Part 2 of our Oprah adventure
(you can read part 1 here )
After going to bed a 3am
It was hard to muster up much enthusiasm for Sam when she arrived at the hotel at 6am
I think our welcome was a lot like, “….shut up & fuck off”
Lucky she loves us
We got our nice duds on
Which was almost a disaster
I’d picked a cool blue dress in Perth a few days before
And slap-my-arse-and-call-me-Shirley
If Sam didn’t show up with the same fucking dress
The fuck, right?
No dramas
Plan B
I’d go with red
And spend the rest of the day making her feel bad about it
We headed down to the show
With a few more people than Mum & I had seen the day before
Like eleventybillion!
OK, maybe six thousand
5,900 of which were women I reckon
I felt a bit sorry for any blokes that were dragged along for the day
‘Cause I could drag, bribe & beg all I wanted
But Diamond would NEVER come to something like that with me
Just like Sammy’s husband & my Dad wouldn’t either
Which is why we didn’t invite them
Hah!
After security, metal detectors and a couple of hours
We were IN
And not only were we in
But we were 6 rows from the front
Holy-snapping-duck-shit!
We were told not to take any photos during the show
So I ‘borrowed’ some from google for yas!
We got our groove on & had a boogie to the warm up act
Then practiced passing a humungus Aussie flag through the crowd
For the shows big finale
When Oprah finally came out
It was to the sound of 6 thousand Aussie fans LOSING THEIR SHIT
Being in the Chicago studio for a live show last time was deafening
But this
This nearly made my ears bleed
In a good way
It was a jammed packed celebrity show
We didn’t know who was going to be on the show beforehand
But Sam had everything crossed that Hugh Jackman would be one of the guests
And she’d forewarned us that she’d probably be the first person ever thrown out of the Oprah show for Rugby tackling, then kidnapping a guest
So when Oprah announced his name
Sam bolted up started screaming at the top of her lungs
There was some screaming from the rows behind us too
‘Cause Sam’s dress flew up around her armpits
And she showed the world her bum (& other bits) as she bounced & screamed
Sam being Sam, apologized, although I’m pretty sure she really didn’t give a fuck
Which is why I love her
Mum started having a fit when Oprah said Bono was coming out
I had no idea Mum even liked the guy
Turns out Mum thought she said Bon Jovi
Time to crank up the hearing aid Mama, yeah?
Hugh’s entrance was on a massive zip line
From the top of the Opera House
Down to the stage where Oprah was waiting
He came down SO fast
About halfway down I was wondering how the fuck he was going to stop in time
Turns out he didn’t
With a sickening CRASH, he did a face plant into the lighting rig
Everyone was shocked into silence
And we could here his poor kids in the front row crying
Turns out he was OK
And very fucking lucky
He cut his eye, and after a quick break for some medical treatment
And a hug from the paramedic
Was back out and entertaining the masses
Total trooper
The 2 hour filming went so fast
Lots of singing, dancing and yelling
Especially from us 3
And to top it off
Everyone in the audience was given a limited edition white gold “O” necklace
With six Argyle diamonds in it
That’s right, SIX THOUSAND people got one
How’s THAT for complete fuckery?
I nearly wet my pants laughing at Mum & Sam when Oprah told everyone about the necklaces
They did the total ‘Oprah Audience Faces’ that you see on TV
Whenever Oprah does a giveaway to her studio audience
Sam did the silent-two-handed-thrust-pointing-at-the-stage
Like a muted heavy metal fan at a rock concert
Mum did the two-hands-covering-the-top-of-her-head-while-she-slowly-bobbed-up-and-down
Kind of a slow motion version of what you would do if a piano was about to drop on your head
Anyway, you get the idea
Funny as fuck
It was unbelievable!
They let everyone leave in sections
And after most people had left we were still there
Oprah came back out to thank her crew and get photos taken
Then we headed of to celebrate our amazing day
And do some souvineer shopping
Always fun after a few drinks
And a few trays full of shots
What a great way to end my quick trip home
And to share it with Mum & Sam was such a bonus
Even though they are both clearly bad influences
I went to bed feeling very lucky
And woke up feeling like I was recovering from an autopsy
For the second day in a row
And I’d do it all again in a hearbeat
