Macaroni’s last basketball game tonight

Her coach couldn’t make it and had asked Diamond in advance if he could fill in for him

It’s pretty simple stuff

The kids are all young

And the coaches direct them when to dribble

Who to pass to

Where to stand

There’s no rough stuff

All very controlled and cute

With the emphasis on it being fun for the kids

There’s not a lot of skill involved

On the other team tonight was a ‘rambunctious’ little boy

And by rambunctious, I mean little shithead

He was running into all the kids

On BOTH teams

Snatching the ball out of everyone’s hands

Hitting

Generally setting an AWESOME example

For birth control

I was getting mightily pissed on the sidelines

After watching one kid after another get punched and pushed over

Now anyone that knows Diamond, knows he’s a hot head

And part Italian

Put those two together, and you understand why he’s not the regular coach

He’s knows himself too well – so he stays on the sidelines normally

With me

We always joke that if the girls want to play competitive sports when they’re older

Daddy will have to wait in the car

So imagine my surprise when Diamond didn’t say anything when the feral from the other team was going on his rampage

For 20 minutes he just bit his lip

And ignored it

Then when I thought that I would be the one to lose it

Diamond walked over to the little boy

And said quietly,

Buddy, just take it easy. We’re all hear to have fun – so you have to be a bit gentle with the other kids, OK?

The little kid nodded

Then proceeded to run over to his mother & grandmother – or maybe it was her sister

It was hard to tell when she obviously uses a cheese grater to exfoliate her face

And told them that the bad man had told him to stop playing so rough

And the Mum & Scarface the Grandmother told him to ignore the stupid man, and get out there and keep playing

Then they sat there and said what an arsehole the man, my HUSBAND, was

And that he should keep his mouth shut. Their boy watches the NBA and the Chicago Bulls play, and is only playing rough like the big boys do

And who does the stupid man think he is anyway?

That was about the time that I leaned over to them and said,

He’s the coach

And he’s my husband

Which is when they started talking in Polish

Which I don’t speak

But I’m pretty sure the look on someone’s face is universal when they call you a cunt

You were all very helpful

And were quick to let me know that the word was ‘CIPA’

Which is totally what Grandma called me

Which is why I told old hail-damage face to ‘go fuck herself’

Under my breath of course

My breath just happens to be pretty loud

I was quick to look around to see if anyone heard me

I tunred to the lady sitting behind me, to see if she had

She gave me two thumbs up

So yeah, she heard me

And yeah, she’s my new favourite

I was at my daughter’s basketball game, remember?

Which was being played at a church

So I was controlling myself

Too bad ol’ cottage-cheese-cheeks couldn’t do the same

She kept ranting and waving her arms around, gibbering

I think she was secretly totally jealous of my awesome Aussie wrinkly, pale skin & freckles

I was waiting for lightening to strike from above and kill the bitch

See, God?

It’s NOT always my fault, DUDE