She likes most meat

Particularly hotdogs or bacon

About 2 weeks ago she asked me how (McDonald’s) chicken nuggets were made, so I told her. The truth.

(Click here to find out how)

It’s pretty gross, and I’m sure many makers of chicken nuggets use equally rank methods to make theirs too

Anyhoo

Magoo hasn’t eaten steak since she found out it comes from cows, and now, since the chicken nuggets conversation, has completely banned all meat from her plate

I explained that humans wouldn’t BE here if they didn’t eat meat. It’s how cavemen survived, circle of life and all that shit

Just because SHE didn’t want to eat it, doesn’t mean we’re not going to have a roast tonight other people can’t eat it

Saying she’s sensitive about animals and how they’re treated, is like saying the world *might* be overreacting a TAD about MIA’s middle finger

We don’t even say the words, ‘chicken nugget’ in case she bursts into tears

Show her a movie with people getting hit, beaten or blown up – she barely flinches

Show her a movie where people are remotely mean to an animal? She will lose her shit.

And if we somehow end up watching a movie that I didn’t vet well enough, and an animal DIES in it? Consider her in our bed for the rest of the week. With nightmares.

She will tell you that she loves Fluffy more than anything – her Mum, Dad and sister will never come before the dog

She said she’d like to grow a vegetable garden, but wasn’t sure how to grow eggs. I told her she’d need chickens for that.

She said, Fluffy might chase the chickens

I said he’d do worse than chase them. She cried.

Circle of life, I said

Some days I suck at this parenting

She said she wants to be President and ban everyone from eating meat or hurting animals

I told her that would make millions of people unemployed

She said they could get a job in a pet shelter

I’m going to open my OWN pet shelter when I’m old enough. And ALL the animals can come and live with me. I’ll have dogs, horses, hamsters, cats….everything!

I’m like, what about when I’m old and want to come and live with you? I fucking hate cats.

Oh well Mama, circle of life.

We’re trying to cram in as much fun stuff as we can before then

I told them today was their choice

Whatever they wanted to do

They chose rock climbing

The fuck?

It’s like I’m the ONLY person in this family that loves the shit out of knows how to shop and take naps

Magoo’s BF: You know that Santa’s not real, right?

Magoo: Duh, it’s 4 days until Christmas. The REAL Santa is busy in the North Pole.
Wrapping my hamster.

I know some people are like, ugh…school holidays…bastard-damn-shit.

Not me

I miss them when they’re at school – so having them around every day makes my heart smile

Diamond & I are headed off to parent teacher conferences today

Macaroni & Magoo have both been doing amazing, so it will be nothing like the parent/teacher conferences MY parents had to endure

“….Mr & Mrs Wilson…your daughter…well..umm…where do we start?”

And the shit just went downhill from there

The only worry Diamond & I have is that WE don’t fuck it up for our kids

I’ll be on my BEST behaviour

Yep, sober AND wearing a bra

While I miss THEM, they couldn’t give a rat’s the girls miss EACH OTHER big time,  when they’re at school

They’ve been up since 5:30am because they’ve yet to realise that Mummy is nocturnal which is the time they get up every day, no matter what

So far today it’s been all about imagine-y type games. Most of those involve taking every toy they own, into another room, and rearranging shit. Now that they’re big enough to clean it up (with a little help from me) I’m like, go for it. Have fun…
P-L-A-Y! It’s better than watching TV or playing on a computer

Today’s game is called pop stars

Now keep in mind that they think Poppy & I are pop singers. They reckon that we are both like Miley Cyrus – but when we’re at work, we’re Hannnah Montanna

For adults

The fuck..?….okee-dokee then

They’ve yet to hear ANY of my stuff

I let them listen to some of the pop stuff on the radio – but they wouldn’t know what any of the singers look like

So imagine my surprise when Macaroni dressed Magoo as the pop star today

And called her BRITNEY TALIA

Considering they wouldn’t know a pop star if they fell over one

The accuracy is uncanny

And I have called his cell at least 20 times since then

Just to fuck with him check that it’s working

To add to his Bieber-fever – I just downloaded the new Justin Bieber Christmas album

I’ve been playing it, on repeat, for the last 2 hours

Loud

Macaroni and Magoo are stoked, and a running around saying, “…Mummy’s the greatest!”

Three guesses what Diamond is running around saying..

