what a corker cork!

Stick a fork in us
We are done!
I should probably say, stick a CORK in us, as our show there….the FINAL show of the WHOLE TOUR was in the fabulous city of CORK, here in Ireland

At the beautiful Cork Opera House
The venue for operas, all sorts of fancy schmancy shows
And us
Even the backstage mirror is all ornate-y

No, this doesn’t mean 4 = 1 = 5
It’s 4, 1
Not the 411
It’s 41
Forty One
As in, show number forty one!

And what a pearler is was
A room full of people that laughed loud and often
A crowd that gave us WAY more than we gave them Including the Blues Brothers
The fuck?
Is that like a hint for me to get my arse back home to Chicago?

This is here is the face of two happy kids
A bit tired
But so happy

And as a sure-fire sign that the tour is indeed over
My gig clothes have been binned
And before you say anything about the starving kids in Africa that I should have donated my tranny wardrobe to
I have been wearing this stuff forever. Like, EVERY night on this tour
It’s worn out. There’s holes in it
The bling has all fallen off
And it smells suspiciously like farts and donuts

It’s all probably still in the bin backstage if you REALLY want it
Don’t panic too much though. I kept the shoes
What do you think I am, a monster??

Hey Cork, big sloppy kisses and cuddles to all of you
Thank you!




four eyes

Before I left Chicago to come away for this tour, I tried hard to squeeze in as much quality time with Diamond and the girls as I could
Movies, playdates, crafts, dress ups with the girls
And while Diamond and I took care of ‘what we needed to’ *cough* We also made sure to spend some romantic time together

By picking out a new dishwasher and all that sort of lovey dovey stuff that married couples do
But if you want to talk REAL sexy time, you’re in the wrong place book an appointment go get your eyes checked together

Nothing makes you feel older and more un-rootable than knowing your eyesight is going

Turns out, we both needed glasses

Diamond needs them for distance, especially for night driving home from the pub

And me, I need ‘em for close up stuff, like reading and squeezing blackheads

The plus side is that it’s NOT too much wine making shit blurry at night….it’s my crappy vision y’all.
Tell THAT to my papa toe that I continue to kick on the unseen corner of the bed at every other hotel. Mother fucker, how much does THAT hurt?

Anyhoo, my glasses arrived here in the UK, thanks to express post Diamond (although delivered in person would have been preferable)

And it’s going to take me more than a little while to get used to them

Am I serious glasses girl?

Trying to be, and failing at sexy glasses girl? (I think it’s because my nostrils flare when I try to look smoulder-y, and if I hold the pose long enough, I start to dribble…..HAWT!)

Do they make me look smarter?


The same?

I thought they made me look classy for all of five minutes. ‘Til I walked out on stage (forgetting to take them off first) to take the DILLIGAF CHOIR photo, and tripped over twice. Not embarrassing at all.

It’s moments like that, that remind me it was a good idea to NOT get the $650 glasses I liked. The 2 for $70 ones are much more suited to a girl of my clumsy, forgetful, spazzy nature. I’m already on to my second pair. Genius.

Whatevs… everything on my computer screen now looks like it’s in 3D. I’m probably going to have to stop watching porn, because oh my God, that shit was WAY better blurry.

To all the kids at school I gave shit about being 4 eyed and a brainiac, you’ll be happy to know that karma is alive and well.

And I am the dorkiest of the glasses wearing dorks.
WITHOUT the brains.