We arrived in Hakuba to meet our host for the week

This is Adrien

He’s an Aussie who’s lived in Japan for over 20 years

MateRock originally started out as a BIG birthday party he was throwing to celebrate his 50th

Then the devastating tsunami happened, affecting everything

He decided to go ahead with the party, but changed it to a fundraiser

With the goal of paying for the education of 20 children orphaned by the tsunami

And taking care of those kids financially for the next 10 years

Pretty cool, huh?

As well as Adrian, we got to meet a shitload of other people on our first night

Mum proved what a jet she is by remembering everyone’s names

While bimbo me continued all week calling everyone ‘matey’ & ‘dude’

This one (below) I will remember though

And not just because this was the beginning of a big old bromance for Dad

This is Dave Gleeson, from the Screaming Jets

He was in Hakuba to be the front man for the The Angels

How’s that for an inspired merging?

Love it!

We were all taken to a great little local restaurant

And even got to sit on the floor and use chopsticks

I made a vow to try all food that was put in front of me – even if it looked like octopus scrotums covered in jizz

Guess what?

ALL the food was amazing

Like, really really yummy

I don’t remember the names of anything though

And not just because I discovered Shochu (funny how I remember the name of that)

Schochu (pronounced show-chew) is a traditional Japanese alcoholic drink, like sake

But unlike sake, that you drink straight up

You drink schochu with a mixer

Like lemonade, or soda

The kicker?

No hangover!

I. Shit. You. Not.

If I can’t find it when I get back to Chicago

You can bet your arse I’ll be finding a way to import this Jesus juice

After our I-can’t-believe-I-ate-all-that-even-though-it-wasn’t-steak-and-veggies dinner

We headed back to the hotel

Where Dad & I got the guitars out and shocked the shit out of some foreigners that had never heard of us serenaded our new friends

A fabulous, fabulous, funny (it’s only day one & I’ve run out of descriptive words & I’m repeating myself) night

But wait, there’s more…. But not right now, ’cause I’ve got a plane to catch

You may think it’s a bit brown

Me?

I’m thinking it’s exactly like Mr. Miyagi’s house in the Karate Kid movie

I’m kinda waiting for Ralph Macchio to knock on my door

So I’m doing some “waxing on, waxing off”….just in case!

…of a DO NOT DISTURB sign

I arrived at the the hotel to find that

It’s fucking awesome

For anyone that’s been to Vegas

Think Caesar’s Palace

Times 10

This place is huge

And beautiful

And my shitty photos don’t do it justice at all

But it’s really amazing

It’s like it’s own city

With shops, casinos

And a bazillion restaurants

Very, very cool

And being a girl that’s more than comfy staying in a decent motel when on the road

This place feels very fancy schmancy

The staff are wonderful

But I gotta tell you

In South Africa in general

The people are ultra friendly

Very kind and welcoming

Even to yobbos like us!

And the kicker?

Starbucks in the hotel lobby

They’re going to have to drag my freckly arse out of this joint!

We went to Great Wolf Lodge again

But this time, thanks to my iPhone, we got STRAIGHT THERE

Unlike last time when I completely fucked up and took us HOURS in the wrong direction

So yeah, this trip was already going better than last time

We arrived in time to chuck our bathers on & go right downstairs to the indoor waterpark

Once the humid stench of chlorine and children became too much

We went outside to the hotel pool

Which has a bar, so Diamond and I made ourselves comfy while the girls played

They were running around, screaming & having a ball

But then I didn’t hear them & couldn’t see them

So I raced over to the water and saw this

Miss 6 floating on her stomach

And I just bout puked on myself

Until she stuck her head out of the water and started laughing

I’m like, DUDE!

You just about gave me a heart attack!!

Do you realise that when you lay on your tummy like that, with your arms stretched out to the side

It looks like you’ve drowned?

