(heading to Australia for the Melbourne shows with Dad)

I took the pics to show myself just how ridiculous it is

To be going on the shortest trip I’ve been on all year

With as much luggage as I had when the whole family went to Oz in July

But it’s Christmas!

I wanted to bring MORE

The photos were also to show the Qantas folks WHAT my luggage LOOKS like

Just in case they ‘happen’ to lose my shit

Again

It didn’t take long to forget about the bags

And look at that puppy with the sad face

He doesn’t like it when the suitcases come out

He misses me when I go away

Right back atchya Fluffinator

Right back atchya.

Fluffy barks a lot

We have great neighbours who don’t complain. But seriously, the Fluffinator’s barking is ridonkulous

I yell at him. Diamond yells at him. Macaroni’s even started yelling at him

Then Magoo yells at all of us, for yelling at him

It’s just something that Great Pyrenees dogs do. We knew that when we got him. Especially at sunrise and sunset. Words cannot explain just how NOT fucking awesome it is, to have a 130 pound fur ball of booming bark-ness be your alarm clock. Before the FUCKING sun. Every FUCKING day.

We thought we could train it out of him. God how we’ve tried. And failed.

The older he gets – he just turned 3 – the more he’s barking. It’s like he’s so big now, he looks at us like, “what cha gonna do about it?” (I always imagine Fluff having the canine equivalent of a Tony Soprano accent)

And it’s driving us fucking mental

So today, I give you, the face of a dog that has just been fitted for his first bark collar

(he’s wearing it, but you just can’t see it under all that FUR)

Is it not THE best sulky face you’ve ever seen?

He’s not mad. He’s just got himself a big ol’ case of PMS right now

Barking makes him feel like a HE-MAN

He has the deepest, loudest bark on our street

Fluffy was, until today, boss-cocky of the big bark club

Can dogs have an identity crisis?

In an effort to try and cheer him up, Magoo stuck a bow on him

A pink bow

It was a nice thought – but I’m not sure  that it’s really helping him with his image issues

“…….WAAAAAAAAAHHH!!”

As some of you already know, this is Diamond’s fave holiday, so our house has been decorated within an inch of it’s life for-e-ver!

Flashing lights, blow up black cats, smoke machines, witches on the roof, mechanical spiders

You name it, it’s in our front yard

It’s a fair dinkum freak show….and we love it

It’s Macaroni’s fave holiday too – but that’s mainly because October is her birthday month too

My MIL has always called her a Halloween baby

Which makes me think of shit like this

Lovely

We went to the pumpkin patch with the girls last week

And I think we can all agree

That my photo skills, are quite possibly getting worse

I believe it’s a direct result of NOT having a drink before we left the house

That doesn’t happen often, and I think my picture taking skills suffered as a result, agreed?

Anyhoo – was a beautiful day, weather was absolutely stunning

And we scored some fab pumpkins

Chalk it up for a win

We’ll take the kids trick or treating after school today

But we’re still undecided if we’re going to bring the Fluffinator along for the festivities this year

Remember the Halloween shenanigans from 2009?

Fluff’s pretty much been in the Halloween naughty corner since then

I’m thinking it might be time to stick a costume on him and take him out again

Fuck it, I could do with a laugh

Hopefully pics (from tonight) won’t suck hairy goat balls

Maybe someone else should be photog?

I’ll be pretty busy balancing the candy cart that will be half empty by the time we get home my drink

And the 130 pound dog

Now I just need to get him a costume

Any suggestions?

And he’ll be kicking of the day’s party proceedings

By licking himself in places most blokes can only dream about

Because he can

Although I can’t work out if it’s kinda cruel to the dog or not

He seems OK

Fuck it

I’m signing Fluffy and I up for salsa lessons anyway

She had to draw a picture to accompany each sentence about her senses

Like, a picture to show her favourite thing to smell

She drew Fluffy

Her favourite thing to see?

Fluffy again

Her favourite thing to touch?

Wait for it….yep….Fluffy

Are you sensing the pattern here?

So of course her favourite thing to hear but the one thing that does Diamond & my head in is Fluffy too

She finally drew something different when it was time to show what her favourite thing to taste was

Otherwise her class would think we ran a Chinese restaurant

Icecream

*Insert sigh of relief here*

Is a pile of fluff after Diamond was done brushing the dog for the 3rd time today

I totally don’t brush the dog EVER because he gets all bitey and grumpy with me and we both end up sulky and not talking to each other

I, brush the children‘s hair

The other is a pile of Fluffy

And then here’s some other random ginger mutt

That just sold for $1.5m

Yeah, that’s MILLION

For a ranga-red-headed dog

I’ll stick with the blonde one thankyouverymuch

They called the million dollar Mastiff, Big Splash

I would say he ‘mastiff’ been a  BIG RIP OFF, with a dumb name

Big dogs like that need manly, strong, tough guy names

Like Fluffy

It’ll never happen

And not because I’m too old or dumb don’t have the education

Just ’cause I’m so busy, you know?

