Happy 92nd birthday NANNA!!

Someone should totally show her this vid

She’d be so proud.

read day one (part 1) here

read day one (part 2) here

read day two (part 1) here

read day two (part 2) here

After paddling gorillas and mountaintop lunches

Our day was still going strong

But we were a bit knackered and gladly accepted offers to carry our guitars

It was sound check time!

For part of the year, this location is covered in snow and skiers

At this time of year, it made the perfect location for an outdoor music festival

I’ve played in a lot of places over the years

But none, matched the beauty and scenery of this stage’s backdrop

Not even Narrogin *cough*

Luckily all signs were in English too

Making it all a little less confusing for us Kalgoorlie kids

Did you know that Japan has mosquitos?

Me either

But now….NOW… I know

We weren’t at soundcheck long

We got off easy

Between the local crew’s efficiency

And the Kiwi and Aussie crew’s making sure we had everything we needed

It was a short & sweet end to the day

Just seeing the stage, and the fabbo location

Got me all excited for the gig the next day

See? This is my excited face

Not to be confused with my, holy-shit-I-am-being-eaten-alive-by-killer-mossies-that-don’t-speak-Australian face

But wait, there’s more…but not right now, ’cause my flight’s about to board (wait, didn’t I use that BS excuse already?)

It’s the first time I’ve been to a mining site where it’s ONLY a mine site

I’ve played plenty before, but they were towns, built AROUND a mining site

Granites is just the site, with accomodation

A recreational area, bar

And not a lot else

I left all my winterish clothes in Darwin

I figured I wasn’t going t0 need any of that stuff until I get to New Zealand on Sunday

Any mining gig I’ve ever done before has been hotter than a well-digger’s arsehole

Except this one

Oh-my-mother-fucking-hard-nipples-was-it-COLD!

And this, coming from a girl that has lived in Chicago for more than a decade

So the first I thing I did when we reached camp was grab myself a stylin’ Granites hoodie

That only come in size XXXL

Those miners are big boys

I didn’t care, I was just happy to have something that was too big for me be warm

Heiny & I got to stay in the VIP quarters

Our own rooms, double beds

AND bathrooms

The rest of the dongers on site aren’t nearly as flash

We felt a bit spesh!

We got to eat all our meals in the mess with all the crew

Where Heiny’s pervey eyes just about fell out of her head 3 times a day

She didn’t come home with a husband

But the trip’s not over yet

When we took a walk around camp, we got to see the fun way some of the boys make the scenery their own

We came across so many great characters while we were there

Including Tyson

A funny little fucker who, after 20 or so drinks at the first show

Decided to yell out to me that he only had one testicle

And in case I didn’t hear him the first time

He continued to tell me all night

And was sure to inform me, that he didn’t need the extra nut anyway

He has two daughters, so obviously his one testicle is suffice

We called him POWERBALL

Then there was the young girl who was so into ‘The Waxing Song’, and let me know she felt my pain

“…I’ve been there sister!”

So I called her BALDY

I handed out a few fun nicknames while we were there

Because I’m an arsehole

Before we left, I told the bosses that I would love to come back again

It’s such a different experience

And the 7:30am show just about fucking killed me

But, I loved everything about the place

So, it’s all booked

I’m headed back to Granite’s the last week of November

And you know what’s going to make it even better?

DAD’S coming too!

And for those of you who haven’t seen it

What better day to share it with you than Australia Day

SAS Corporal Ben Roberts-Smith says he is extremely humbled to receive the Victoria Cross for gallantry but he has urged Australians to always remember the digger heroes who have died fighting in Afghanistan.

The 32-year-old was awarded Australia’s highest military honour by Governor-General Quentin Bryce at a special ceremony in Perth on Sunday.

Also present at the Campbell Barracks for the ceremony were Prime Minister Julia Gillard, Opposition Leader Tony Abbott and Defence Force Chief Angus Houston.

