Can’t drag yourself away from Twitter?

Don’t want to miss a enemies friend’s status update on Facebook?

Then grab yourself one of these ugly fucking things must have loser pillows cushions for those who like to power nap while they network

Although, it looks a bit masturbate-y to me

Like guys should stick on their lap

And start ratlin’ the sperm bank

Or is that just the way my brain works?

Don’t answer that

Would you use one?

Alternatively, you could just save your money for cheese puffs and beer

And just take your laptop to bed like I do

It’s my first video blog from the last UK tour in 2009

Back when I knew how to use iMovie and thought hey fuck it, why don’t I make a full on live DVD and edit it MY FUCKING SELF with final cut pro like all the professionals use but I would need a newer computer and updated software so I’ll just go spend thousands of dollars on that shit but wait oh hey, I don’t know how to USE this fancy fucking program so I better get me some lessons from the experts in blue shirts at the Apple store who are really helpful which is good because I’ll end up spending more time with them than my fucking husband because I didn’t realise that I shouldn’t edit using USB external hard drives, and every fucktard (except me) knows you can only use firewire hard drives for big arse projects because otherwise you’ll lose months of fucking editing work when your files become corrupt and won’t fucking open anymore and you’re so spewing you could cry except you already ARE crying because you missed out on going to see the Dolly Parton concert that you had VIP tickets for AND you have to get your shit done yesterday ’cause it’s only 46 more god damn mother fucking days ’til Christmas fuck cunt prick shit mother fucker

And how’s YOUR day going?

Or that you have no life children

But I wanted to share

For those of you that haven’t

We’re in the car on the way to Orange

Where the show is tonight

And Mum & I have watched this on the trip

No less than 14 times so far

And every time

We laugh, snort

And pee a little in our pants

Every. Time.

Does this girl even realise just how fucking awesome she is?

I’m totally starting a fan club

Anyone know her name?

It’s been months since she’s posted anything new

And without fail, she again reminds me why my girls will never

Have locks on their bedroom doors, computers, sex and access to the internet

And ever since I can remember, I’ve been told just how much better MAC computers are

I never understood why

They looked the same

But were twice as expensive

So why would you buy one?

2 years ago, after my millionth PC shat istself, I bit the bullet

Fuck it, I’ll try a Mac

They were double the price of a regular computer, but they came loaded with all the music, photo & video software that I would normally have to buy as extras

I’ve never looked back

Seriously, can I can get technical with you for a minute?

APPLE MACS are the SHIT!

Cooler, they do so much stuff

STUFF. STUFF. STUFF!

So today when I turned on my you-beaut Mac Book Pro

And went into the iphoto program to edit some pictures I’d taken for the blog

I have over 8,000 photos stored, but that’s the beauty of this computer

It handled all my videos and photos and porn  with ease

Until today

When I found my photo library empty

EMP-fucking-TY!

NADA!

Not a fucking photo in sight 

Words can’t even explain how totally, furiously pissed off I am was

Put it this way, my kids new word for the day is MOTHER FUCKER!!

So I call the help line and was told that my shit hot Macs that is supposedly VIRUS PROOF has been corrupted

Corrupted?

I don’t know about you – but that sounds awfully lots like a fucking VIRUS!

So yeah I’m pissed

I’ve been assured that the photos are still in my computer ‘somewhere’

And someone can  get them out for me for a small ransom

And everyone’s been telling me if I had my files backed up, it’s really not a major drama

If I had my files backed up?

Of course I don’t DO

Great, so now this is MY fault?

Don’t answer that!

But as you know 

I’ve always been someone that when life gives me lemons

I make vodka & lemonade

So while I may not have photos of my kids dance recitals and summer holidays any more

I have this

And I’m feeling better already