Magoo graduated preschool today

Gah!

It feels like just yesterday when Macaroni did

I remember Macaroni being so excited to finish preschool

So she could start Kindergarten

Magoo’s even more excited to finish

But only because that means she doesn’t go to school anymore

That’s my girl

She’s got a few months off now before Kindergarten starts

It’s going to take that long for her to realize that no, we aren’t joking

School is mandatory

And she’s got at least 12 more years of it

So suck it up princess

She had awesome teachers this year (the same fabbo ladies that Macaroni had)

Who are all Mums themselves

Which I think makes them even better at their jobs

And despite having to take Magoo’s fingers out of her nose seventy-hundred times a day

They still loved her

The feeling was very mutual

Magoo’s asked if we can have play dates with all of her teachers over the summer

I said sure, but only if I can come

And it’s in a bar

And she waits in the car

It was a cute ceremony

Even if the above sign made me feel ancient

And teary

For the first time EVER, we got Magoo out of the house wearing a white dress

That WASN’T covered in stains yet

She agreed to wear it on one condition

That she got to wear her red cowboy boots with it

I said sure, you can wear your boots

As long as you wear underwear

And for the first time in two weeks she DID!

I think

Some days I post stuff on Facebook or Twitter

And forget that a lot of you guys aren’t ON either of those pages

Then you miss out

And I feel bad for ignoring you

Today is not one of those days

Quite proud of myself for not ignoring remembering you!

*thanks Brett!

…are unbelievable

I’ve never sat through an entire episode of Toddlers And Tiaras

What I have seen has shown me that there are lot of gay men out there

That are married to women

And have daughters

And they’re pushing these little girls into beauty pagaents

In custom gaudy gowns, they lovingly sewed themselves

Nice work Daddios!

And then there’s the Mums

Who make me laugh, cry, cringe and want to stab a bitch all at the same time

But this video

This one takes the cake

So instead of a traditional Fuck It Up Friday

Have a look at this video

‘Cause this ‘mother’, is doing a top notch job

At fucking her kid up royally

Parenting or child abuse?

Why helloo thar!

It’s been a while, no?

And I know you’re probably going through BAD PENIS TATTOO THURSDAY withdrawals

It’s not even a shortage of penis pics

That’s kept me from posting

Believe me, they’re everywhere

I don’t look for them now

YOU all send them TO me

Thanks?

As we’re nearing to that time of year

When we all get gussied up in our best duds

And head out to paint the down

And ring in the new year

What, you don’t do that?

OK, me neither

So really, it’s getting to that time of year

When you stay home

But try really hard to stay up until midnight to watch the clock strike 12

And you fail

Just like last year

Anyhoo

Whatever your plans this New Year’s Eve

Put a bit of extra effort into your appearance

Especially you fellas out there

May I suggest you start with your wedding tackle?

Something as *huge* as that trouser snake probably needs all the accessories he can get

A case of “less it TOTALLY NOT more” right there

And ladies

Don’t forget to add a little bling to your badgers

Try to to get in crystals caught in your camel toes though, ok?