She said, Yeah Mummy I know

Apparently Miss 4 had showed her how to do it

And they were getting their jollys by taking turns to freak-the-fuck out of the teenage lifeguard

I’m starting to get a sense  that Miss 6 & Miss 4′s teenage years might not be the trouble-free-bonding-chick-flick-filled-laugh-a-minute joyride I was planning on

In fact, I’m ‘sensing’, their idea of fun & playing pranks might just turn those years into a fucking nightmare

Which is why I’m so grateful they have dual citizenship

And their Nanna & Poppy have a spare room

Buh bye!

And it got me to thinking

Do I REALLY break something on EVERY tour?

Am I actually that much of a clumsy fuck?

So I’ve been going back over the last couple of years tours

Trying to remember what, if anything, I broke

I’ve come to the conclusion that I am, indeed, quite the clusterfuck

When out on tour

I don’t think I really break much when I’m at home & not touring

Except for maybe the kid’s hearts

When I tell them that I ate the last chocolate/no they can’t have another dog/yes, I am the only Mum they get

But on tour, WOW, I’m a fucking wrecking ball

Couches – I dropped my suitcase on it

Beds – I knocked the legs off one trying to hold onto it doing sit ups

Curtains – I was trying to OPEN them

Fridges – From trying to break the padlock on the mini bar (that I put on there myself, to tell myself to back-the-fuck-off) to try and get to the chocolate

Lamps – which are usually ugly as shit anyway, so I think I did the hotels a favour there

You name it

I’ve totally smashed the shit out of it

And I’m not a violent person either

Well, if you don’t count that time in Bali when I might have had too much to drink and some futher mucker at the bar wouldn’t take no for an answer and when I left he tried to follow me back to my hotel and I thought I was tough little fucker ’cause I’d done one & half kick boxing classes and the heel of my six inch stiletto may have got caught in his face and I had to pull it out myself but I don’t think he knew because he was laying in the gutter having a nap or maybe he was dead but either way, there was blood on my new shoe and it was his fault

But other than that, I’m not violent at all

I mean I’ve smashed things

On purpose

But only when it’s life or death

Like the time that I was in Paris with my Mum because Dad was touring the UK and Mum & I thought we were world travelers and took a little flight over there for the day only to find that everyone thought we were from England and treated us like shit until we put our (ugly) Koala broaches on to show that we were in fact Australian so the bastards would be nicer to us, which they were at the cafe where we had  lunch consisting of water and donuts ’cause that’s all we understood from the froggy menu but the donuts were grody and made my guts ache and I had to use a bathroom up the street at the bottom of a spiral staircase that was so narrow & steep I could only open the door of the toilet a smidge & had to squeeze in there and then shut the door which, after my bodily contents left me, I couldn’t get open and I started to freak ’cause there wasn’t mobile phones back then and I learned the hard way that I am a LOT claustrophobic when I am breathing in my own stench 3 floors below ground in a toilet coffin with a stuck door that I ended up kicking off the hinges in my complete panicked state only days later realising that that was pretty Wonder Woman of me and I went on to make enquiries about customising my own superhero costume in case I was faced with another near death experience as a tourist in Paris

(who knew that when I googled ‘trapped hot claustrophobic blonde in french thunder box’ that I would find this bitch acting out my nightmare?)

So THAT was totally not my fault either

I just think maybe they don’t make hotels like they used to

But today’s one seems to be fine

I haven’t broken anything

Except for when I accidently punched the housekeeping lady in the nose this morning when I was helping her make my bed because I am lovely

Which TOTALLY doesn’t count, because I didn’t actually BREAK her nose

It just bled a little

So really, I’m improving

I had a few days to fill

So I picked some of my favourite places to play

I always have a ball in Geraldton

So that was on the list

And I’m kind of from Perth

So that had to be on the list

But I’m also FROM Kalgoorlie (left when I was 10, for Perth)

I kind of have 2 hometowns I guess

.

When I play in Kalgoorlie

I always play at the same place

It’s actually in Boulder

The town that’s adjacent to Kalgoorlie

They’re both part of an area known as the GOLDFIELDS

So, I try to remember to say that I’m playing in the Goldfields

‘Cause you know how I HATE to piss anyone off

.

