Even better than the last time we were in South Africa

I know I’ve said it before

But it really IS the people here that make it so

Some of my faves

This is Clayton

I did an interview with him backstage before the show in Durban

He’s like the South African Perez Hilton

Such a cutie

And a keeper ’cause he wrote nice things about us!!

Meet Michaele

Also from Durban

And a dancer with the Durban Ballet company

I think he was trying to show me some moves from the Nutcracker

But my efforts were more like something from Swan Dyke

These young lads in Johannesburg wanted me to sign their necks

And I was all like, what? with my mouth? like a vampire?

And they were like, ahh, no actually. how about just with a marker?

Oh, yeah. No problem

I’m a tossa

I reckon if you stuck a couple of nipples on these two

It would be a pretty flash looking boob job, yeah?

When someone hands me a pair of knickers to sign

And it’s happened a few times before

I usually cringe a bit

No one likes crusty bits, do they?

But Penny had it all sorted

She brought BRAND NEW knickers

With the tags on

She asked if I’d write ‘no camel toe’ on them

Done

A lovely couple who were so excited to be at the show

Singing along to all the songs

They knew the words better than me

(not hard, I’ll grant you)

Mum took this shot

And asked us all to move in closer

‘Cause she couldn’t see us clearly

The man on the left said, of course you can’t

We’re black

You can’t see us until we smile

Funny fucker

This is Carmel

I liked to call her CARMEL TOE

We could be buds for sure

But she’s going to have to ‘ugly it up’ a bit first

This is backstage after we finished recording for the live DVD

Next to Mum is Taryn

She was one of the camera operators for the shoot

The only girl in a crew, among a sea of stinky boys

Love her

Next to me is Lisa

Who runs the show at Carnival City casino

The big kahuna

We became mates back in 2008 when we were here

She is organised, hyper-efficient and such a pleasure to work with

Kinda like me really

*ahem*

Then there’s Bruce

He directed the DVD shoot

So if it sucks and isn’t funny

Can we blame him?

This is my favourite fella in South Africa

My bud Gregg

We met last time I was here

And have been Facebook mates ever since

He came to our last show in Pietermaritzburg

Front and centre

You think he’d know better?

Please to report he’s still talking to me!

Lastly, here’s me with Saweebaway

She may not talk

And doesn’t walk too well

I guess that’s because she’s a statue

But fuck it, she’s shorter than me

I’m keeping her

She’s one of the awesome locals that make me love South Africa

Always smiling

The fact that she makes you-bloody-beauty coffee definitely adds to the appeal

The fact that it’s Starbuck’s coffee is almost enough for me to start batting for the other team

I gave her one of my CDs

I asked her to email me and let me know which song, if any, is her favourite

I hoped she’d understand the songs sung in my broad Aussie accent OK

And was interested to know if she found them funny

Before I checked out of the hotel where Sesi worked

She came running over to tell me which song she liked best

And I said, but I only gave you the CD 20 minutes ago

I know, she said.

I read the names of the songs on the back of the CD, and I have already decided

Really, I said. Which one?

And in her so cute, and very thick South African accent, she said

“I love Choukolit Uz Bitter Thun Six”

(Translation: Chocolate’s Better Than Sex)

See girls?

We really are the same

All over the world

Translation: G’Day Mates!

We’re doing our usual thing here for the 4th July

The local parade

Which the girls love, love, LOVE going to

And not just because they throw candy to the kids along the parade path

Yeah right

Then there’s the fireworks

Since I got home on Wednesday night

We’ve been to 2 parties

Had people over for dinner / BBQ on the other 2 nights

And we’re doing it all again today

The odds of me being in rehab dead by tomorrow are looking pretty good

Luckily my best friend is here to help me

Did I say it’s good to be home?

Certain photos, videos

I was looking through some photos from the last month

As I start to put together the video blog for the WA leg of this tour

And got to these pics

And just started laughing

When I spent the day with Sammy for her birthday

We started off with a pedicure

And it didn’t take long to work out she’d never had one before

She was so ticklish

And giggly

The ladies that worked at the salon thought we were idiots

The lady doing my feet didn’t like me at all

Which, if you’ve smelt my feet, is totally understandable

She was filing & buffing away so much it hurt

But it was hard to concentrate on that when I was getting so much joy out of watching Sammy squirm

And wriggle as she giggled

Like I said, the ladies that worked there thought we were complete fuckwits

And I KNOW they thought we had more than coffee in our coffee cups

I think it was pretty obvious

Before we kick off again tonight in Western Australia

Days off are good for sleeping

Laundry

Catching up on stuff that is not fun banking, emails and assorted shit

My best friend drove in from the middle of nowhere out of town to visit

So I got absolutely none of that stuff done

Her & her husband have land in the middle of nowhere the bush and are building a house there

Or, I should say, her HUSBAND is building the house

Like, totally MAKING it himself

He’s almost done

And it’s pretty fucking amazing, I think

They are suposed to be moving in this week

And moving out of their house from hell rental property

But it’s also Sammy’s birthday

We haven’t spent a birthday, hers or mine, together in nearly 10 years

We’ve been mates since I was 18

I was in the room when both her kids were made born

(because I was NEVER having children & it wouldn’t matter if I was scarred for life by the horrors of her natural childbirths)

I’m even Godmother to both of them

Because who wouldn’t want ME in charge of their children’s spiritual wellbeing?

