stick your stickers

I’ve never really understood people’s need to cover their car in stickers

Like I want the opinion of a stranger, when I’m looking at his arse at a red light

Because 9 times out of 10, I don’t agree with their crap and slogans and political points of view

And by the time that light turns green, I’m ready to ram ’em

Or at least gun it past them while giving them my best DILLIGAF salute

And then came these..

The ‘stick figure family stickers’

I know you’ve seen them

They’re fucking everywhere

And yes, I  hate them

Very, very much

I don’t understand the point of these

None of my friends have them on their cars because they’re fucking normal so I can’t ask them

Do any of YOU guys have them?

I promise not to give you shit if you can explain the purpose of them to me

‘Cause I do not, for the life of me, understand WHY you would put stickers on the back of your car to indicate how many kids / dogs / husbands you have

Maybe I’m being a bit Judgy McJudgston over here (how unusual)

But they just come across as really stupid

And then you see people who are all, well I WANT stick family stickers on my car too

But mine are going to be cool ones!

No they’re NOT

Just fucking STOP it

Really….who gives a fuck?

Not me

I don’t give a shit how many people you popped out your vag

Or how many pets you have

Cars are for driving

Not for talking on phone

Not for eating your meals in

Or doing your make up

And not NOT NOT for showing the car behind you a 2D drawing (that a 3 year could do better) of whoever the fuck has the same last name as you 

I realise it’s a bit tragic just how irritated these make me

I hope they’re a fad that dies a sudden death and never gets repeated

Unlike fluro leg warmers and side ponytails

Which, it turns out, are even MORE fab the second time around

Especially for soccer mums / comedians / opinionated moles like myself

TRUST ME.

And no, you can’t see a photo of me right now 

what good is a cherry ripe I can’t eat

Macaroni woke up Christmas morning to find a much-much-MUCH-wished for, salt water aquarium in the living room

I have no idea how Santa got this mammoth thing into our house

But I do know Diamond has put his back out and owes his Dad more than a few beers

This thing is like a happening little ecosystem, with new things popping up and growing from the live rock every day

 

Macaroni’s first order of business was to name all the inhabitants of the tank

According to the accompanying letter from Santa, she had 2 clown fish from Australia, a fire fish, cleaner shrimp, 2 really fast yellow ones and a very cool little purple long one that I can’t remember what they were called comes out very rarely – a dozen little crabs and some snails

She settled on Sara & Lara, for the yellow ones. Angel for the angel fish. Dancer for the shy one, Herbert for the shrimp.

And the 2 from Australia? Boomerang and Cherry Ripe

I’m not big on fish and the bucketload of work that goes into maintaining a saltwater tank – but Diamond is the man. Having wanted a saltwater tank since we first moved into our house, he’s a very happy boy

He and Macaroni have spent the last few days reading their ‘how to’ books on saltwater fish and visiting the local aquarium shops to get all the bits and bobs they need

Meanwhile I have been playing and hanging out with Magoo and her new Hamster

Like fuck I have

 

 

 

 

 

ssssssshit

Just finished the soundcheck for tonight’s show

We’d been told earlier, that this area of land

Has the HIGHEST population (per square km) of reptiles

Yes, SNAKES and lizards ‘n shit

But mainly SNAKES

SNAKES that bite

Scaley fuckers that can KILL you

SSSNAAKES!!

 

Where was I?

Oh yeah, so where I am, right now

And where I’m sleeping tonight

Is home to more fucking snakes than ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD

The fuck?

How come no one tells you this shit BEFORE you agree to the show

And then I see these dog-poo-picker-upper things each side of the stage

And assumed maybe they were for the dingo’s poo

‘Cause there’s bucket loads of those buggers out here too

But no, they’re there to pick up SNAKES

And put them in this

And no, I did NOT lift the lid to see if there was any in there

How could you even THINK that?

Gah, what is WRONG with you guys???

It’s like you WANT me to die.