Cpl Roberts-Smith was awarded the Victoria Cross for Australia for conspicuous gallantry shown when taking on Taliban machine gun positions near the village of Tizak in Afghanistan’s Kandahar Province on June 11 last year.

After the ceremony, the father of two-month-old twin girls, told reporters he was “extremely humbled” by the award but every member of his unit showed gallantry on the day and they too would be recognised with honours.

He also urged Australians to remember the digger “heroes” who did not come back alive from Afghanistan.

“These are the guys who put their hands up willingly and they didn’t come back.

“They are our mates and their families live with that every day,” Cpl Roberts-Smith said.

“So I will really urge the public to remember they are the heroes, they are the ones who gave the ultimate sacrifice.”

Cpl Roberts-Smith said that in the middle of intense fighting there wasn’t time to think and a soldier’s training kicked in.

“I just looked across and saw my mates getting ripped up.

“I just decided to move forward because I wasn’t going to sit there and do nothing. I thought I’d have a crack, not to let my mates down.”

He then single handedly assaulted two Taliban machine gun positions and took them out.

“We won and we hurt the insurgency. I’m very proud to be part of that,” Cpl Roberts-Smith said.

“I think for everyone there, including myself what’s going through your mind is you just won’t let your mates down.

“You just go as hard as you can.”

He said he could not do his job if he did not have the support of his wife and the rest of his family “and they do support me 100 per cent”.

“I do what I do because I believe in the country that we live in.

“I believe we are making a difference in stemming the flow of terrorism into Australia,” Cpl Roberts-Smith said.

“I want my children to be able to live as everyone does now without the fear of getting on a bus and having it blow up.”

Cpl Roberts-Smith said he was ready to serve on the front line again if deployed.

Praise from PM

Australia’s newest Victoria Cross recipient is a humble family man who prefers to stay out of the spotlight, Prime Minister Julia Gillard says.

Ms Gillard spent some time with the family last week and saw that the war hero was a dedicated husband and father.

“Ben is actually a very humble man, reluctant to be the centre of so much fuss and attention,” she said.

“(He is) keen to also remind of the bravery of the mates that he fought alongside and also a man determined to keep his family in his protective and loving embrace.”

Ms Gillard said Cpl Roberts-Smith was one of the greatest living Australians.

“Exhibiting those characteristics: humility, mateship, love of family, Ben is clearly one of us,” she said.

“But Ben is also different from us … because he will always know as we know now that in the heat of battle he did not fail when mateship and duty called.

“And though it might have easily cost him his life he was fully prepared to give it.”

Happy Australia Day!

Aaaaaaand…

Happy 91st birthday Nanna!

x

(*story from perthnow.com)

Pretty cool huh?

Remember when I got to go to the Oprah Show with my friend Ruby?

I even have video to prove it

That’s me doing the Oprah Show Spaz Out Wave at the 3:27 mark

The day I went to the show

The audience received mittens

So, for her first show this year, when I found out she’s taking the ENTIRE audience on a trip to Australia

On a plane flown by John Travolta

Who I realise is totally a closeted gay man

But the tween in me (dressed up as Olivia Newton John) likes to live in denial

I wasn’t jealous at all

Huh, why would I be?

It’s not like I’m AUSTRALIAN or anything

It’s not like they’re going to my hometown Perth

Yeah, that’s right, they ARE going to Perth

On a direct flight – which Qantas never normally does

So you usually have to fly Chicago to LA to Sydney THEN to Perth

Where ALL my family lives

I don’t mean to come across all ungrateful n bratty n shit

But, fuck

Fuck

FUCK

At least I have my mittens to dry my bitter tears

Thanks for THAT Oprah

.

Sorry, were you eating?

.

Here’s the deal

It’s illegal in this country

And America

And the United Kingdom

Canada, Netherlands, Italy, New Zealand, Sweden

As it should fucking be

These are civilsed, Western countries

Where women are treated equally & with respect

But there are some people who think they should have the freedom to carry out this barbaric ritual in Australia

.

