thank you for the music

What a week!
I mean, work wise, it’s been another run of ‘WOW’ shows that have truly been so fun
I know, ‘so fun’ is a lame-o description – but it’s the best one
This week has been SO FUCKING FUN

Lucky it has too, because it makes it easier to get through the shit stuff
And by shit stuff, I’m referring to the death of two of my favorite singers
Now, I have a LOT of favorites, and add more each year
But for most of my music listening life, these two have been in my top five

Fristly, CHRISSY AMPHLETT
In my opinion, the first (and still the best) true ROCK chick and front woman, to ever come out of Australia

She was the lead singer of the DIVINYLS, who most of the world would know, for their biggest hit,
I TOUCH MYSELF
While that is a great song, their music catalogue is so rich with fucking phenomenal tunes (so many of which were massive on the charts in Oz) that I would have trouble picking just one favourite.
My first paid gig as a muso was in a duo with my brother Travis, where we sang the shit out of as many Divinyls songs as we could get away with
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(yes I have a Tweety Bird vest on)

It was ‘never-fail’ music that would get any crowd on their feet and singing alongIMG_2628

We were probably only ever about 2 songs away from being called a Divinyls cover band
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(…and a matching tutu…yep)


A great description found on youtbe:
“…Few Aussie Rock Bands defined the era better than the Divinyls , fewer still did it with a lead singer who was a woman, and a very assertive and menacing one at that, who had such stage presence that she demanded your attention. With a reputation for being sultry and unpredictable on stage, but never less than intriguing … There is no denying the Divinyls’ place in Australia’s Rock and Roll history …  They were controversial , they had catchy songs, and Chrissy Amphlett is still the most unique and as it has turned out the most versatile female vocalist this country has produced”

 

 

And the….THEN!

GEORGE JONES died yesterday
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Now, I get, that he was 81…but that doesn’t make me any less teary when I type those words….George Jones died.

A bit of background:
My parents, and particularly my Dad, have always been huge, I’m talking H-U-G-E country music fans. Our house where I grew up, in Kalgoorlie, was never quiet. There was ALWAYS music coming from the stereo. And that music was always country

And if you like your country REAL country,  George Jones is your man
Then George Jones married Tammy Wynette and country music had it’s first ever King & Queen

Most of you / some of you / none of you, may know that my given name is actually
TAMMY-JO….yep….yehaw and all that
Not a lot of people actually know that the ‘TAMMY’ is after Tammy Wynette
And the ‘JO’ is after George Jones. (Dad wanted it to be TAMMY-JONES, but Mum won that one, thankyoubabyjesus)

With the occasional exception, I sing at least one George Jones song every night to warm up before going on stage

I will be eternally grateful that I got to see George live in concert three times
The last time was with Mum & Dad in Chicago. And I have no shame telling you that the 3 of us sat there with tears rolling down our faces, listening to his voice, the truest, purest country voice of all time, sing the songs that were the soundtrack to my childhood, and so many brilliant memories for our family

He was peerless, fearless, with the most distinctive, goosebump inducing tone to his voice, that I don’t believe anyone will ever match
RIP to the THE POSSUM

 

Just a little heads up, someone might want to go and wrap Cyndi Lauper in cotton wool and make sure NOTHING happens to her.
Or your going to need to put me on suicide watch
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She’s been my number one since neck bandanas were cool.

 

OK, make me feel better about being such a sook
Who was the soundtrack to your childhood?
What music heroes of yours would you be devastated to lose / or have already said goodbye to?

silence of the lambs, elf edition

I’m a fan of the whole Elf On The Shelf
I know some people hate them and others have WAY too much fucking time on their hands when it comes to their elves
We love him at our house, and have since we first got him
This year he got a sister, Stella
Because I am an idiot
Who needs her head read
Anyhoo….last night I posted this

Then came up with the idea of putting one of them in a pot plant (Stella)
And the other (Stampy) on a wall mounted light sconce
Yes, I may have been drinking all afternoon with my neighbours hello it’s Christmas!?!
BUT!
It’s a light we never turn on, so no danger, right?
Until I went downstairs this morning hungover as a mofo, and forgetting WHERE I’d put them, I TURNED ON THE FUCKING LIGHT THAT WE NEVER TURN ON, so the kids could find the elves more easily. So before you get all, oh-my-god-you-dumb-arse….I was HELPING. Thinking of the CHILDREN

