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They make me laugh EVERY time I see them

Surely they were all taken in the days BEFORE digital cameras

Back when you took a pic, and had no idea how it turned out until you picked it up at the photo shop a week later

Because really, if you’d actually seen this shit with your own eyes first

You’d never SHOW it to anyone, right?

RIGHT?

Someone’s a bit excited about the Besty Wetsy doll Santa might bring her this year

This would have absolutely have been my Christmas card this year, if my husband wasn’t such a kill joy. I’m married to the fun police.

Would you even let a dude that looked like this NEAR your kids…..let alone put them on his lap? Looks like he just got done brawling over a bottle of booze in a bag with the other homeless Santas.

If I had a son, he’d totally be the little shit in this pic

And I have called his cell at least 20 times since then

Just to fuck with him check that it’s working

To add to his Bieber-fever – I just downloaded the new Justin Bieber Christmas album

I’ve been playing it, on repeat, for the last 2 hours

Loud

Macaroni and Magoo are stoked, and a running around saying, “…Mummy’s the greatest!”

Three guesses what Diamond is running around saying..

Makes me laugh every time I look at it

EVERY. FUCKING. TIME.

I’m thinking of getting it framed

(even if it’s not quite Monday for my U.S. mates)

We have a day off today, so no Mondayitis for us out here on the road

We love Mondays

It’s Tuesdays that generally suck

Tuesday = day after Day off Monday, which = hungover as mofos

Anyhoo

I love my iPhone

But at least once a day, the little fucker autocorrects me when I’m trying to send a text

It’s frustrating

And sometimes bloody embarrassing

I’m glad I’m not the only one that autocorrect fucks with…

Whore or peanut butter?

Decisions, decisions

Well that’s a relief…

Sounds like a shit party

Karaoke & Dongs

Add some wine to that and I’m in!

Nothing worse that a puny, shallow dick desk, is their girls?

Cockslapping…

Is there an app for that?

Choking on your own penis

Go straight to the top of the class

If she really had her period she wouldn’t be mortified

She would stab him

Life insurance? Freudian slip?

I think I’d rather be grounded

HAPPY MONDAY!!

x

*Thanks Celena!

A new animated movie is coming out in Australia on April Fool’s day

LITTLE JOHNNY THE MOVIE is based on all the ‘little Johnny’ jokes you’ve heard, or told over the years

I’ve seen clips as the movie’s been made

Which has got me so pumped about it

But I’m really looking forward to seeing the whole movie at the theatre in a few weeks

And yeah, it has a lot to do with Dad being the voice of ‘Uncle Kev’ in the movie

He wrote the entire soundtrack for the movie too

Which I’ve heard, and LOVE

For anyone not in Australia and able to go see it at the cinema

It will be streamed online from 1st – 24th April

Pass the popcorn!

UPDATE: I’m cheating and getting to see a sneak peek at the whole movie Monday…..squeeeeee!

But I wanted to share

For those of you that haven’t

We’re in the car on the way to Orange

Where the show is tonight

And Mum & I have watched this on the trip

No less than 14 times so far

And every time

We laugh, snort

And pee a little in our pants

Every. Time.

Does this girl even realise just how fucking awesome she is?

I’m totally starting a fan club

Anyone know her name?

For starting my weekend off with snorting and a knickers change

My favourite comment on youtube for this was

“Dude…..seriously. Look into surgery to get a penis stitched over that giant leaking VAGINA”

*thanks Brett

Full of piss & vinegar

A very happy, excited dude

I asked him if he enjoyed the show

He told me his name was John & said he loved it

So I signed some CDs for him

When I asked him what his favourite part of the show was

He started laughing

Which song was it, I asked

It wasn’t any of the songs he said

It wasn’t even something that happened on stage

He went on to tell me that while he was in his seat

Waiting for the show to start

The blokes behind him starting chatting about me

How my name, Jenny Talia was hilarious

And that they’d heard I was Kev’s daughter

That’s when he turned around to them and said, you better not say anything bad about her – ‘cause my last name is Talia

Oooh, they said

John was quite please with himself

And totally lying

After my set was over & it was intermission

One of the guys behind John

Tapped him on the shoulder and said,

Man, your wife is excellent!

Thanks very much, he replied

So this is John Talia

(with his real wife)

Otherwise known as Diamond’s stunt double

UPDATE: How’s this for a lovely letter that Mr Talia just sent thru?

“Thank you for one of the most awesome shows I’ve seen in a very long time. You will always be welcome in SA…please come back soon. I will treasure our picture for the rest of my life. Thank you for being such nice down to earth people after the show. It was really an honour to shake Kev’s hand and get a hug from his daughter. I was listening to Kev when swearing was still outlawed in SA…I never thought I would ever meet him in person….and what a awesome person he and you are. You guys seriously can not imagine the difference your humor make in the world…We love you…and by the way…cudos for your mom to stay long enough with that crazy bastard to have kids with him…LOL…Love ya…”

Thanks to the airline we flew with

Check them out

Yep, you read right

That says THIS SIDE UP on the side of the plane

The airline is actually called KALULA Airlines

But this is how they paint their planes

Two years ago when we flew domestically here

We flew with an airline called ONE TIME Airlines

And I remember at the time thinking I’d be much more comfortable if they called themselves, EVERY TIME Airlines

But this, this RIGHT SIDE UP mob

Are funny as fuck

And the funny doesn’t stop on the outside of the plane

Once on board, the flight attendant’s ‘welcome on board / safety spiel’ was hilarious

I don’t usually pay much attention to them

And my payback for playing Scrabble on my iPhone while I’m supposed to be listening to the safety briefing

Will no doubt be being the only one with my lifejacket on backwards

And not able to find an exit from my own arsehole

If the plane I’m on ever goes down

But I have it on good advice from some mates that work in the airline industry

That, “If you ditch, you DIE”

Lovely thought

But this crew had my attention from the get go

With an announcement that started with

“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover – but there’s only 8 exits on this aircraft”

Gold

Once we landed and were disembarking

One of the flight attendants said over the P.A,

(and I’m pretty sure it’s because there was an article on Dad in the inflight magazine)

“Please refrain from smoking and vulgar language until you are in a designated area”

Who knew flying could be such a laugh?