Before last night’s show in Fielding
The crew were having trouble with the lights
Without them touching anything, lights were going on, off
And dimming by themselves
As it was an old theatre we were playing in
Everyone starts the whole, ‘there must be ghosts in the building’ thing
Me, I think that’s bullshit
The theatre is old, and I’m sure the house lighting system is just as old
So I go on stage for my set
All is good
We’ve never played there before
And the full house we got tonight made us feel crazy welcome
In between 2 of my songs, the lights went out
Then they came back on again
The switches for the lights going on and off, were next to the stage
And there was no one standing there at the time
The audience did a big old, “ooooooh”
I’m like, don’t tell me you all think there’s a ghost in here?
The affirmative answer I got back, says that they did
I had a little chuckle to myself
And started on the next song
When my pants came undone
And not just undone
The zipper at the front s-l-o-w-l-y came down
I’m not even joking
It felt like it was being undone BY someone
But wait, there’s more!
The my belt, that’s around the outside of my blouse
Started sliding down my waist and past my bum
Oh yes it did
I was laughing so hard I could barely keep it together
I did my pants back up
Yanked my belt up
AND THE SAME THING HAPPENED AGAIN!
I fucking know, you guys!
I came offstage after my last song, just shaking my head
I said to Dad, “Did you SEE that?”
If there’s a ghost out there, he’s a total hornbag, and just tried to undress me in front of 600 people, for fuck’s sake
Dad said, “well some ghosts are like that”
“What…you’re trying to tell me you’ve had experience with ghosts before?”
“A long time ago yeah….back when I was a teenager”
“And it was a SEXUAL experience?”
He was almost blushing now, “yeah”
“No way Dad! I can’t believe that YOU, of all people, even BELIEVE in ghosts. And now you’re trying to tell me you had seksy time with one??”
Oh, no sorry…… I thought you said goat”
PS – The lights played up in Dad’s set too – he dropped a plectrum, he broke a string – so he used my guitar while his was being restrung….and he DROPPED that too. The fuck Dad?
PPS – no ghosts tonight in New Plymouth, pants stayed on…all is good. Except for the big DENT in the top of my guitar….DAD!!