out with the old

New year’s resolutions?

Nah

Why just limit myself to resolutions that I’ll no doubt fail at by the 3rd day of January

I have all year to break promises to myself

In fact, I can pretty much guarantee that I will, at some point this year

Vow to lose weight

Promise myself to write more songs

Swear I’ll get started on that ‘book’ I’ve been meaning to write (for 5 years)

Try to stay organised (for more than 2 hours at a time)

Want to dance more with my girls

Really want to have a holiday with my husband

Do anything to get more sleep

Wanna kill at least one fellow passenger on a flight to somewhere

Piss myself off for all the half-finished lists I have all over the place

But

I did do ONE thing I’ve been meaning to do for like, oh I dunno

10 FUCKING YEARS

So that’s a start, right?

I cleaned out my closet

Yes I did

All 3 of them

It was so chocka block with clothes & crap that,

I truly believed would fit me again one day

I truly believed I would wear, even though they still have the tags on them years later

I truly believed would come back into fashion

Anyhoo

I finally did it

And this was the halfway mark

I also purged 53 pairs of shoes & boots

And possibly got rid of some of Diamond’s tragic 80’s jeans

Accidentally of course

The car is loaded to the brim

The local Goodwill Store is not going to know what hit them

It’ll be a tsunami of sequins, platform shoes, cowboy hats, slutty dresses, leopard print coats & pleather pants

There’s about to be some very happy trannies around these parts

Happy New Year!




kalgoorlie

I was born in Kalgoorlie

It’s where my brother was born

And my Mum was born

Dad?

Most people think he was born in Kal too

But as his autobiography, which comes out later this year, will tell you

He was actually born in Sydney

So it would seem that the ‘normal’ ones in our family come from Kal

And the fucktard Dad is from Sydney

Back when we lived there it didn’t have any traffic lights

Or big box stores

Now it has everything, McDonalds, KFC, Kmart, you name it

It also still has a lot of what makes Kalgoorlie famous

Because it’s in an area known as the Goldfields

You’d be safe to assume that it’s fame comes from gold

Which, technically is right:

The discovery of gold by Paddy Hannan in 1893 led to one of Australia’s great gold rushes. Since then Kalgoorlie-Boulder has developed into a major service hub for Western Australia’s active resource industry. Dominated by magnificent historic architecture, Hannan and Burt Streets provide a focus for modern cafés, restaurants and accommodation, hotels, clubs and watering holes.

The huge KCGM Super Pit stretches along the eastern flank of the twin City, pointing north toward the Australian Prospectors and Miners Hall of Fame – a showcase of the mining industry. Surrounded by beautiful forest, the golden City boasts colourful characters and culture, world class sporting and indoor swimming facilities, traditional two-up games, and the famous Race Round.

It is also home to the largest number of pubs per square kilometre in Australia. 1 pub for every 1,000 residents why de we ever leave?

But what the above info about Kalgoorlie fails to mention

And I can’t imagine why

Is what a lot of Aussies REALLY know Kalgoorlie for

And that, is the ‘knock shops’

Massage parlors, whore houses, whatever name you want to use

Kalgoorlie has shitloads of them

They’re all in a row, side by side in Lay Hay Street

As you can imagine, with a massive influx of horny strapping miners back when the first goldrush took place

There became a ‘demand’ for the services of such establishments

And Kalgoorlie remains, to this day, one of the only areas in the country

Where prostitution is legal

The brothels are also a huge tourist attraction

They take tour groups through and show them the cummings & goings ‘ropes’, so to speak

I had a private tour a few years ago at Langtrees on the strip

And the ‘private’ tour wasn’t because I went to the local Catholic school with some of the girls that work there

No, it was because of Dad

And not because he used to be a regular customer I don’t think

It was because along with all the ‘themed’ rooms as Langtrees

Bondage, sport, Asian, Romance

There is a Kevin Bloody Wilson room

I shit you not

Being one of Kalgoorlie’s most successful exports led the folks at Langtrees to ask Dad if he wanted to design his own ‘themed’ room there

He, of course, said yes

The result?

Is the Kevin Bloody Wilson WANK TANK

It’s a small shed like room out the back

For the ‘SOLO’ traveler

A perfect little treat for budget conscious – who can’t afford a ‘companion’ on their visit

Or for those who are just chronic masturbators

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