The last week has been a bit of a blur

A good blur

But blurry none the less

I’m writing this from my hotel room in Darwin

I start the 1st of 5 Northern Territory shows with Dad tonight

4 out of the 5 gigs are at places I’ve never been to

So I’m totally hanging out to offend some new people with my fuck songs excited for those shows

Once I’m a bit more back on deck, & the antibiotics kick in

Nothing major, just another dose of the clap throat/sinus infection

The usual shit

I feel OK, just a bit ripped off that none of it is sexually transmitted

But when I catch up a bit more on my sleep etc, I’ll post some more detailed blogs from the trip so far

You know, like what I wore, how many times I went to the toilet each day

The important stuff

Anyhoo

Wanted to post some random pics in the meantime

Let’s start with the Geraldton show

The drive there started off full of piss & vinegar

But mainly piss

And somo sight seeing stops too

These were too big to steal take home in my purse

But I would totally have bought these if they were salt & pepper shakers

Who wouldn’t want two little roos sniffing eachother’s bums sitting on their dinner table every night?

It’s finds like these that remind me what an awesome interior decorator I wouldn’t would have made

.

Next night was the Perth show at the Pig & Whistle

Dad came along to drink the bar dry watch

And was reasonably well behaved

If you don’t count the 15 sets of tits he signed

But I think I may have outdone him

Take THAT Dad!

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It was after this show that Heiny & I took our pussy pill

And decided to fly to the rest of the shows

I’m pretty sure that the large amount of vitamin C

And lack of vitamin ‘W’

Was contributing to my knackered-ness

I am working on rectifying this imbalance by glueing a wine glass to my right hand

.

Next stop was my hometown of Kalgoorlie

Where I went right back to where it all began

Accident and emegency

I’ll let you work out which one I was

.

This is a statue of Paddy Hannan

It seems a lot different since they cleaned the graffiti I wrote on it smaller than when I was a kid

This has nothing to do with the fact that I wear size buffalo I’m bigger

It was good to see Kalgoorlie again

It’s the place where all my memories begin

And I’ll blog more about that when I can fucking remember them

Then it was back on a plane with Heiny

To head off to Darwin to meet up with Ma & Pa

After a quick stopover in Perth

Where I met Julian Clary at the airport

I’ve always been a fan of his and I felt like a total dork asking him for a photo

He is, I’m happy to report, a very tall top bloke

And I’m pretty sure he wanted me

You know, as much as a raging pommy poof can want a hetro hairy sheila

And he even tweeted about me afterwards

And then I, of course, cracked a moisty

LOVE HIM!

.

Then it was a quick stop again in Alice Springs

I booked my flights myself, so I have no one else to blame for the milk run I found myself on

Mum & Dad however, were on a direct flight

AAAANNND, my brother was the pilot

So it WAS probably for the best that I wasn’t on THAT flight

‘Cause you know how they don’t let the WHOLE Royal Family fly together

In case the plane goes down?

Well, that’s how it is with our family

We’d need one of us alive to carry on the family tradition

Of  saying fuck for a living cultural enrichment for the masses

.

Mum picked me up at the airport in Darwin & we headed straight to our favourite restaurant

On the planet

CHRISTO’S

I’ve got some great pics of the awesome location

And even better food

This is not one of them

I was more about the eatin’ than the pic takin’, you know?

.

To be continued…

some of you will visit with family

some of you will have family visit you

some of you will go to church

some of you will do your praying in private

some of you won’t pray at all

some of you like me will use this day as a damn fine reason to sit on your arse all day and gorge yourself on chocolate until you lapse into a delicious cadbury coma

this song is for you:

CHOCOLATE’S BETTER THAN SEX

HAPPY EASTER

Had lunch today with Mum & Dad

Managed to combine my 2 favourite things

Eating

And people watching

Oh, and my other favourite thing

Eavesdropping

I love, LOVE being a part of people’s conversations when I’m totally not invited

And I’m pretty good at it too

Diamond calls me bionic ears

I can here a conversation 10 tables away

So he doesn’t understand why I can’t hear him half of the time

Whatevs

So anyway, there’s an Asian couple sitting at the next table

Holding hands

Feeding eachother

Talking quietly

But then he must have told her something that changed the tone of the conversation

I have no idea what it was

‘Cause I can’t speak Chin/Japan/Vietnam – ESE

But she was pissed

Like her face got red

And he starts trying to calm her down

He’s talking a mile a minute

And she starts crying and yelling

And the whole thing was..

Umm… what’s that word again?

Oh yeah, FUCKING AWESOME!

I’m not sure what that says about me, & I’m not really concerned about it

I just can’t help but find that kind of public display entertaining

And if you don’t want me to stare and listen

How about going somewhere private, huh?

In my mind I’d decided that their bust up had nothing to do with their cold coffee

And everything to do with the fact that he’d accidentally put his penis where it didn’t belong and though it would be a good idea to SHARE that fact with her

Nice work dickwad!

Anyhooo

I was just getting out my phone so I could post their picture on facebook

When the girl totally ruined my shot and got up and walked out

She yelled something at him and took off

And I’m like, what?

That’s IT?

I didn’t even get one photo

Bastards

But I’m pretty sure I DID learn the oriental word for CUNT

Altogether now…

JOSEIKI!

For all the dog lovers!

Thanks Karol x