Dear Jenny

As a Muslim woman I find you and your writings astonishing, and not in a good way. People like you are an embarrassment. Your lack of knowledge and obvious ignorance of my religion is both laughable and offensive at the same time. Western women like you make me proud to be a Muslim and not like you

Laughable & offensive at the same time?

Score one for me!

And don’t flatter yourself take it personally. Just wait ’til you hear my lack of knowledge and ignorance about the Catholic religion!

The bullies were there making his life hell
calling him names and saying he had a bad smell
they kicked and punched his body and face
getting home from school was a race
I held him close as he cried in my arms
I tried to comfort him and keep him calm
I told him I love him, I’d keep him safe
I wiped the tears from his face
My little boy begging “please don’t send me back school”
“Mummy they’ll hit me, they keep hurting me mummy,I can’t cope with it all”
I wish i could have taken away his pain,
just to see him smile again!
He wrote an email, I didn’t know.
Then a few days later said “ok back I go”
I checked his computer while he was gone
I found an email we will remember all our lives long.
This emailed had given him the strength to fight
He faced them bullies with his might
No fists for him no kicks to hurt
My darling boy used his words
He told them all, just how he felt.
That it was their rotten attitudes that smelt.
He made them see he wasn’t so shy
That night he came home and boy did he cry
He cried with relief when I said they were through
I had found him a school, he could start fresh and new.
My baby is now smiling as he goes out the door
He comes home smiling…
Could a mum wish for more?

Thanks Jenny, you will never understand what you did for us!

Dear Jenny

I was at the show the other night in Auckland

I had never seen you before and thought you were alright. I don’t usually like girl comedians. I reckon they’re all ugly and hate men.

I reckon that’s because they can’t get a root. You’re not too bad I reckon. You didn’t pick on me which was good. I hate it when chick comedians think it’s funny to have a go at the blokes in the crowd. I reckon I might even come and see you again if you come back to Auckland.

I reckon next time

You should definitely sit in the front row

  Dear Jenny

I am 29 years old and have never really been single. I go from one boyfriend to the next. I always go for the same type of man. Older, with money. It’s not that I’m a snob, I just find that older men are more financially secure, give better gifts and tend to have more experience in the bedroom. I have a fairly high sex drive and like a man to know what he’s doing. The thing is, I’m not really happy. What am I doing wrong?

Get a job and buy a vibrator…. you’ll live!

JT

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Dear Jenny

I have been married for 38 years. Most of them happy. My husband is a good man who has always worked hard to provide for me and my the kids. Now that the kids are out of the house we have a lot more free time on our hands. I love my husband but he’s starting to drive me crazy. I’m not used to spending this much time with him and I don’t know if our marriage can survive being together all day every day. All he does is sit around and smoke drugs and surf the internet for porn. I don’t know what to do. Please help me Jenny

Please sort your own shit out mum

JT

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Dear Jenny

I am 7 months pregnant with my first baby and starting to get very nervous. My friends keep telling me all their nightmare stories about childbirth and how frightening it can be. I know you have 2 kids, please tell me it’s not so bad

Ummm… how do I explain this best? 

Imagine pulling your top lip up over your head. That about sums it up.

Sorry!
JT

 Dear Jenny

I consider myself a feminist and find your songs and comedy to be totally inappropriate. We live in an age where woman shouldn’t be making jokes about head jobs, their boobs & all the other disgusting topics you choose to sing about.

Wouldn’t you do better for future generations of women to focus on subjects that aren’t so immature and R rated?

Wouldn’t you be best to getting back to braiding your armpit hair?

JT

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Dear Jenny

I am 18 and would really like to go into comedy. I write funny songs, and all my mates say I’m a total crack up. Do you have any advice for an up-an-comer?

It helps to come from a really disfunctional family. 

I’m happy to trade

JT

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  Dear Jenny

I have always been self conscious about my really small bust. It’s taken a while, but I finally have enough money saved to get a breast enhancement. I’m an average sized girl and I’m not sure what size breasts will suit me without looking too obvious. What would you suggest?

Boobs, tits, boulders, melons, honkers, hooters, fun bags – men don’t give a shit. As long as they’re attached to you and you have a pulse (although that’s not always a deal breaker), then they’re happy. 

Save your money! 

But it if you’re interested in vaginal rejuvination….

JT

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 Dear Jenny

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over three years and we are mostly very happy

Sometimes he likes to role play when we have sex. Most of the time this doesn’t bother me but lately he seems to be getting a little weirder. He’s been dressing up as a nun and wants me to beat him while he confesses. Is this normal?

Ummmm no. Your boyfriend is a wack job. Fuck him off!

JT

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