Whatever you call it, 11-11-11 is a great day to remember those who have served for your country

Macaroni & Magoo’s school held a fantastic assembly to honor the day

The kids sang patriotic songs, waved flags, read essays they’d written about what a veteran means to them

And whether they knew it or not, were learning to respect the people that have, and continue sacrifice for their freedoms

Diamond’s Dad, who served in Vietnam, came with us. He doesn’t say much about his time there, but I could see the pride on his face as he watched his granddaughters and all their little friends show their pride for their country and it’s veterans

The girls, in turn, were beyond chuffed to have their very own veteran to honour

I can’t tell you how wonderful I think it is  that ceremonies like this take place all over the world

So many kids at the school have family members currently serving overseas. I got more than teared up seeing those kids, wearing hats from their family member’s branch of the military, proudly march through the gym carrying flags

They even had a bagpiper play Amazing Grace. And that was the end of me

Magoo got to say the pledge of Allegiance, which she nailed. If you don’t count that it sounded more like the Pwedge of Awegiance

But my favourite part, was actually one of the veterans who assisted in the flag folding. After explaining to the kids about the significance of the flag & how it’s folded (read about it here)

He told everyone that he was at the Lincoln National Cemetery yesterday, and he folded a flag to present to a family of fallen soldier.

He presented 11 flags, at 11 soldier’s funerals yesterday. You could feel his sadness as he told the room this

Then, as the kids walked back to their classrooms, they thanked the veterans and exchanged high fives. These children may not totally ‘get it’ yet. But thanks to days like this, they will. And they should

It was beautiful to see that same sad veteran, end his morning with a big grin on his face

Lest we forget.

It’s pretty cool

The battery doesn’t seem to last as long as it did in my old one

But that is more than made up for by the new phone having SIRI

Ah Siri

Here’s how she is ‘officially’ described

Siri on iPhone 4S lets you use your voice to send messages, schedule meetings, place phone calls, and more. Ask Siri to do things just by talking the way you talk. Siri understands what you say, knows what you mean, and even talks back. Siri is so easy to use and does so much, you’ll keep finding more and more ways to use it.

Firstly, let me say that I was excited to have a voice recognition gadget that I didn’t have to fake an American accent for. Hello EVERY company’s automated phone directory that never fucking understand me

Of course, it didn’t take me long to start fucking with Siri

Asking her all sorts of personal shit

Actually Magoo was the first

Asking Siri what her favourite colour was

And I was like…..ooooh…this could be F-U-N!

Diamond wanted to know, why DID the chicken cross the road?

Well played Siri

Macaroni wanted in too

She asked Siri if she knew any good jokes

Ha,  apparently Siri’s got a sense of humour

But when I wanted Siri to answer MY questions….

Siri, do you think I’m funny?

What? You answered everyone else’s questions

OK, what about…where do you live Siri?

Nice….vague….but nice

What do you look like

Um, yeah….it kinda does. I don’t want to be the one person with the ‘ugly’ Siri on their phone

I think you might have a bit of bitch in you Siri

And PMS too apparently

Do you think I should dye my hair dark again Siri?

Work? This is very important Siri. This is the kind of shit I need ANSWERS to girlfriend

Gah…now you made me go and google arbitrary. I think if you’re going to use words I don’t understand, like exercise or low fat, or arbitrary – you should give me the definition too

Are you fucking with me Siri?

You ARE fucking with me!

Aren’t you supposed to be NICE to me? And HELP me? ‘Cause right now, all you’re doing is my head in

I don’t know why they called you Siri. They should have called you Nasty, or Bitchy

Or Cunt.

When I was about 4 minutes pregnant

Before I exploded into a pile of hemorrhoids and stretch marks

Yeah,  I was one of those ‘lovely’ looking up the duff sheilas towards the end

8 years ago today, Diamond I became parents

Happy Birthday Macaroni

* will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry * will not cry *

We’re ready for our day off today

I’m thinking of heading to the biggest shopping centre I can find

And get a start on my Christmas shopping

Believe it or not, I’m normally DONE with my Chrissy shopping by this time of year

But I have saved Diamond some time

‘Cause I already know what I want for Christmas

I met him yesterday

He’s my cousin’s beautiful 8 month old baby boy

His big sister is Dad’s newest best friend too

Which is no surprise considering he paid her in ice-cream

So all I need to do is find a shop that sells ones just like this

That don’t come with a sore vajay-jay, stretch marks or sleepless nights

But be warned

If I find a shop like that

I’m probably going to walk out with a matching set

I didn’t stop bragging about the fabulous weather

And saying how, even though it was winter

The weather was so fab

I was expecting more of the same this time

Yeah…umm..that hasn’t been the case so far

We’ve stepped into a Sydney winter

That so far, has had the highest rainfall in in years

Sydney has experienced its wettest July since 1950 as parts of NSW are declared natural disaster zones

But we’re all good

Except my hair

I’m having a bad hair week

Normal people have bad hair days when the weather’s hot and humid

I used to laugh about that

So karma is being handed to me on a big ol’ ‘fuck you’ platter

In the form of frizzy, yellow, hooker hair

Go, me!

Anyhoo

The sun’s expected to show it’s face again by Sunday

So for now, we’re enjoying it

We tried walking around in it today

But it was pretty torrential out there

Umbrellas were proven useless after about 5 minutes

And we all got saturated

Dad picked today to take the girls for a walk to the beach

Because….well…that’s what he DOES

The girls loved it though

Poppy time is always the best they reckon

Rain, hail, shine

Or flash flood