Category Archives: babies

mrs magoo

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8

5 years ago I was a Mum of a 2 year old daughter

I was slowly getting the hang of the whole ‘parenting’ thing

It didn’t come easily

I struggled a lot in the early days

I wouldn’t change any of that, given the chance

Because when I finally DID start to get my shit together

I felt that I’d EARNT it

And I appreciated the hell out of it

This little girl that called me Mama

The best thing that ever happened to me

Besides her Daddy


When all was finally right with my world

We decided to ‘do it again’

Make our little girl a ‘big sister’

I finally had a handle on being a Mum

So bring on number 2

I’ve got this licked


And oh my God

Along came another little girl

Who rocked my world

Everything I knew about parenting

Was fucking useless with this kid

She was a force of nature

She ate constantly

And breastfeeding her was akin to feeding a rabid tiger cub

Eight times a day!

And the homemade food that I religiously fed her sister

No way dude

Give me the crap in a jar she wailed

And sleep?

Yeah, if she felt like it

Certainly not at night time, that’s for sure

Nap all day

Party through the night

She was a piece of work

And you know what?

Nothing’s changed

She’s still a piece of work

A little rock star who never stops dancing

Always singing

Smiling non-stop

The cheekiest little kid I’ve EVER met


While her big sister made me a mother

And I couldn’t fathom loving another child as much as her

This kid came along and showed me just how big my heart could grow

I adore her

She lights up my day, every day

Her hugs are magic

She is equal parts sweet & punk

Her sense of humour is brilliant

She is perfect

And today she is no longer Miss 4

Today she turns 5

And now wants to be referred to by her favourite nickname

The one that her Poppy gave her


So Happy 5th birthday Mrs Magoo

Mummy’s little Bubbaloo

snot rags please

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4

My baby (who is 6 but will always be my baby no matter what you say so shut it)

Starts 1st grade today

And I will not cry

(anymore)

WILL not cry

(anymore)

Will NOT cry

(anymore)

Will not CRY

(anymore)

This is not working

MUST not cry?

(anymore)

OK, maybe just a little

(more)

I am a joke

Where did my baby girl go?

This parenting gig is bullshit



mr shuffles

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1

I know the Aussies reading this wold have heard all about this story

But some of my yank & pommy other mates may not have

So, this one’s for you

.

See, there’s this elephant at Taronga Zoo

You remember Taronga Zoo right?

That’s where I took the kids last year when we were in Sydney

And Miss 6 nearly lost a limb

Yeah, that zoo

So anyway, they have this pregnant elephant there

But the baby died before it was born

All the tests showed that here was no sign of a heartbeat. No movement in the womb. Blood tests and ultrasound results were bad

It was so sad

Then yesterday morning, when zoo keepers went in to check on the mother

They saw that she had given birth

And the dead elephant calf was in the corner of the pen

When they went over to check it out

The baby elephant lifted it’s head up

And apparently that’s something that dead elephants don’t do

no shit sherlock

How cool is that?

The baby they thought was dead had managed to fool them all

It’s had twisted in it’s mother’s womb and gone into a coma

But at 100kg (over 220 pounds) this little guy has turned out to be a complete miracle

That’s a big arse baby

I won’t be complaining about popping out a couple of 9 pounders anymore

.

They haven’t named him yet

So for now, his nickname is Mr Shuffles

‘Cause he shuffles around like a little old man

I’m already looking forward to taking Miss 6 & Miss 4 back to Taronga next year

And they can see this little dude for themselves

Don’t you just love a happy ending?