The same tree again today, at 4:30pm

Winter has arrived in Chicago!

With Diamond and the girls

My best friend and her family

On their property down south

Pretty sure I’m never coming back

But not quite yet…

I DID make it home in time for my mother-in-law’s birthday party

I arrived just in time to see Diamond & his brother nearly blow themselves up set of an amazing fireworks display

It was loud, huge and awesome

And totally illegal

But Diamond’s been running from the police doing this since he was a kid

And had it timed to be finished before the police showed up

It was all over with 30 seconds to spare

So I started my week off with a BIG bang and some fireworks

And haven’t stopped since

Back to school shopping

Because I am so incredibly organised

OK, whatever

Because the girls and I leave soon, and won’t be back ’til school starts and the shops will totally have run out of all the shit I need which will completely fuck with my plans to start the school year off as the Mum with her shit together the mostest

So there’s been back to school eye tests, dental checks and physicals

All passed with flying colors

Does this mean I get a refund on school fees the first time they come home with some kind of bug/flu/cold for the year?

Imma gonna need that in writing thankyouverymuch

There’s been play dates at the park

The weather’s been amazing since I got home

Total swimming weather

Too bad I wouldn’t be caught dead I can’t find my bathers

My nephew and (only) niece have been in from Arizona

Who Macaroni and Magoo ADORE

I have forty-hundred cousins

And the girls only have 6

They get such a thrill when they can spend time with any of them

So there’s been sleepovers, water gun wars, swimming and lots of fun

And s’mores!

And because this weekend is the 4th July weekend over here

That means more parties and fireworks

The legal kind

And drinking

I’ve gone through more Yellow Tail this week than I normally go through in a month

Wine with lunch, in the arvo, with dinner, after dinner

And yes possibly right now with breakfast

Because it’s 10:42 at NIGHT in New Zealand right now

What are you…the fun police?

It’s called DENIAL jet-lag, people!

Overlooking the palm trees and the beach

Giving my baby some much deserved TLC

I’d be lost without her

There was a few inches of snow to run around in

We were both looking forward to the impending blizzard last night

Just to see how much more snow we’d actually get

And because we’re both really technomological and science-y

And totally not weird at all

*ahem*

We decided to conduct an experiment

Using Ariel, the Little Mermaid

Nude

We stuck her outside our front windows in all her glory

Nekkid

FYI – none Magoo’s dolls have clothes

We chose Ariel because she was the only doll in Magoo’s collection that still has arms and legs

Then we went back inside

To take photos of her through the window as the snow fell

She started to look pretty cold out there

Especially once the snowage started stacking up on her beehive

This was after about half an hour

This was this morning from the front window

Woops – we lost her

The view from our back window was even worse

So the girls got bundled up and headed out on their rescue mission straight after brekky

They were digging for nearly 15 minutes

Then they hit paydirt

Or red hair

Either way, they were happy

There was so much snow to get through

And Macaroni insisted that Magoo pull Ariel out gently

So she didn’t hurt her

So Magoo kindly informed her sister that Ariel was probably already dead

She’s subtle like that

Jackpot!

They got her out

And Magoo said, “…she’s AWIVE!”

If you don’t count the fact that her nipples seem to have fallen off

She seemed OK

Anyhoo

Happy to report she’s now dried off

Warmed up

And inside

Doing rude things with a chipmunk under a blanket

Diamond & I took the girls downtown yesterday on the train

There was major snow coming in

So we thought it’d be better than driving

Plus, we all love the shit out of the train

Downtown was C-O-L-D

The girls didn’t know what had hit ‘em

The whining started as soon as we got there

Seriously, the AUSTRALIAN (yeah, that’s me) was FINE

Like, didn’t whinge about the cold AT ALL

Pussies

Can I say ‘pussies’ in a family feel good post?

‘Course I can

PUSSIES

The big Macy’s department store is a popular place to go at Christmas time

The window decorations are amazing

No pics of them though

Everyone was TOOOOO C-O-O-OLD to walk around the outside of the store & check them out

So we went straight in to Santa’s village

Where we waited a little while

But his elves there told us that it would be at least an hour wait

So the girls decided that they’d already seen (the real) Santa this year

Below is the real Santa – according to Macaroni & Magoo

And had a video message from him too

So they were happy to head to the Walnut Room

With their Macy’s Smurfs

We were told that there was at least an hour-long wait to eat there too

But for some reason

Probably because I’m so ridiculously good looking

Or ’cause Diamond slipped them a twenty

We got in straight away

How cool is their tree?