Kalgoorlie & Boulder are like siblings

They give each other shit

And you never want to be thought of as being from one of them, if you’re from the other

Blasphemy!

It’s a lot like the Australia / New Zealand relationship

Or the U.S.A / Canada relationship

Each gives the other one a hard time

But would totally beat the shit out of anyone who messed with their neighbour

.

Just like siblings

.

Anyhoo

A million years ago when I was just starting out with my band

My COUNTRY band

Go on, I know you want to laugh

Let me make it easier for you

I called my band the WHAM BAM THANK YOU BAND

Oh yes I did

.

So back when we were first starting out

Getting gigs was never easy

Getting venues to give an unknown act a shot was hard yakka

In fact it was fucking hard yakka

But eventually it did get easier

We became more popular and it wasn’t such a drama anymore

But in the beginning there were very few places that gave us a go

.

One of those places that did give us a shot

Was the Grand Hotel

In Boulder

It’s one of the original pubs left in Kalgoorlie/Boulder

Not done up at all

Nothing fancy

It’s the real deal

I love the place

And it was almost blasphemous for a Kalgoorlie girl to play in a Boulder pub

But you know what?

Those KALGOORLIE pubs didn’t want to know us back then

And that’s why I like to call myself a GOLDFIELD’S girl

It seems to keep everyone happy

.

That first gig in Boulder was a LONG time ago

Maybe 15 years (?)

And I’ve been back to gig in the Goldfield’s a lot since then

And every time

I play at the Grand

I guess it’s a loyalty thing

But it’s more than that

.

Frankie & Ken, who run the pub

Have become like family

They’re good people

Good family people

They have five children

And over the years all of them

And their grandkids

Have worked / lived at the pub at some point

A lot of them still do

It’s like a clan

.

Since I last played the Grand

Frankie & Ken’s son Mick passed away

And I can see a change in them both

They’re holding their family just that little bit tighter

But they’re still the good, GREAT people they’ve always been

.
And fuck do they sure know how to have a good time

And laugh?

We sure did

.

After the gigs there, Heiny and I headed back to Perth

And the next day

THIS HAPPENED

Holy shit!

.

I’m happy to report that everyone’s OK

.

And I’m hoping the Grand will still be there when this Goldfield’s girl goes home next time

.

.

UPDATE: The Grand needs a few repairs – but it’s not going anywhere. You beauty!

Especially to get to visit places like Jabiru, where I haven’t been before

Dad is a walking encyclopedia on Australia, and reckons every Australian should get to this part of the country in their lifetime

And he’s right

The word spectacular is so overused and seemingly inappropriate

Until you come here

In the heart of the Kakadu National Park

A bit of info for you:

Kakadu has been home to Aboriginal people for more than 50,000 years, and during that time the land and their culture have become intertwined. Kakadu National Park is managed jointly by its Aboriginal traditional owners and the Director of National Parks.

Covering nearly 20,000 square kilometres, (7,700 miles) Kakadu is one of very few places World Heritage listed for both its cultural and its natural values. Its enduring natural values stem from its exceptional beauty and unique biodiversity, its variety of landforms, habitats and wildlife.

Kakadu is a living cultural landscape. Generations of Bininj/Mungguy have lived on and cared for this country for tens of thousands of years. Their spiritual connection with the land is globally recognised in Kakadu’s World Heritage listing, which honours one of the oldest living societies on earth. The natural and cultural heritage of Kakadu has also been identified as a key element of Australia’s great National Landscapes

Kakadu National Park is a timeless place – a landscape of exceptional beauty, great biodiversity and a wide variety of of landforms, habitats and wildlife. Kakadu is home to 68 mammals (almost one-fifth of Australia’s mammals), more than 120 reptiles, 26 frogs, more than 2,000 plants and over 10,000 species of insects.

And for the record, I think I’ve seen at least 7 species of the frogs so far

They’ve be hanging outside our hotel rooms

Much to Mum’s horror

She’s finally turned into an indoorsy girl

.

We have a great family friend who is a ranger out here, and he’s offered to give us a special tour of the area

Fishing, feeding the crocs, cruising around in a boat & taking in the mind blowing scenery

If you add booze to that, could it get any better?

