being a dork in dorking

We stayed at the coolest hotel in Dorking. A place called Wotton House, that is more Downton Abbey than hotel. I mean, the building itself is nearly a thousand years old.
The fuck? Australia & the US are only a couple of hundred years old!
I walked around taking photos for a while, until I got to a wooded area at the top of a hill, where all the statues were. It was grey and foggy and the statues had no heads
Then some B grade horror music started playing in my head and I surprised myself with just how fast I could race back to my room
I am indeed a chicken shit.
The UK is filled with magnificent places like this, with rich histories, and Wotton House is no exception
It’s managed to keep the regal look of the building, while making it a fab hotel, with all the ‘mod cons’
Elevators, gym
Smoke alarms
That go off at 2am when some fuckwit in the next room decides to light up a cigarette in his NON SMOKING room
Which causes everyone on our floor to run out of their rooms half asleep, to see if there’s a fire
I’m kinda used to fire alarms going off in hotels, without there being an ACTUAL fire. It happened 4 times on the last UK tour
I’m so used to it now, I don’t even bother putting pants on

I guess I should apologise to the other guests on the fourth floor. They looked a bit ”what the fuck?’ when I walked out in just my tshirt.
You think they’d never seen a bum before.

Speaking of bums….the Dorking show was KICK ARSE!

family fun ‘n games are the best (when I win)

We left last Thursday for a little family getaway time. We headed off to Ohio, like we have for the last couple of years. But this time, I went to the right place, which was actually the WRONG place the first time we went there a few years back. (you can read about it here if you’re all confused ‘n shit)
We decided to change it up this time, because Diamond & I were waiting for the kids to be old enough thought the kids would love Cedar Point, which was right by the hotel. And we WERE right…we all loved it. (will post about it soon)

The kids got to watch movies for the whole 5 hours drive (yay for Black Betty and all the gizmo gadgets she came with…including headphones thankyoubabyjesus) their requested bunk beds when we got there….AND they were allowed to eat junk food non stop, and blow all their pocket money on crappy plastic shit that kids buy and I always trip over on whatever they wanted to….AND I didn’t make them wash their hair once. It was indeed their perfect vacation. The greasy hair kind.

Even though this was a different Great Wolf Lodge than we’ve stayed in before, it was pretty much the same. Meaning fabbo-awesome, with a massive indoor water-park, full of giant slides and a shit hot video arcade on the ground floor.

That’s where we hung out and rode this thing ’til I couldn’t walk (insert bowlegged woman joke here) on more than one occasion

And I watched them play on all the games

I might have had a turn too and probably kicked their arises.