Not 30 seconds had passed
First there was a smell
Then a little bit of swearing
OK, a lot of fucking swearing
Then there was Diamond running to the flames
Then the sound of the girls coming downstairs for breakfast
Then there was Diamond and I giving each other one of those WHAT DO WE DO NOW?!?, looks, that parents do so well
Only this was the turbo version
It was the WHAT IN FUCKING FUCK DO WE DO NOW!?!?!?, look
So Diamond threw Stampy at me….I grabbed him and I bolted for the garage to hide him
The girls didn’t see a thing
Win.
I also learnt that I am swift as all get out, when the possibility of fucking up Christmas entirely is on the line
My next facebook post looked like this

Because Stampy’s butt was charred
And there was NO way my kids, especially Macaroni, would NOT notice or question us or drive us mental with the why, when, what of it all
Rather than make up some story about how Stampy burnt his bum on the jet pack that takes him back to the North Pole every night – and have them not believe me. Because that would be stoopid and obviously made up
(Unlike the elf and his sister that show up magically every morning. That shit’s totally acceptable…derr)
I knew I had to get a new one

Except Stampy’s 4 years old now
And the new versions of Elf On The Shelf don’t quite look the same
Note to people who make this Elf – WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU CHANGED THE DESIGN OF THIS?!?!? IT’S LIKE YOU WANT US TO FAIL AS PARENTS YOU DIPSHITS!!!
I went to 3 Targets
All they had was girls
And hysterical sales assistants who laughed their arses off when I told them why I needed a boy elf. NOW, no I do NOT want you to order me one, I need it NOW.
After a LONG morning of driving around, I was starting to get panicky.
And the more panicky I got, the more I was like, who the fuck AM I? And how did I turn into an SUV driving Mum that is tearing up because she can’t find the right Elf. And who made up the rule that wine is bad with breakfast?
For fuck’s sake.
At every shop, I got better at mumbling under my breath about how I might have set our elf on fire, followed by a death stare that was effective enough that they at least tried to stifle their giggles while they went and looked for a new one for me.
Yay for Barnes and Noble
Who had BOY elves
And waited until I was walking out of the store to start laughing
Huzzah!

Or not
Because when I opened the box and saw his face, I knew I was screwed
While he looked SIMILAR to Stampy

He looked DIFFERENT enough that my kids would totally notice
See? The one at the back is Stampy. He’s smaller, has darker hair, and is wearing more blush
Blush Stampy?
Trust me to have a tranny elf with a shrunken head
Dickhead (Stampy, not me)

So you know what had to be done, right?
It was for the greater good
Don’t get all judgey on me.
It was time for a head transplant
But….it was also time to pick the kids up from school
So I’ve hidden the body parts in the garage
And officially delegated this job to Diamond
He is the fixer in this family
While I, am obviously the fucker-upper
And yes, I realise that I dodged a bullet
I know this could totally have been worse
Like, burn the fucking house down worse
Diamond’s best friend is a fireman and whenever he comes to our house, the first thing he does is walk around and blow out all the candles I have lit everywhere
So I know he is going to SHIT a brick when he reads this
So yeah, I know as far as parenting safety, being responsible blah blah, I’m kinda failing at being a good example
I get it

But I think we can all agree I’m averaging an A+ at being a horrible warning

UPDATE: Thanks to Martha Stewart Diamond, no one seems to be any the wiser!
Yes!!
Now, let’s all forget me trying to BBQ the elf, K?
I have.

But I know the the elf won’t forget in a hurry

They say that an ELF never forgets
Or is that a giraffe? 

 

better to be safe than stupid

When the man in the camera shop tried to talk me into getting a filter for my lens, I didn’t want one.
Firstly, I don’t know enough about cameras to even know what they do
So, did I even need one?
In fairness, between that, and the strap and the bag he’d already sold me – I thought it was all part of the sales pitch.
Eventually I was like, fuck it, just give me the filer-thingy too
He put it on for me, I paid my money and left.
I never even thought about it again
Until yesterday
When I dropped the camera.
Technically, it FELL out of the car when I opened the door.
And SMASHED on the ground.
I thought I’d fucked the whole damn thing
Until I looked closer
And saw that the big crack
Was on the filter….and ONLY the filter
The rest of the camera was totally fine

Aaah….so THAT’S what the  filter is for
Best $30 I ever spent

I’m totally going to let the camera shop dude say I told you so you dumb bimbo
‘Cause I’m headed out there now
To buy ANOTHER filter

And give him a blowjob hug.