I am that

But even with all the God-Jesus-church-amen and hallelujahs going on in this clip

I still love it

It made me smile

And without trying to sound all Oprah-y

It made my heart sing a wee bit

Don’t panic

I’ll be back to the dick jokes before you know it

read day one (part 1) here

read day one (part 2) here

read day two (part 1) here

read day two (part 2) here

read day two (part 3) here

read day three (part 1) here

The crowd wasn’t at capacity yet

But once Dad walked on stage

People came from all over

Out of the bars, restaurants – wherever they were

I don’t think they could quite believe that they were seeing Kevin Bloody Wilson

Live

IN JAPAN?

Dad got Dave Gleeson out for a quick duet

They did a rockin’ version of Islands In The Stream Rootin’ In The Back Of The Ute

The crowd loved it

But not half as much Dad & Dave did

Those two fell about as much in love as two hetrosexual boob loving boys can

Want to know how to keep the crowd busy whilst setting up in between bands?

Half naked Brazillian dancers

Wiggling their bits

And wobbling their womanhood all over the place

We shared a dressing room

And it was enough to drive a normal girl to drink

So I did

And yes, they REALLY were all *Brazillian* down tharr

I didn’t ride in this balloon ’cause I’m chicken shit

The line was long

And I was already in line for the schochu every 15 minutes

Priorities, peeps

The The Angels played a smoking set

With Dave Gleeson as their lead singer

Who, by the way,  completely kicks arse and brings new life to the band

Dude is a complete nutter on stage

I fucking loved it

Almost as much as Mum & Dad

Who were totally rocking out down the front, singing to “Am I Ever Gona See Your Face Again”

The Aussies reading would know their line, right?

NO WAY GET FUCKED, FUCK OFF!

But wait, there’s more…but not right now ’cause it’s 4am & I’ve got to help Diamond put up the Halloween decorations. As you do.

Sold out, amazing crowds

We also got to catch up with some great mates

You remember Tom?

If you’re not  familiar with his story

You can read about him here

Before his wife Kylie passed away

She had been promising to take her younger brother to one of our shows

But he had to wait until he turned 18

Kirrin, who looks so much like Kylie, turned 18 just before his big sister died

So he never got the chance to see a show with her

But Tom made sure his little brother-in-law didn’t miss out

The boys had special t-shirts (dedicated to Kylie) made up just for the night

Instead of coming with a big group of mates

They opted to just come to the show together

And brought along photos from every time we’d all caught up in the past

There were some laughs and a few tears

Dad and I made sure we did Kylie’s favourite songs in the show

‘Cause we know she was there somewhere

x

If you don’t, please CLICK HERE to read their story

Because it really is a beautiful story

A love story

About what love is really about

How even though it can be heartbreaking and cruel

True love is always unconditional

If you know Tom & Kylie, you know that’s the kind of love they have

Kylie had surgery recently

Initially she came out of it OK

But then she wasn’t

Kylie was taken off life support on Saturday March 26th

She was 25 years old

“…She was so very, very special
And was so from the start
You held her in your arms
But mainly in your heart

And like a single drop of rain
That on still waters fall,
Her life did ripples make
And touched the lives of all.”

Rest in peace beautiful girl.

x

I did

But I have no idea where it ended up and have never seen it

Shit like that will go down when you have 2 weddings in a week

On opposite sides of the globe

Rather than dwell on the sadness of no footage of me doing the conga while double fisting pints of Khalua

When I long for memories of my big day

I watch this video

And pretend that it’s really me & Diamond in this magical, fairy land

Oh the music!

The acting!

The sound effects!

The acting!

The location!

The acting!

The visual effects!

THE fucking ACTING!!

No matter what my REAL wedding video had on it

It could never compare to the fabulousity that these Russian newlyweds have come up with

Their imagination knows no bounds

Can you imagine their home made PORN?

How cute are they?

We saw them at Johannesburg airport

On one of our many stops there

As we flew to a different city (via Joburg)

16 flights in 13 days

But these little sweethearts made this day kinda awesome

They were dancing and singing up a storm

I could have watched them all day

I filmed them until my memory card was full

I couldn’t help but think how much my 2 girls would have loved to see them

These little girls, that were probably around the same age

Who lives couldn’t be more different

I bet they would have so much fun playing and dancing together

It made me so happy to stand there and watch them

But it also made me a little sad

Wondering what their lives were like

There smiles were dazzling

So bright

I wanted to take them home with me

But I’m pretty sure that that shit’s probably illegal

I couldn’t tell who the guy was behind them

The one playing the drum

Was he one of their Dad’s?

