Are there benefits to being a virgin on your wedding day?

And then marrying a virgin?

I wouldn’t know

And neither would you guys, so don’t lie

Looks pretty gross hysterical to me

So excited that my DVD, WHO DARES GRINS is just about here!

Here’s a preview of one of the tracks from the DVD

I get a lot of requests for this one, but I don’t do it live very often

It takes me to a bad place

Like, will never wear a bathing suit again if it means never having to wax down there again ’cause oh my God that shit hurts like a mofo and being a girl is kinda bullshit so why don’t we all go gorilla style for fuck’s sake – kinda bad place

Fuck that with a capital F

You’ll be able to order the DVD through the website SOON!

Played a great Friday night show in Mermaid Waters tonight

I’d never been here before, and the venue is pretty flash

Peeps at the show were drinking, loud and ready to sing

Just the way we like ‘em

This is my new friend

One of us is wearing a corset

And one of us is trying to stop the wee from running down her leg

Our week in Japan for MateRock went so fast, and was full-on times a bazillion. I didn’t get time to blog on the trip, because I was lazy and drunk a lot so I’m going to break it down over a few blogs, before I forget everything…

And yes it was

Surrounded by mountains in every direction

We decided to enjoy the view from the comfort of a paddle boat

Disguised as a pink gorilla

That’s how the classy tourists roll

We kept out distance from the others

Only because the one time we ventured close to their game or water-rugby-played-on-floating-pontoons

We got splashed big time and ended up with wet bums

Boys are such arseholes so silly sometimes

Then we felt a bit sorry for Dad

He had been in the toilet for over an hour and missed out on coming out on our ride

So we paddled back to him and offered him a ride in our homosexual Magilla Gorilla

He declined, homophobe

And opted for a phallic symbol canoe instead

There a fewer things that look more wrong than Dad, in a canoe, on a lake in Japan, rowing himself around in circles

But even more entertaining?

His dismount

Which started with a bit or reverse parking

And backseat driving from Mum

I could’ve helped them

But wanted to make sure I had the camera ready to go in case either one of them landed in the drink

Which is exactly what they’d do to me were the situation reversed

All together now….We. Are. fucked in the head Family.

Poor little pet had quite the sweat going on once he got to dry land

But wait, there’s more….but not yet ’cause I need to restring my guitars. Or find someone I can pay to do it for me.