The last few days of school holidays saw us squeezing in all the stuff I’m promised the girls we’d do

That I didn’t really want to do

And had been putting off

Leaving me 4 days to do it all

Fucking idiot

We started with rock-climbing Thursday and then moved onto a play date at MacDonalds

I know, all the parents right now just involuntarily shuddered

MacDonald’s playground? During the school holidays? On a fucking FRIDAY?!?

Fucking idiot

If you ever want to see the worst of human nature – from hygiene to parenting

That place is where you’ll find it, in one closed in, germ loaded, trans fat filled building

Then we moved on to iceskating on Saturday

No children were harmed in the fun making process, but there’s a Mummy with sore legs and ears. Yep, I said EARS. The fuck?

Sunday was rollerskating

At a rink that doesn’t give a fuck that it’s 2012. It was built in the sixties and convinced that it’s 70′s decor is the shit and ahead of the curve

Dudes, I actually busted out laughing when we walked in

And of course, fell in love with the place

Except for some arsehole there who, I shit you not, threw a roller-skate at his (maybe 6 year old) daughter, because she said her feet hurt and she didn’t want to skate anymore

I looked straight at him, put my phone to my ear and mouthed the words *DCFS, MOTHERFUCKER

I didn’t see him after that. he was probably outside, cutting the brake lines on my car

The highlight of the afternoon was seeing just how easy it was to embarrass our kids

Diamond and I had a couple’s skate to Skater Boy  (think, ‘You’re the One That I Want’ done to Avril Lavigne. Oh yes we did)

Magoo went a special shade of purple, and Macaroni hid in the toilet ’til the song was over

Today, they couldn’t get out of the house fast enough to go back to school

And now I have no one to play with

I see you in the kitchen putting your hand up, Diamond.

* DCFS = Department of Children and Family Services

The kids have this week off school, which is awesome

I know some people are like, ugh…school holidays…bastard-damn-shit.

Not me

I miss them when they’re at school – so having them around every day makes my heart smile

Diamond & I are headed off to parent teacher conferences today

Macaroni & Magoo have both been doing amazing, so it will be nothing like the parent/teacher conferences MY parents had to endure

“….Mr & Mrs Wilson…your daughter…well..umm…where do we start?”

And the shit just went downhill from there

The only worry Diamond & I have is that WE don’t fuck it up for our kids

I’ll be on my BEST behaviour

Yep, sober AND wearing a bra

While I miss THEM, they couldn’t give a rat’s the girls miss EACH OTHER big time,  when they’re at school

They’ve been up since 5:30am because they’ve yet to realise that Mummy is nocturnal which is the time they get up every day, no matter what

So far today it’s been all about imagine-y type games. Most of those involve taking every toy they own, into another room, and rearranging shit. Now that they’re big enough to clean it up (with a little help from me) I’m like, go for it. Have fun…
P-L-A-Y! It’s better than watching TV or playing on a computer

Today’s game is called pop stars

Now keep in mind that they think Poppy & I are pop singers. They reckon that we are both like Miley Cyrus – but when we’re at work, we’re Hannnah Montanna

For adults

The fuck..?….okee-dokee then

They’ve yet to hear ANY of my stuff

I let them listen to some of the pop stuff on the radio – but they wouldn’t know what any of the singers look like

So imagine my surprise when Macaroni dressed Magoo as the pop star today

And called her BRITNEY TALIA

Considering they wouldn’t know a pop star if they fell over one

The accuracy is uncanny

Here’s a pic of me in 2003

When I was about 4 minutes pregnant

Before I exploded into a pile of hemorrhoids and stretch marks

Yeah,  I was one of those ‘lovely’ looking up the duff sheilas towards the end

8 years ago today, Diamond I became parents

Happy Birthday Macaroni

* will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry *

The girls are getting their Nanna & Poppy time in on this trip

Big time

Like, every day

Which is a whole pile of awesome for everyone

It’s a big ol’ mutual admiration society going on over here

But for anyone that reads this blog regularly

And knows about my youngest daughter, Magoo

How cute & spunky she is

Yes, cute & spunky is code for – Oh sweet Jesus if turns out anymore like my Dad we are all fucked – fucked I say!

You’d understand my trepidation & concern of her excess Poppy time

She  already lives by the DILLIGAF motto FAR to much for her Mummy’s liking

But I couldn’t separate them if I tried

They’re like Papa Smurf & Baby Smurf

Sonny & mini Cher

Laurel & Hardy the midget

Dad’s been working hard at educating the girls with as much ‘Australiana’ as he can

He loves that they live in Chicago and all that that entails

Annual trips to the U.S to see them

The awesome little ‘gansta’ accents they have

But he’s always been determined that they should know as much as he can teach them about their Aussie heritage

And the girls, in turn, are complete sponges

Hanging on his every word

He’s like a walking encyclopedia of Australia and it’s history

Ask a question – he’ll know the  answer

He’s also trying hard to instill in them, important life lessons about growing up in the bush

I don’t have the heart to tell him that some of his outback ‘ways’

Are lost on a couple of little city chicks from Chicago

But I’m happy let him keep sharing his chunks of Poppy wisdom with them

Like, “Never squat for a shit poop while you’re wearing spurs”