Just finished the soundcheck for tonight’s show

We’d been told earlier, that this area of land

Has the HIGHEST population (per square km) of reptiles

Yes, SNAKES and lizards ‘n shit

But mainly SNAKES

SNAKES that bite

Scaley fuckers that can KILL you

SSSNAAKES!!

Where was I?

Oh yeah, so where I am, right now

And where I’m sleeping tonight

Is home to more fucking snakes than ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD

The fuck?

How come no one tells you this shit BEFORE you agree to the show

And then I see these dog-poo-picker-upper things each side of the stage

And assumed maybe they were for the dingo’s poo

‘Cause there’s bucket loads of those buggers out here too

But no, they’re there to pick up SNAKES

And put them in this

And no, I did NOT lift the lid to see if there was any in there

How could you even THINK that?

Gah, what is WRONG with you guys???

It’s like you WANT me to die.

Magoo had to fill in a book about herself at school today

She had to draw a picture to accompany each sentence about her senses

Like, a picture to show her favourite thing to smell

She drew Fluffy

Her favourite thing to see?

Fluffy again

Her favourite thing to touch?

Wait for it….yep….Fluffy

Are you sensing the pattern here?

So of course her favourite thing to hear but the one thing that does Diamond & my head in is Fluffy too

She finally drew something different when it was time to show what her favourite thing to taste was

Otherwise her class would think we ran a Chinese restaurant

Icecream

*Insert sigh of relief here*

Took the girls to the zoo yesterday

The weather was beautiful

And it wasn’t crowded at all

The perfect combo for a great day out

Last time I took the girls to Taronga

You may recall that Macaroni had a little run in with a fence and a giraffe

So this time, we decided to go into Koala enclosure instead

Way safer

Koalas sleep 20 hours a day, so I didn’t expect to get any super great photos

Wrong

They woke up as soon as we got in there

Soooo cute

The girls were loving it

Me, not so much

But only because one of them tried to kill me

Well, not ‘kill’ me per say

Just lunged at me so quickly I nearly shat myself

I mean technically, it wasn’t so much a ‘lunge’ as a twitch of it’s arm

But the intent was totally there

I know, I know – in the photo it just looks like it’s looking at me thinking I woke up for this shit?

But trust me – that little fucker was pure evil

I think he might have even had a knife

Killer Koala the Bad, BAD News Bear

I’m lucky I got out of there in one piece

Zoos are fucking dangerous y’all.

We had a family day at the Zoo yesterday

*insert related to animal joke here*

It was finally a warm day here

92 degrees! (33C)

We made sure we bought our hat and slathered on plenty of sunscreen

Well, some of us did

Somebody may have forgotten their hat and had to go into the giftshop and buy a new one for the price of a small car but it doesn’t matter because I someone looks totally banging in it

Macoroni took lots of notes, as she does

She proudly named all the Australian animals and birds before I could

Poppy has taught her well

While we were having lunch Magoo declared very loudly that she had “…NEVER SEEN SO MANY AFRICAN AMERICAN PEOPLE ANYWHERE…EVER!!”

And while we were trying to get the fuck out of the restaurant quietly leave, she spotted a woman with an Afro, with a comb stuck in it

And wanted to know “…is that stuck in her hair for her religion…you know…like those brown ladies wear towels on their heads and sheets for dresses?”

Next time, we’re getting her a muzzle

We spent most of our time in the monkey exhibit

Again, feel free to *insert related to animal joke here*

I could have watched them all day

They were lining up to clean each other and pick each others noses

It was thoroughly entertaining

It would be even better if someone could teach them to do this