Was he their boss?

Their Fagan?

Their pimp?

He didn’t smile at all

So I waited ‘til he wasn‘t looking

And I gave them all my money

So did Dad

I hope they spent it on lollipops and unicorns

I love it

I think I’m always going to love it

No matter how long I’m in Chicago

I don’t know how to not sound cheesy when I say this

But it’s just beautiful

It makes everything that would otherwise look dead and lifeless

Look stunning

But enough about the snow

.

Look where I’m headed next week suckers!

So, while I love the snow blah, blah, blah-dy, blah

I’m more than happy for a bit of a change up

And the QUEENSLAND TOUR is going to provide the polar opposite weather to what we’re having here right now

But I think I can handle it

Even though home is where the heart is

I’ll be where it’s warm

While the kids are back here

Probably making snow angels if this weather continues

And I’ll miss them like I always do

And I might even miss Diamond a bit too

My own ‘special’ snow angel

.

.

(Diamond’s ACTUAL butt not used in this post – but I think they just might be his boots)

No biggy really

She’s already lost 2

Except both other times she lost a tooth

I was away

So I am determined to be here when this one falls out

I was worried that she was going to lose it last week while I was away

So I put supa-glue in her corn flakes

I was happy to see it still hanging there when I got back

Only it’s been ‘hanging in there’ for weeks now

I’m starting to worry it’ll still be there when I go back to work next month

So I’m trying to convince her to work on it for me

Her last 2 just fell out

She didn’t wobble them

Pull them

Nothing

That never happened when I was a kid

I remember playing with lose teeth forever

Yanking on them

Tying string around them and attaching it to a door handle

And then excitedly waiting to see what the tooth fairy would leave

Usually some money under my pillow

Diamond must have been drinking totally went to town with the whole ‘tooth fairy’ deal when Miss 6 lost her other teeth

Glitter on her pillow

A certificate from the tooth fairy

And $5 in a little silk pouch under her pillow

Hands up if you’re in touch with your ‘feminine side’?

Go Diamond

So, not to be outdone

When she loses this tooth

My plan was to dress up in a tutu

Fly through the window

With sparklers in my hand

Land on the end of her bed

With fairy makeup on (so she doesn’t recognise me)

And sing her the tooth fairy song

Which I totally need to finish writing

I’m nearly there

First it came loose

Then you finally lost your tooth

I’ve flown for days from the south

Thank Christ that bloody tooth came out

I was going to make the space

And just punch you in the face

But that’s not very nice

And I’ve already been to jail twice

Being someones bitch behind bars is scary

When you’re a sweet little tooth fairy

.

But then before school today

Miss 6 tells me that Sara from her school just lost a tooth

And the tooth fairy left her a Barbie Doll

How cool is that Mummy?

And WAY less work than the whole get drunk dress up – get a ladder – fly threw the window – break my fucking neck – sit on the end of the bed – scare the shit out of her – serenade her – clusterfuck that I had planned

So while Barbie might be a fake titted, plastic, slutty, bad role model

That bitch just saved this tooth fairy’s arse!

.

.

.

*UPDATE – it came out (at school) the next day. So technically, I STILL wasn’t there when it happened. Fuck.

For a couple of reasons

Biggest reason?

As a mum, it’s breaking my heart

And I don’t know if it makes me a bad person

But I can’t watch the news coverage anymore

You donate what you can

And what else do you do?

I’m not a doctor, or a nurse

I can’t go over there and help in anyway

So, watching the non-stop story unfolding makes me feel helpless

And I don’t want to cry every time I see another child dying, or in pain

.

But I’ve been reading about a French politician (click here to read the story)

Who has been mouthing off running around bitching about the US troops and aid workers in Haiti

That the US has just come over to ‘occupy’ the country for it’s own benifit

OK?

Listen, you Froggy Fucktard

Geographically, common sense dictates that the US would be the first to arrive

They have the experience, the manpower, the money

Not to mention the ‘give a shit’ factor to get the job done

How about you take your ignorant arsehole-ish thoughts and ask the Haitian people what THEY think?

The ones whose lives have been saved

Seriously, fuck off back to France

And let the rest of the world do their job

the RED CROSS website