After six shows in a row

We’re ready for our day off today

I’m thinking of heading to the biggest shopping centre I can find

And get a start on my Christmas shopping

Believe it or not, I’m normally DONE with my Chrissy shopping by this time of year

But I have saved Diamond some time

‘Cause I already know what I want for Christmas

I met him yesterday

He’s my cousin’s beautiful 8 month old baby boy

His big sister is Dad’s newest best friend too

Which is no surprise considering he paid her in ice-cream

So all I need to do is find a shop that sells ones just like this

That don’t come with a sore vajay-jay, stretch marks or sleepless nights

But be warned

If I find a shop like that

I’m probably going to walk out with a matching set

Last night we got a babysitter in for the girls

And headed out to a great restaurant

Then to the casino

This morning I am walking like a gimp

The REASON I am in pain this morning?

Hobbling along with a limp?

These awesome looking but fucking deadly heels

They were probably also the reason that a 60 year old dude who smelt like beer farts propped himself up next to me at the blackjack table and enquired in his oh so subtle way, “how much for two hours darlin’?”

It amazes me that people still have trouble distinguishing between someone DRESSED like a hooker and someone who IS a hooker

Which one am I again?

The old dumb-fuck needed glasses for sure

Anyhoo

Don’t tell Diamond about the follow-me-fuck-me’s being the reason for the gammy walk

He thinks I’m walking funny ’cause….well..yeah…you know….

Let’s not burst his bubble

It’s taken me a while to get on the Adele band wagon

But by God, if this girl doesn’t ooze talent

She’s been the soundtrack to every flight so far this tour

The real deal indeed

I know how lucky I am to have a brilliant relationship with my Mum

Some people love their Mum’s more than anything in the world

But they don’t have them around anymore

So on this Mother’s Day

Whether your Mum is sitting right next to you

On the other side of the world

Or your guardian angel

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mums

Wherever they may be

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