Light up crystals make it look so beautiful

Best part?

The Walnut Room has it’s own FAIRY!

Worst part?

Apparently the FAIRY had PMS and couldn’t be persuaded to come to our table

Hmmm?

Anyhoo

As with all life’s crisis’

The solution is always FOOD!

And these  snowman deserts made the girls forget about the rude fairy

And I’m confident that the dagger-glare-from-hell I gave her

Will haunt her dreams forever

Cow

Back to our happy place…

Let’s carry on shall we?

Next stop, we headed over to Daley Plaza

Where they have an outdoor Christmas market

And the biggest decorated Christmas tree in Chicago

That’s when the snow started

We took refuge in some of the little shops

But mostly, we stayed out in it

And enjoyed it

With the help of some hot chocolate

And a carriage ride around the city

Then it was back to Union Station

With time to spare

So we checked out some of their Chrissy decorations too

By the time we got off at our stop

We were in some S-N-O-W

Which meant Diamond had some shoveling to do when we got back to the house

While the girls & I made a snowman

This is Mum & Dad’s view in Australia, this time of year

And this is mine

There really is no place like HOME for the holidays

My home is wherever my family is

Australia or Chicago – doesn’t matter to me

But I’m probably bipolar

And then I come to Australia for this tour

And then had to buy a COAT

because I’m a fucktard & didn’t bring one

I mean, I have shitloads of bloody coats/jackets/scarves/furry underwear

But I left home thinking, it’s Australia

How cold can it get?

Yeah well, I got my answer to that one early on

And technically, it’s nowhere NEAR Chicago cold here right now

But my body doesn’t give a shit

It’s cold

Thank God for backstage heaters and hotels with electric blankets

Go ahead, call me a pussy

But at least now with my new coat, I’m a warm pussy

Eeewww, bad visual

Not Sorry

Anyhooo

Saying hi to all the people that come to the shows never gets old

Especially with all the technology we have access to these days

So I can be on, say, FACEBOOK

And read someone’s comments on there about coming to the show

How maybe they’re excited, and it’s something they’re looking forward to

Or they might TWITTER that they’re on the way to a gig

And if I have my shit together, which is like never

I like to take note of their names

And then, embarrass the shit out of them call them out when I’m on stage

Just to say hi, and let them know that I know they’re there

I have been having some fun fucking with people with that on this trip

It’s funny, ‘cause there are many people that I have been communicating with online

That I’ve never met

And their profile pic is of their dog or their kids

So you don’t know what they look like either

It’s always fun to put a face to a name you’ve only seen on a computer screen

This week has see us meet A LOT of mates from the internet

Competition winners

Fans of our albums

We’ve been given all sorts of stuff to sign

Of course there’s the tits

And number plates

Cars

Teddy bears

Guitars

Old RECORDS

Everyone’s always so happy & friendly

.

This is Kylie

And she reads the blog religiously

And I got to meet her & Tanya at the Tanunda show

(told you I’d put you in here!)

I know I’ve said it before

but I drink a lot and like to repeat myself

But it’s got to be one of the best parts of the job

.

One more South Australia show

Then Tasmania, here we come

And they tell me it’s even colder there!

Apparently the kind of weather that makes you realise men have nipples too

Please send thermal underwear

Ooh oohh, hang on!

I have an even better idea

Send Diamond !!!

Hope your all having a good weekend

And find some time to relax

In your own special ‘thoughtful spot’

.

.

thanks Anne!

On Fridays we go to the video store

Stock up on the microwave popcorn

And settle down for a great night in

This Friday’s was awesome

Don’t even ask me what movie we watched

I was out like a light within 2 minutes of pressing ‘play’ on the DVD player

But here’s where it got good

I woke up

And the movie was over

And I could hear the girls giggling

And thought, oh shit they’ve found the silver bullet in my underwear draw what are they up to?

.

They were covered in my moisturiser

My makeup wipes were strewn all over the room

And every hair brush / comb / clip in the house, was scatttered all around me

The kicker?

They were playing beauty salon

And I was the client

Jackpot-bingo-you-bloody-beauty!

I was immediately instructed to go back to sleep

While they rubbed cream on my feet

Wiped it off with the wipes

Put more back on again

And brushed my hair

I reckon popping these two mini-humans out

Hurt like a mother fucker

Should make me eligible for some kind of genius award

Or at least the Mayor of Awesome-ville