Macaroni’s last basketball game tonight
Her coach couldn’t make it and had asked Diamond in advance if he could fill in for him
It’s pretty simple stuff
The kids are all young
And the coaches direct them when to dribble
Who to pass to
Where to stand
There’s no rough stuff
All very controlled and cute
With the emphasis on it being fun for the kids
There’s not a lot of skill involved
On the other team tonight was a ‘rambunctious’ little boy
And by rambunctious, I mean little shithead
He was running into all the kids
On BOTH teams
Snatching the ball out of everyone’s hands
Hitting
Generally setting an AWESOME example
For birth control
I was getting mightily pissed on the sidelines
After watching one kid after another get punched and pushed over
Now anyone that knows Diamond, knows he’s a hot head
And part Italian
Put those two together, and you understand why he’s not the regular coach
He’s knows himself too well – so he stays on the sidelines normally
With me
We always joke that if the girls want to play competitive sports when they’re older
Daddy will have to wait in the car
So imagine my surprise when Diamond didn’t say anything when the feral from the other team was going on his rampage
For 20 minutes he just bit his lip
And ignored it
Then when I thought that I would be the one to lose it
Diamond walked over to the little boy
And said quietly,
Buddy, just take it easy. We’re all hear to have fun – so you have to be a bit gentle with the other kids, OK?
The little kid nodded
Then proceeded to run over to his mother & grandmother – or maybe it was her sister
It was hard to tell when she obviously uses a cheese grater to exfoliate her face
And told them that the bad man had told him to stop playing so rough
And the Mum & Scarface the Grandmother told him to ignore the stupid man, and get out there and keep playing
Then they sat there and said what an arsehole the man, my HUSBAND, was
And that he should keep his mouth shut. Their boy watches the NBA and the Chicago Bulls play, and is only playing rough like the big boys do
And who does the stupid man think he is anyway?
That was about the time that I leaned over to them and said,
He’s the coach
And he’s my husband
Which is when they started talking in Polish
Which I don’t speak
But I’m pretty sure the look on someone’s face is universal when they call you a cunt
You were all very helpful
And were quick to let me know that the word was ‘CIPA’
Which is totally what Grandma called me
Which is why I told old hail-damage face to ‘go fuck herself’
Under my breath of course
My breath just happens to be pretty loud
I was quick to look around to see if anyone heard me
I tunred to the lady sitting behind me, to see if she had
She gave me two thumbs up
So yeah, she heard me
And yeah, she’s my new favourite
I was at my daughter’s basketball game, remember?
Which was being played at a church
So I was controlling myself
Too bad ol’ cottage-cheese-cheeks couldn’t do the same
She kept ranting and waving her arms around, gibbering
I think she was secretly totally jealous of my awesome Aussie wrinkly, pale skin & freckles
I was waiting for lightening to strike from above and kill the bitch
See, God?
It’s NOT always my fault, DUDE
