Anyone in Chicago knows it’s a big day today

A H-U-G-E day

It’s the big playoff football game between forever rivals

The Chicago Bears & The Green Bay Packers

If the Bears win this one, they’re going to the Superbowl

Which they haven’t won since 1985

That’s when this suberb video was made

So it’s kinda a big deal ’round these parts

Especially in our house

Both girls have their Bear’s jerseys on

We even got out our Bear’s bathtowels

With glitter on them? (oh Magoooo….)

Bear’s soap

Even the Fluffinator has to wear his Bear’s hat

Until he gets it off and eats it

The girls dress their toys up

Stick up homemade Bear’s decorations

We even crank out Diamond’s beloved Bear’s blanket

That was his Grandmas

And is older than him (which makes it pretty o-l-d)

We’ve got Bear’s deck chairs

Even though it’s a tad nippily to be outside sitting on anyone’s deck

I only have to look out our window to see our neighbours are getting in the spirit too

Diamond’s been wearing his jersey all year

But today’s the first day I’ve worn mine this year

So they’d better win

Or you KNOW who’s going to get the blame…

UPDATE: Bears lost. I’m burning the fucking shirt

This week’s BAD PENIS TATTOO THURSDAY is again featuring women

But not like LAST WEEK’S WOMEN

This week’s woman at least has some PENES

Well no…hang on…she doesn’t actually HAVE DICKS & BALLS

She just has tattoos of DICKS & BALLS

Why?

Who the fuck knows really

Why would anyone choose to cover themselves in tattoos of baby makers & scrotums?

Especially a Nanna

I’m just glad she’s not my Nanna

(even though I’m sure she’s totally lovely and can knit the shit out of a scarf)

My family is dysfunctional enough

Without having my grandmother’s bald, dick-covered dome adding to the crazy

* If you’re really missing the MEN of BAD PENIS TATTOO THURSDAY, feel free to CLICK HERE - that should cure you! (warning: you can’t UN-see it!)

It’s that time again

And I don’t know about you, but it’s starting to feel a little anticlimactic, don’t you think?

I just really think that once you’ve seen THIS (click at your own risk)

Everything else just pales in comparison really

I mean I give this guy an A for effort

I bet he’s even got a job where he wears a long sleeve shirt & shorts….postman?

And no one is any the wiser that underneath all that

His scrotum is black with ink and pierced

On closer observation, it’s not a very big piercing and it would have needed too much ink

And I hate to say it, but once you’ve seen a BUTTERFLIED PENIS

All other wieners just come off as wannabes

Nice try though mate…

One of the cool things about traveling is the different foods you get to experience

OK, so experiencing any food, anywhere is completely fine with me

Especially food I didn’t have to cook

I’ll try whatever’s going

Except monkey glands

You hear that South Africa?

While I love your people, culture and amazeballs wild life parks

I refuse to chew on a chimps scrotum

What about that sounds enticing to you?

‘Cause to me, it paints a picture of some whackjob in a chef’s hat – a hundred screaming primates – and a pair of hedge trimmers

Ouch

And yuk

Our waiter at one restaurant ASSURED me that it didn’t ‘really’ mean there were ‘actual’ monkey glands in the food

It’s just what the food was called

Wah?

That’s like serving up chocolate fudge slice

And calling it POO CAKE

Why would you do that?

You should try and ‘woo’ the tourists with your local cuisine

Disguise the grody shit you’re trying to serve up

Monkey gland soup?

Why not just call it, Mendella Meat Ball Soup?

I would totally try that

Cause I’m into soup and politics

Yeah, you really need to work on your menu descriptions

Some of us (ie; me) foreigners are a bit squeamish about the weird stuff

I don’t need to know ALL the deets about what I am about to partake in

‘Cause really, the idea of monkey gland soup makes me gag like a teenager giving her first blow job

Speaking of headjobs

I have a hot date tonight, with my husband Diamond, at a cool new restaurant by our house

Apparently they have fresh Rocky Mountain Oysters on the menu

Which is another yummy sounding dish I’ve never tried

Diamond says that they’re really bull testicles

I told him to shut the fuck up