Magoo loves many, many things in this world
But nothing comes before her animals and two minute noodles
While she gets unlimited time with her pets
We’re a bit more strict on the two minute noodles
She gets those almost never
Being that they are about as nutritious as a maxi pad
Even though they are yum
I loved them as a kid too
The noodles that is
Never actually tasted a maxi pad
So, even though I’m pretty sure this is a load of crapola
I showed it to her
like to see her cry am an arsehole
I’m not joking when I say she had the sads for hours
Even when I said, look, it’s probably not true and you can still have them sometimes
And she was like, “and eat the cancer?!?”
If she’s this dramatic at 8
The teenage her is going to be oh-my-God-fuck-that-I-can’t-even-think-about-it
PS – I keep all her texts. Imma make a funny-as-shit book out of them and sell them to pay for college.
Probably mostly therapy.
I don’t really have a favourite season
But I do know what it isn’t
And that’d be fall
The time of year where it get’s cooler
But not cold enough to wear big puffy coats and gloves and scarves, which I love
It’s more ‘in between’
My clothes and I can’t make a decision and we start off most mornings arguing and confused
Then all the leaves fall off everything, everywhere and now it looks dead
I am the only one in this house that doesn’t love this time of year
Diamond and the girls are ALL about fall
Mainly because of Halloween, which is totally fall’s saving grace
Halloween I do like
I like the pumpkin carving (in a supervisor’s capacity of course, otherwise ugh….pumpkin guts is grody)
I like going to the pumpkin patch
Halloween parties are always fun
And who can beat brawling with the neighbours?
Even though I’m more of a Christmas kid, I’m trying to get my giddyup going, as Diamond brings all the Halloween decorations up from the basement today
The bag of Halloween candy that I demolished for breakfast is my fuel
For someone that doesn’t ‘like’ American chocolate
I do a mean impersonation of someone that loves the shit out of it
It’s the polite thing to do
And I am nothing if not fucking polite
I was already having the best day ever, when I was sent to the carpet store
Like, Diamond totally dropped the ball on that
Because before he had time to realise that the little blonde bull was well and truly out of the gate
I’d picked thickest, purple SHAG carpet I could find.
I’d like to think it’s exactly what Marcia Brady had in HER bedroom.
Except ours is going in our LIVING ROOM.
Which is obviously WAY better.
So yeah, paid for, and booked to be installed, ALL before Diamond knew what hit him.
Tee fucking hee, right tharr.
Then I found these
Making today a champion fucking Thursday
Any Australians living in the U.S. would totally understand my *ecstatic-asm over this
*new word….think ECSTATIC meets ORGASM.