Category Archives: pass the valium please

da bears!

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Anyone in Chicago knows it’s a big day today

A H-U-G-E day

It’s the big playoff football game between forever rivals

The Chicago Bears & The Green Bay Packers

If the Bears win this one, they’re going to the Superbowl

Which they haven’t won since 1985

That’s when this suberb video was made

So it’s kinda a big deal ’round these parts

Especially in our house

Both girls have their Bear’s jerseys on

We even got out our Bear’s bathtowels

With glitter on them? (oh Magoooo….)

Bear’s soap

Even the Fluffinator has to wear his Bear’s hat

Until he gets it off and eats it

The girls dress their toys up

Stick up homemade Bear’s decorations

We even crank out Diamond’s beloved Bear’s blanket

That was his Grandmas

And is older than him (which makes it pretty o-l-d)

We’ve got Bear’s deck chairs

Even though it’s a tad nippily to be outside sitting on anyone’s deck

I only have to look out our window to see our neighbours are getting in the spirit too

Diamond’s been wearing his jersey all year

But today’s the first day I’ve worn mine this year

So they’d better win

Or you KNOW who’s going to get the blame…


UPDATE: Bears lost. I’m burning the fucking shirt


oprah at the opera house (part 1)

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A lot of you know that I was lucky enough to go to the Oprah Winfrey show a while back with my mate Ruby

(read about it here)


Well, I received an email a few weeks ago

Out of the blue

From a friend in Chicago, that I hadn’t seen in a few years

Asking if I had any friends or family in Australia that would be interested in going to the show when Oprah came to Sydney

Know anyone?

Like, only EVERYONE

My first thought was Mum & Sam

Who, every time they’ve come to visit me in Chicago

Have asked if we could go to the Oprah show

Nagged, begged, pleaded

Honestly? They’d been total pains in the arises about it

And I’d never been able to get tickets

So yeah, I would totally give these Sydney tickets to them

And shut them up

And quite possibly make their day, year & DECADE!

And then, when I found out the date of the show was December 14th

I was all, what is this fuckery?

I would actually BE in Sydney December 14th

It was the day I was flying back to Chicago

So I asked my mate in Chicago if would be at ALL possible to get THREE tickets to the show

As Dad says, if you don’t ask, you don’t get

I’m pretty sure he was talking about sex though

Anyhoo

She said NO PROBLEM!

Holy shit

This was going to be ALL shades of awesome

Mum and I flew into Sydney first thing Monday

As the tickets had to be picked up the day before the show

Just seeing the size and scope of the set up was unbelievable

Swat teams

Riot teams

Security coming out the WAZOOO

And like last time I went to the show, in Chicago

NO cameras on the big day

Fuck

But we WERE allowed to have our phones this time

Happy dance

Mum & I walked from our hotel down to the Opera house to get our tickets

No lines, no crowds

Very cool

Except there were only two tickets waiting for us

We tried not to panic, as the ladies handing out tickets told us everyone only gets allocated two tickets

But after checking around, and finding my name on another sheet, she confirmed that there was indeed 3 for us

Thank you Jesus

Or Oprah

(‘cause I’m pretty sure she’s more powerful)

We got our tickets

Stopped to have a quick bite to eat

So that we’d go straight back to our hotel

Have an early night

And be good-to-go for the show the next day

5 hours and three bottles of red later

The only thing guaranteed for the show the next day was a hella hangover

Mission accomplished


Part two is a comin’

After some su-leeeeeep!



oprah in oz

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I guess you’ve all heard that Oprah is heading to Australia

Pretty cool huh?

Remember when I got to go to the Oprah Show with my friend Ruby?

I even have video to prove it

That’s me doing the Oprah Show Spaz Out Wave at the 3:27 mark

The day I went to the show

The audience received mittens

So, for her first show this year, when I found out she’s taking the ENTIRE audience on a trip to Australia

On a plane flown by John Travolta

Who I realise is totally a closeted gay man

But the tween in me (dressed up as Olivia Newton John) likes to live in denial


I wasn’t jealous at all

Huh, why would I be?

It’s not like I’m AUSTRALIAN or anything

It’s not like they’re going to my hometown Perth

Yeah, that’s right, they ARE going to Perth

On a direct flight – which Qantas never normally does

So you usually have to fly Chicago to LA to Sydney THEN to Perth

Where ALL my family lives

I don’t mean to come across all ungrateful n bratty n shit

But, fuck

Fuck

FUCK

At least I have my mittens to dry my bitter tears

Thanks for THAT Oprah