two minute memories

Magoo loves many, many things in this world

But nothing comes before her animals and two minute noodles

While she gets unlimited time with her pets
We’re a bit more strict on the two minute noodles
She gets those almost never
Being that they are about as nutritious as a maxi pad
Even though they are yum
I loved them as a kid too
The noodles that is
Never actually tasted a maxi pad

So, even though I’m pretty sure this is a load of crapola
I showed it to her
Because I like to see her cry am an arsehole599065_211403598992640_1420870395_n

 

I’m not joking when I say she had the sads for hours
Even when I said, look, it’s probably not true and you can still have them sometimes

And she was like, “and eat the cancer?!?”

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If she’s this dramatic at 8
The teenage her is going to be oh-my-God-fuck-that-I-can’t-even-think-about-it

PS – I keep all her texts. Imma make a funny-as-shit book out of them and sell them to pay for college.
Or therapy.
Probably mostly therapy.

 

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snow business

Snow day!
Actually, it’s more like a power outrage day
We had a wee snow storm last night that left Macaroni’s school in a black out
So they cancelled school for the day
Trying to send Magoo to her school (that doesn’t have a power outrage) when Macaroni had the day off?
My will is not that strong
So both kids are home
And there’s snow ev-ah-ree-where
So….SNOW DAY!

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As I stumbled downstairs this morning to make lunches, the phone was ringing
It was the call about Macaroni’s school being closed
It took me a millisecond to decide that Magoo could stay home too
And the happy dancing began
Me, because bonus time in my PJs is never a bad thing
And the girls because no school = friends coming over = THE BEST DAY EVAAAHHHH MUM!!!

We’re all currently in my office and Ipadded, Imacced, or Iphoned up
Steve Jobs would be proud
(I’ll post a pic of my office one day when it’s not so messy….so probably never)

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I had to remind Magoo to use her foot spray before she entered
Before her, I thought the only people who had feet that smelt like curdled goat’s cheese were me and my Dad
Turns out you can pass down cool traits like that to your eight year old
So, part of my morning ritual of telling her to ‘brush your teeth’ and ‘eat your breakfast’ now includes …‘spray yo feet child!’

Quite like sitting around the dinner table with your kids at night
Sitting around my desk is often the place where we have serious family discussions
The kind that just happen organically.
Ha, I just used the wanky term ‘organically’. I hate myself right now
If you have kids, you know how it is when you ask them anything
How was your day?
Good
Much homework?
Nope
Was your lunch OK?
Yeah
At least that’s how it feels sometimes around here

So actual conversations with humans I birthed is always welcome

This morning’s…

Macaroni: What’s a douche?
Me: An idiot
Macaroni: Can I call someone that or is it a really bad word?
Me: Best to use that one under your breath, just in case
Magoo: I like it. Douche, douche….. DOUCHE!

Then Diamond walked in
Why are you yelling douche?

Me: Because the girls wanted to know what it meant
Diamond: What did you tell them?
Me: That it meant idiot
Diamond: What about the other definition?
Me: Huh?
Diamond: The flushing thing?
M&M: WHAT FLUSHING THING?!?!

I gave Diamond the look
The one that says, really? REALLY?? You want to have a conversation about vajay-jay cleaning with your girls right now because that’s what you’ve just started buddy
It should be noted that he also wouldn’t let (a very pregnant) me get away with telling a then 2 year old Macaroni that her sister was going to come out of my belly button. I had to tell her the truth. She cried and ran around holding her crotch for the rest of the day.
Sometimes excluding all the facts is good
And it’s not the same as lying
It’s called parenting.

Macaroni: What’s the douche that’s a flushing thing Dad?
Diamond: (suddenly all uncomfortable and without the ability to make eye contact) It’s a toilet kinda thing that mainly ladies use to wash their…ahh…private parts
Macaroni: Why?
Diamond: Because they want to
Macaroni: WHY?
Diamond: Like for hygiene I guess, so it doesn’t smell

Magoo: SO NOW I HAVE TO GET A SPRAY FOR MY PEE PEE TOO!?!?

 

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out of the mouths of babes…

All the kids at Magoo’s school had to write a short essay
Telling their teacher what Veteran’s Day (Remembrance Day) means to them

Magoo’s essay was chosen to be read out in front of the school for their Veterans Day assembly
She was happy hers was chosen, but NOT so happy she had to stand up in front of her entire school (with the Mayor) to read hers out. Turns out her love of performing is limited to our living room
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Nerves aside, she nailed it

One reason I am thankful for veterans is because
They are Americans*
Veterans fight for what is right
Every day a veteran dies for us
And I would give anything so they know
How much I appreciate them
They are my heroes
Thanks to them I am safe

 

We will remember…

 

*She knows that their are veterans all over the world, from every country, including her Grandfather in America and her Great Poppy in Australia.