I understand in some countries female genital mutilation is acceptable

Part of the culture

And abides by people’s religious beliefs

Your country, your rules

.

But here’s the thing

This is Australia

Where, as much as it might offend you, it’s OK for women to keep their clitorises

And you know what else?

It’s OK for them to use them too

To touch them

To have them touched

And, here’s where I know it REALLY bothers you

Bring a woman PLEASURE

‘Cause you can twist it and word it all you like

Wrap it up in a big blanket called religion

But what it boils down to is a woman’s right for satisfaction

Pleasure, orgasm even

And that’s the crux of this debate

.

Your culture doesn’t believe that women are equal

Your culture treats them as second class citizens

And their right to sexual pleasure?

Forget about it

That’s reserved for men only

But you know what, I may not agree with it

In fact I can’t begin to tell you how fucked up I think your way of life is

The idea that this custom is carried out on little girls makes me sick to my stomach

As a woman, I find it wrong, repressive & completely repulsive

But that’s just my opinion

.

But you chose to come to Australia

A Western country

Why did you do that and insist on bringing your prehistoric & cruel ways with you?

If your country & culture is so vital to your existence

Then why did you choose to live here?

I have to believe that there was something good about Australia & it’s people that made you decide to be here

Then why not respect our laws?

Our culture

And yes, our women

.

You know, there’s a lot more I could write about this

And try to be reasonable

Present a thought out, well worded argument

But I think the five words that sum it up best

FIT IN OR FUCK OFF

And take your rusty fucking razor blades with you

Especially the Aussies reading this

She’s 16 years old

And has just spent 210 days at sea (in her pink boat)

Alone

Unaccompanied

Sailing solo around the world

Yeah, that’s right

She’s SIXTEEN!

They say it’s not a world record

As they don’t keep records for under 18s

To discourage nutjob parents from chucking their kids in a boat and saying, see ya!

In the hopes of fame & recognition and getting their kids taken away from them

I gotta say

Sailing doesn’t appeal to me

Sailing by myself would frighten me

Being on a boat for 210 days would scare the living shit out of me

In which case I would no doubt die of fright

Meaning, I would shit myself so bad

I would drown in it

How embarrassing

So yeah, no solo sailing efforts for this little land duck

But this kid Jessica

Un-bloody-believable

And she seems so together

One of the best quotes from her, that’s been repeated in most of the articles I’ve read is

If your parents give you the freedom for little adventures,  you can go on to have big adventures

I am completely ordinary. I just put a lot of effort in, had a great team around me and I think that goes to show you don’t have to be anyone special to achieve something big. You just have to want it

I say she’s anything but ordinary

There’s no way I would be that humble about such a major achievement

I’d be all hanging off the front of the boat screeching out the theme to the Titanic

Yelling, where my sailors at?

Can a bitch get her some SAILORS??

Then I’d totally release a calendar with all the sailors

And I’d….oh wait, where was I?

Ahem….oh yeah

This kid makes me proud to be an Aussie

While simultaneously making me nervous as a mum

I’m keeping mine away from water, just in case they get any crazy ideas

No more baths

They can consider it an early Christmas present

And Jessica?

AUSSIE! AUSSIE! AUSSIE!

You BLOODY beauty!!

I think the fact that she’s managed to put up with our family for over 20 years should make her eligible for some kind of saint hood award thingy is an achievement on it’s own

And she’s still kind of normal

emphasis on the KIND OF

So we went down to the marina by Mum & Dad’s place

It’s always so good to see my nephews

Search, Destroy & Leadbelly

The twins are 11 now

And Leadbelly will be 8 later this year

All 3 of them are nearly as tall as me

and have been since they were like, FIVE how scary is that?