We met when I worked as a waitress/singer on tourist wine cruises

I sucked as a waitress, did OK as a singer & was fucking awesome at the ‘wine’ part

She worked in the ticketing office

I had just broken up with my high school sweetheart

And she convinced me that a night out with her would make it all better

I’m not sure if it helped my broken heart

But I woke up the next day on the kitchen floor of my apartment in my underwear

And she was asleep in the wheelbarrow in the garage

Also in her underwear

So I’m pretty sure we were separated at birth

Sisters from another Mister

So this week,  I was in town for her birthday

Not HER town, but close

So, being the mate she is

She said, fuck the moving and the bazillion other things I have to get done

I’m driving to Perth to see my best mate

And get drunk

And oh my God we did

I’m not sure how old we thought we were how many bottles of red were consumed

Just know that it was too many

And at 3 o’clock in the morning we were up in Mum & Dad’s attic, with flashlights, going through boxes of crap stored clothes/photos/kitchen sinks

And neither of us can remember why

But I got what I deserved

‘Cause holy guacamole, did I feel like arse for the next 24 hours

I even did the whole, I’m never drinking again speech

You’ll be happy to know I changed my mind

.

She is one of the funniest chicks I know

But her funny is because she has no idea she’s funny and is always saying the wrong thing

Really loudly

And fuck it’s funny

She is the best friend you could ever have

(I’ve even forgiven her for the PURPLE bridesmaid dress she made me wear to her wedding. And the hair-do I had, to go WITH the purple, floor length fashion statement? Like a peroxided Granny Boon after an all night orgy – with matching lipstick. She even keeps a massive, framed picture of me in the bridesmaid from 80s hell [& it wasn't even the 80s!] by her front door. So yeah, I avoid her house at all costs)

The super-est of the super-dooper Aunties to my girls (Miss 6′s words)

She’s part my family forever ’cause she knows too much

Part of our family forever ’cause she helped bury the bodies

And she thinks I’m normal

Everybody deserves a friend like Sammy

But you’ll have to get your own

‘Cause I’m not sharing her

First it was Dad’s turn

In Victor Harbour he caught up with some old friends

Del & Freddy

They’ve all known each other since the 60′s

When Dad was a kid  first touring Australia

As a country singer

Under the name Bryan Dennis

Del bought a wonderful old scrapbook with her

Full of some brilliant & funny pictures from that time

I took photos of her photos

Which is why these aren’t the clearest

But you get the idea

The 3 of them were laughing & reliving some great stories

I’m hoping some of them end up in Dad’s biography (that’s coming out this Christmas)

I’ve read most of the book as Dad (& Gavin) have been writing it

And if I get the family discount, I’ll totally go & buy my very own copy

Might even get it signed

.

.

Then last night when we arrived at the Modbury show

There were some people waiting at the stage door for us

Rob, Mia & Rhett

They had some stuff for me to sign

It’s been a while since I’ve seen any of these cd covers

I’m almost forgotten how to sign TJ DENNIS

‘Cause for those of you that don’t know

I, like Dad, used to be a cunt-try singer too

I’m pretty sure I signed one or two JENNY DENNIS

Sorry ’bout that guys

They were such lovely people

And had been waiting outside, in the cold, for over an hour

As we were leaving, Rob said to me, ‘you are exactly what I thought you’d be like’

And we all know that ‘you are exactly what I thought you’d be like’

Is code for fucking nut job drop dead gorgeous!

Hint, hint

I lived in Nashville for 2 years before I moved to Chicago

I am seeing so many  places I know on the news each night

But the devastation has left much of it unrecognisable

Historic, even legendary buildings

Under water

Iconic landmarks

Ruined

It’s such a tragedy

And it makes me sad

Most of my friends I have spoken to there are OK

Some are still very shell shocked

But, and here’s why I love Nashvillians, they’re mostly GRATEFUL

That’s right, grateful

Grateful they’re alive

Grateful they were able to retrieve some of their most valued possessions before the water got too high

Grateful to their friends & neighbours for their help

Nashville is an amazing little city

I don’t know how long it’s going to take to put it back together again

But I don’t doubt for a minute it’ll get done

They’re pretty special people in that neck of the woods

*how can you help?*

I had a few days to fill

So I picked some of my favourite places to play

I always have a ball in Geraldton

So that was on the list

And I’m kind of from Perth

So that had to be on the list

But I’m also FROM Kalgoorlie (left when I was 10, for Perth)

I kind of have 2 hometowns I guess

.

When I play in Kalgoorlie

I always play at the same place

It’s actually in Boulder

The town that’s adjacent to Kalgoorlie

They’re both part of an area known as the GOLDFIELDS

So, I try to remember to say that I’m playing in the Goldfields

‘Cause you know how I HATE to piss anyone off

.

Kalgoorlie & Boulder are like siblings

They give each other shit

And you never want to be thought of as being from one of them, if you’re from the other

Blasphemy!

