer just doing their job

Go ahead and fossil for firecrackers up my vajay-jay

And check my boobs for bombs

Can I get dinner & flowers first?