They’re such good kids

And sat patiently while the adults talked bullshit & drank too much caught up

And when boredom set in

The good ol’ iPhones saved the day

The boys even overcame my gay blingy sparkly, girl phone covers

And created some fugly Poppy pics fun stuff

It’s always a big BOOOOOO saying goodbye to the boys

And goodbye to this

These sunsets are pretty special

Maybe one day soon Diamond & I will have our own speccy sunsets

And a bigger house so my nephews can come & stay with us whenever they want

For as long as they want

And I’ll never let them leave keep them forever

Some might call it kidnapping

I call it AUNTY-LOVE

It’s a public holiday for pretty much everyone

A great day to spend outside, weather permitting

Hanging out with family

Enjoying their free day

.

I hope that all of them take some time to remember why we have this day off

This ANZAC Day

And I hope everyone appreciates

The sacrifices given

The sacrifices that continue to be given

So that we have these freedoms

Many of us take our lifestyle

Our way of living

And our freedom for granted

Let’s make sure today is the one day we don’t

LEST WE FORGET

(my Pop in last year’s ANZAC day march)

Especially to get to visit places like Jabiru, where I haven’t been before

Dad is a walking encyclopedia on Australia, and reckons every Australian should get to this part of the country in their lifetime

And he’s right

The word spectacular is so overused and seemingly inappropriate

Until you come here

In the heart of the Kakadu National Park

A bit of info for you:

Kakadu has been home to Aboriginal people for more than 50,000 years, and during that time the land and their culture have become intertwined. Kakadu National Park is managed jointly by its Aboriginal traditional owners and the Director of National Parks.

Covering nearly 20,000 square kilometres, (7,700 miles) Kakadu is one of very few places World Heritage listed for both its cultural and its natural values. Its enduring natural values stem from its exceptional beauty and unique biodiversity, its variety of landforms, habitats and wildlife.

Kakadu is a living cultural landscape. Generations of Bininj/Mungguy have lived on and cared for this country for tens of thousands of years. Their spiritual connection with the land is globally recognised in Kakadu’s World Heritage listing, which honours one of the oldest living societies on earth. The natural and cultural heritage of Kakadu has also been identified as a key element of Australia’s great National Landscapes

Kakadu National Park is a timeless place – a landscape of exceptional beauty, great biodiversity and a wide variety of of landforms, habitats and wildlife. Kakadu is home to 68 mammals (almost one-fifth of Australia’s mammals), more than 120 reptiles, 26 frogs, more than 2,000 plants and over 10,000 species of insects.

And for the record, I think I’ve seen at least 7 species of the frogs so far

They’ve be hanging outside our hotel rooms

Much to Mum’s horror

She’s finally turned into an indoorsy girl

.

We have a great family friend who is a ranger out here, and he’s offered to give us a special tour of the area

Fishing, feeding the crocs, cruising around in a boat & taking in the mind blowing scenery

If you add booze to that, could it get any better?

We don’t have time on this tour, we’re traveling to a different gig every day

So I was talking to Diamond and the girls about Kakadu & how amazing it is

And said we should totally plan a family trip here one day

Once I told Diamond about the fishing and the booze he didn’t need much more convincing

And once I told the girls about where we’d get to sleep, they were sold

‘Cause the hotel we’ve stayed in on this tour is pretty awesome

When we checked in, it seemed to be a pretty nice looking place

From the inside, the rooms looked nice too

So there was really no indication that it was much different from some of our other accommodations

Until you get an arial view

(My helicopter’s in for repairs, so I had to borrow these images from google)

How cool is that?

We spent the night inside a crocodile!

My room was actually right in the belly

Once I told the girls about that, they squeeled so loud I muted the volume on skype for a minute got soooo excited

And I’m a dickhead, ‘cause now they’re already asking how many sleeps until they get to go sleep in the crocodile

Miss 6 wanted to know, ‘does the belly of the crocodile have actual replicas of crocodile intestines in there?’

And Miss 4 wanted to know, ‘does the cwocodial just poop us out when it’s time to leave?’

.

Man, I love those kids