We don’t have time on this tour, we’re traveling to a different gig every day

So I was talking to Diamond and the girls about Kakadu & how amazing it is

And said we should totally plan a family trip here one day

Once I told Diamond about the fishing and the booze he didn’t need much more convincing

And once I told the girls about where we’d get to sleep, they were sold

‘Cause the hotel we’ve stayed in on this tour is pretty awesome

When we checked in, it seemed to be a pretty nice looking place

From the inside, the rooms looked nice too

So there was really no indication that it was much different from some of our other accommodations

Until you get an arial view

(My helicopter’s in for repairs, so I had to borrow these images from google)

How cool is that?

We spent the night inside a crocodile!

My room was actually right in the belly

Once I told the girls about that, they squeeled so loud I muted the volume on skype for a minute got soooo excited

And I’m a dickhead, ‘cause now they’re already asking how many sleeps until they get to go sleep in the crocodile

Miss 6 wanted to know, ‘does the belly of the crocodile have actual replicas of crocodile intestines in there?’

And Miss 4 wanted to know, ‘does the cwocodial just poop us out when it’s time to leave?’

.

Man, I love those kids

I’ve never really suffered from the Monday blues

It’s been a long time since I’ve had a real job, working Monday to Friday

And when we’re touring, Monday’s are usually our day off

So I’m normally quite a fan of the ‘MONDAY’

Well I was

My Monday – today, started sucking quite early

The animal shelter called to let us know that we didn’t get Slushy

And I’m like what the fuck? really?

Why?

And the lady was really nice and explained that even thought they TOLD me Slushy was a Great Pyrenees / Saint Bernard mix, they weren’t actually sure

And were just guessing

She could be anything, and they knew we were after at least part Great Pyr

So really, it’s not a bad thing

She’s gone to a home that will no doubt love her

And we can keep searching for the exact dog we want

We still want a rescue dog, so it make take a while to find the right one

In the mean time, I’m going to need to get a pair of rain boots

‘Cause Miss 4 has barely stopped crying all day

And I mean, ALL DAY

She stopped a bit for lunch

And then started right back up again

She has never cried. This. Much. Ever

It’s made for quite the sucky day

And theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen

I open my email to find one from the hotel Diamond and I are booked in at, next week for our vacay-cay

And it basically says, sorry, but we’re mother fuckers it’s not quite finished

So we won’t be opening until the middle of fucking February

And I think I may have actually invented some new swear words

And then I felt like giving Miss 4 a run for her money in the crying department

What the fuck, right?

So, fast forward through all the phonecalls, yelling at hotel fucktards, and kids whining for a puppy

That has pretty much filled up the entire day

And we’re now on our way out to go and visit some more animal shelters

Miss 4 has stopped crying, and is excited

And our hotel fiasco has been fixed

And we got another FREE holiday out of it all

So from a Monday that was totally sucking arse

And making me a believer in Monday-itis

.

It’s turned out pretty damn good!

Will post the clip as soon as I get a copy

The hotel we stayed in was nice

And not just nice, nice

I’m talking TV in the shower NICE

Love it!

It’s one of those places where the beautiful people stay I reckon

Not sure how Dad & I snuck in

OK, that’s a lie

I just don’t know how DAD got in

.

My room even had a preloaded iPod in a docking station

Just an all-round fucking cool place to stay

Shame we weren’t there for longer

I think I got about 4 hours sleep

‘Cause we got there late, and had to leave at stupid o’clock this morning to catch our flight

I didn’t think I was going to get ANY sleep when I first saw this

What, you ask?

That

Right there on the bed

Yeah, THAT!

I was like, woah!

That’s for me?

OK, but I’ve never used one like that before

Does EVERYONE get one of these?

Wonder if Dad got one his room?

Not that he’d know how to use it

Pretty funky looking, no?

For a PHONE!

What?

What did you guys think it was?

No, seriously, you’ve got a problem

It’s a PHONE people

OK, so maybe I was a little disappointed too