I learned that when it rains for days on end

Kids will head straight to the craft kits

And when they’ve used all their supplies up

They’ll head to the fruit basket

Then they’ll head outside and enjoy the rain

I learned that my girls will eat raw fish

If it’s prepared by singing chefs

And presented to them on a train

I found out that I’m not the only one who enjoys a glass of red with the nightly bedtime stories

Am I Nanna?

I learned that Coogie Beach is absolutely spectacular

Even in Winter

I learned that when the rain starts up again

Macaroni & Magoo put on a mean puppet show

Complete with theatrical bows an encore

(note to self, buy more socks)

I was reminded that kids like to run everywhere

And that I need a better bra

The kids learned that Nanna really can’t say no

And they couldn’t be happier about it

I watched Cactus & M&M fall become the bestest of buds

Just like I knew they would

I found someone who loves to read more than me

I learned that when having a tea party, custard tarts are essential

I learned that Magoo is not the only one who likes to rock out with her air guitar

And that Macaroni is not the only one who can draw a spot on picture of Poppy

I learned that no one looks coordinated playing in one of these balls

And nothing is funnier to watch

Lastly, looking at this pic

I know why my back is so bloody sore

Two years ago the girls and I did this

Today we’re doing it again

Like, in a few hours

And I haven’t packed at all

I’ve been up since 2am

Because I’m a fucking nutjob

But I can’t pack without going into the girl’s rooms and waking them up

So I ironed

And I cleaned

Charged up all my iPhones, iPads, laptops and blah blah

Now it’s 4:30am

And I am ty-yerrrred!

In other, unrelated, insomnia-fueled news

I wanted to show you these pics I took yesterday

An old lady put her car in drive instead of reverse

And drove through a shop window

Luckily for her, she wasn’t hurt

And the shop was empty

Luckily for me and the girls – we were in the shop next door

So we totally dodged a Toyota Corolla bullet there

Good luck renting that place out now

I’m pretty sure this would be the end result if I let my tired arse drive a car today

Here’s hoping the pilot isn’t a fossil who should’ve handed in his license years ago an insomniac too.

Here is my beautiful dog

And then here’s some other random ginger mutt

That just sold for $1.5m

Yeah, that’s MILLION

For a ranga-red-headed dog

I’ll stick with the blonde one thankyouverymuch

They called the million dollar Mastiff, Big Splash

I would say he ‘mastiff’ been a  BIG RIP OFF, with a dumb name

Big dogs like that need manly, strong, tough guy names

Like Fluffy

OK, so I decided to do a blog

Then sat here & thought…

About umm…

And then….well

Hmm….

Fuck all really

My mind is all over the shop

So maybe I should just post in bullet form

To appease the ADD I seem to be afflicted with today

Cool?

Good….thankyouverymuch

• Cheerleading. I was more than a little gutted when both my girls decided that this was THE only sport they wanted to partake in. Every week that I take them to class, I die a little inside. And the other mothers, oh yeah….we’re SO ALIKE. Fuck those women are hard work. They yell at their kids, screaming out their moves and telling them when to kick, jump, yell ‘yay team’. It does my head in. On a positive note, Macaroni & Magoo totally suck at it. Here’s hoping they get asked ‘in a *gentle, PC way, to maybe take break & take up chess, or lawn bowls. (*back when I was a kid and went to violin lessons with my brother, I was told, after one class, not to come back as I had the rhythm of an epileptic goat. And ballet classes…at least I lasted 3 classes before being told to leave & find a more appropriate sport/hobby. Like wrestling.

• Diamond & I are going for a quick trip away next month. We are currently *debating (*he’s being a stubborn prick, and I’m not going unless I get my way) over what activities to book for our holiday. His picks: bone fishing, deep sea fishing, fly fishing (are you seeing the theme here?) or light tackle fishing. My picks: reading, sleeping, massages, lots of drinks with umbrellas in them. I’m sure there’s a compromise in there somewhere. Or I’m going without him

• Clean out. I have come to the conclusion that I may have been a hoarder. 3 couches, 2 TVs, 1 bed, 13 garbage bags of clothes, 15 boxes of crap and God knows what else, have been ditched or donated in the last week. Do I feel better? No. I feel like shopping

• Chocolate. Chocolate is my friend. Forever

• I check the mail box every day. Still no necklace from Oprah. Maybe she’ll deliver it personally? Note to self: don’t eat all the chocolate, you may be having visitors

• My parents are celebrating their 41st wedding anniversary today. Imagine being married FORTY ONE YEARS….to my DAD?

• It’s day 10 of the new year, and so far, I have not broken ONE of my resolutions. I’ve discovered that that’s a piece of piss to do when you don’t make any. Yay me.

• Our Chicago show is only 18 sleeps away. And I IS EXCITED. Especially now I have my boobs back

• Mum & Dad will be here in 2 weeks. They’re babysitting while Diamond & I are away. This makes me nervous. Mum, I know from experience, will be fine. Dad, well…we might have to get him his own babysitter. That provides hooch & booze.

• The Xbox Kinect is getting an absolute thrashing at our place and was definitely the winning pressie this Christmas. Diamond loves the handgliding, Macaroni is a bit of a jet at the volleyball, Magoo is fucking scary at boxing. And I’m on the bench due to an injury. I broke a nail getting the snacks yesterday.

• 75 sleeps ’til my birthday. I want a new bum. Preferably like Jennifer Anniston’s. Back when she was in ‘Friends’

• If David Beckham keeps wearing his hair like this, Posh can have him. Plus, she’s knocked up again. And I find the thought of his penis poking her skeletal vajay-jay, quite the turn off

• I watched Jersey Shore for the first time yesterday. I liked it. This is proof that I need to get back to work. STAT.

• 347 days till Christmas.

That is all.