It’s a lot like the Australia / New Zealand relationship

Or the U.S.A / Canada relationship

Each gives the other one a hard time

But would totally beat the shit out of anyone who messed with their neighbour

.

Just like siblings

.

Anyhoo

A million years ago when I was just starting out with my band

My COUNTRY band

Go on, I know you want to laugh

Let me make it easier for you

I called my band the WHAM BAM THANK YOU BAND

Oh yes I did

.

So back when we were first starting out

Getting gigs was never easy

Getting venues to give an unknown act a shot was hard yakka

In fact it was fucking hard yakka

But eventually it did get easier

We became more popular and it wasn’t such a drama anymore

But in the beginning there were very few places that gave us a go

.

One of those places that did give us a shot

Was the Grand Hotel

In Boulder

It’s one of the original pubs left in Kalgoorlie/Boulder

Not done up at all

Nothing fancy

It’s the real deal

I love the place

And it was almost blasphemous for a Kalgoorlie girl to play in a Boulder pub

But you know what?

Those KALGOORLIE pubs didn’t want to know us back then

And that’s why I like to call myself a GOLDFIELD’S girl

It seems to keep everyone happy

.

That first gig in Boulder was a LONG time ago

Maybe 15 years (?)

And I’ve been back to gig in the Goldfield’s a lot since then

And every time

I play at the Grand

I guess it’s a loyalty thing

But it’s more than that

.

Frankie & Ken, who run the pub

Have become like family

They’re good people

Good family people

They have five children

And over the years all of them

And their grandkids

Have worked / lived at the pub at some point

A lot of them still do

It’s like a clan

.

Since I last played the Grand

Frankie & Ken’s son Mick passed away

And I can see a change in them both

They’re holding their family just that little bit tighter

But they’re still the good, GREAT people they’ve always been

.
And fuck do they sure know how to have a good time

And laugh?

We sure did

.

After the gigs there, Heiny and I headed back to Perth

And the next day

THIS HAPPENED

Holy shit!

.

I’m happy to report that everyone’s OK

.

And I’m hoping the Grand will still be there when this Goldfield’s girl goes home next time

.

.

UPDATE: The Grand needs a few repairs – but it’s not going anywhere. You beauty!

Finally

All was good until I went to talk

And couldn’t

So I’ve gone from having a dodgy voice, that just got me through last night’s show

To no voice at all

It’s not really a drama as far as the tour goes

Dad is more than capable of doing the show without me

It’s just frustrating

I think more so because I feel great

But my throat’s decided to pack up on me

Who knows, maybe I’ll find a magic witch doctor in Jabiru?

To give me a dose of miracle juice

Not THAT kind of miracle juice you lot

I don’t need my voice back THAT badly

So anyhoo,

It goes without saying, that today’s car ride has been a non-stop journey to hang shit on me ‘cause I can’t answer back

I’m getting a cramp in my middle finger from constantly giving these bastards them all the bird

.

As usual, we stopped for our morning ritual for brekky

Which was the first roadhouse we came across

.

We were met by this lady

This friendly, happy lady

Who I liked straight away

Once I read her name tag & saw her name was Jean, my Nanna’s name

It sealed the deal for me

I liked Jean

So we get to talking

And someone made a joke about marriage

And Jean joked that she would never trade her husband in

‘Cause after 40 years, she finally had him trained the way she wanted him

And Mum & Dad said, 40 years? We’ve been married 40 years too

When did you get married?, Jean asked

Mum answered, January 10th 1970

Oh my God, Jean said. That’s the date I got married

We all thought that was hilarious

Especially when Jean said her son was born 6 months after their wedding day

Just like my brother was

Mum asked Jean how many kids she had

Jean hesitated a little and I thought, oh God

‘Cause I’d seen that kind of look before, and I could see she was struggling to answer

She said, I had two kids

But my daughter and three grandchildren were killed last year in the bushfires

Sweet Jesus

And I swear in an intstant, we were all crying

No one knew what to say

What do you say?

Jean was trying not to fall apart as she showed us the photos of her daughter and 3 grand-babies she had in the gold locket she was wearing

Oh shit, I’ve started crying again just typing this

How do you even begin to recover from something like that?

And that’s what makes this lady, who 10 minutes ago was a complete stranger

That’s what makes her amazing

She’s smiling

There’s no doubt she’s struggling

But she’s smiling

I got up from my chair and hugged her harder than I think I’ve ever hugged anyone

I don’t know if it was to help her or help me

I’m not sure how to say it without sounding cheesy, but this chance encounter affected me

.

Me & my little sore throat will be fine

I may miss a gig or 2, and I’ll still be fine

.

Jean?

Jean is better than fine

There must be something about that name

‘Cause I know two Jeans

And they’re both inspirational

.

I’m so looking forward to Saturday night’s Darwin show

We’ve invited Jean, her husband & their son to come

Jean was so excited she jumped straight on the phone to call her son & tell him

She said he was going to be beyond thrilled

He’s Dad’s number one fan, she said

.

I’ve decided I am Jean’s number one fan