some people

There are some people who take their iPad to bed

To catch up on TV shows
Answer emails
Try and beat their score at Angry Birds

In private

They put their brand new ear plugs in, to ignore everyone better so as not to be disturbed. But just in one ear. They leave the other ear unplugged in case one of the children breaks something needs them. Because that’s how excellent parenting works.

Some people even take snacks with them
Especially the ones they don’t want to share
Then when it gets dark, some people are too lazy to turn on the lights
So they sit in bed, in the dark, feeding their faces, like a episode of Biggest Loser waiting to happen watching old episodes of Sons of Anarchy because they’re a loser the new season doesn’t start until September. Fuck.

That’s all good and well, until SOME PEOPLE drop their snacks all over the place
And….still too lazy to get up and turn a light on – they fish around blindly picking up dropped cookie dough bites that are sprinkled all over the bed
And because it’s THEIR OWN bed, the 3 second rule doesn’t even apply.
They can pick that shit straight up and eat it – no worries.
Carry on.
Except it’s hard for some people to carry on
When they’re choking on a Sony ear bud
Which, in case you didn’t know, look and feel exactly like a chocolate covered cookie dough bites.

I’m like the Mama Cass of ear plugs





video of the week(end)

I first saw this video over at DOOCE.

And girls, if there’s ever a video that will have you clutching your vajay-jay, this is it
But not in a good way
Watch this and you’ll know that feeling that boys get when they see another bloke get kicked in jewels

And for the rest of the day, just thinking about these moves will make your girly-bits all ache-y and nervous
You can thank me later.

my brain hurts

I just saw this on the awesome site that is Kelly Oxford (check her out, she fucking hilarious)

Anyhoo, she had this pic on there

And said,

…stare at the red dot on her nose for 30 seconds.
Look at the ceiling and blink really quickly

So I did

And I, like her, was all, WHAT THE FUCK?!?

What is this fuckery with my eyes

And how the fuck?

So yeah, consider me confused and ready for a drink

Otherwise known as Tuesday