Jobs like, trophy chick at the oscars – ’cause you’d meet cool people and show of your rockin’ bod in a flash dress

Crocodile hunter – ’cause I look cute in khaki and can say fuck shit mother fucker CRIKEY really well

Helicopter pilot – so when I went to visit people, I’d just land on their roof. Bugger the driveway

Starbucks person – doesn’t really matter which person, as long as I get a starbucks tshirt, hat & free coffee

Minister for Immigration – ’cause I’m pretty sure the dickwad doing the job now doesn’t speak for me and is an academic arsewipe

Author – I’d write children’s books, and illustrate them  myself too, cause I am the shit at drawing stick figures

The person who keeps Beyonce’s boobs from falling out – ’cause that is an artform. I watch that girl get all up in her bootilicious-ness and can’t believe that it’s just double sided tape telling her funbags to stay put

And there’s a lot of other jobs I’d like to try too

But the one I could never do?

.

A veterinarian

Who has to deal with 124 pound fur balls

With ear infections

And they have to stick stuff in the dog’s ear

To get this cack out

With NO GLOVES ON

And then when the dog tries to bite her – ’cause she’s got half her arm buried in the side of his head

She’s all, ooooh sweety, don’t be scared

And I’m thinking, scared? Lady, he’s about to bite your face off. You’re hurting him

But she keeps plodding away

Getting all the gunk out

Then she gives him some medicine – and some for me to take home for him

Gives us some instructions

And sends us on our way

But not before trying to shake my hand

EEEWWW!

So I’ve taken my hat off to a few people this week

Jessica Watson

And parents of sick kids

And now crazy people who do shit to my dog that I would NEVER do vets

I think I’ll stick to what I know

Which is drinkin’ bitchin’ and singin’!

An idiot

Glutton for punishment

And a sucker

OK?

Good

So anyway, we went looking at puppies!!

We decided that we’re fucking nuts that maybe Fluffy needed a friend

A sister maybe

Kind of like how we were when Miss 6 was little

And we decided to try and give her a sibling

And we ended up with Miss 4

No one gets hit by lightening twice, right?

.

Anyhooo

We knew we didn’t want a small dog that Fluff would squash

Or a yappy dog that I would kill

And we wanted a girl this time

And we knew we wanted to get it from a shelter

A rescue dog

No more million dollar puppies from the pet store for us suckers

And while we found a lot of shelters that had Great Pyrenees dogs

None had puppies

And we really want one we can train from the beginning

Like we sucked at did with Fluffy

So we didn’t find any pure Great Pyr pups

But we did find this one

Her name is SLUSHY

Which we would have to change, because we’re obviously a family that would insist on a REALLY cool, tough name

Like Fluffy *ahem*

Anyhoo

Slushy is 11 weeks old

And she’s half Great Pyrenees

And are you ready for it???

And half Saint Bernard

You know, like those ones in the movies?

*Please go back and read first 4 lines*

As diamond said

We already have a house full of slobber & drool from him

And dog hair

How much difference can it make with a 2nd dog?

And I’m like, uh, how about DOUBLE the difference buttwad??

But realistically, the final call has to be Diamond’s

‘Cause when I’m on tour

He’ll be the one here with 2 kids and 2 horses dogs

.

So because Slushy is a rescue/shelter dog

We went out to the adoption show that was held yesterday

That we knew she’d be at

.

We got to hold her

Check her out

We took Fluffy with us so he could sniff her butt check her out too

Needless to say, we all fell in love with her

And wanted to take her home right then and there

But here’s the catch

We filled out adoption papers for her

And so did 10 other mother fuckers families!

So it turns out there’s other idiots out there who want a ginormous pet too

.

And now we wait

For the ‘powers that be’ to go over our application

And decide where the best home for Slushy would be

And no, I didn’t know this is how it all would go down

But I’m a dork, and I didn’t check out everything completely beforehand

I just thought, we’d see her, and if we loved her, we’d get to have her

Way to break your kid’s hearts go ME!

So now I have 3 babies 2 little girls who have been asking me non-stop, ALL DAY

Did they ring?

Did they pick us?

Do we get to keep Slushy?

Does Fluffy get a sister?

And while it’s doing my head in a bit

I’m as anxious as they are