family holiday activity #324

The girls are just over three weeks into their summer school holidays
Nine weeks to go!
I know a lot of parents hate school holidays – but (so far) I love ’em
We all wrote a list of some of the things we wanted to do over the summer
And we”re ticking them off one by one
Family bike ride, baseball game, movies, water park, downtown, museum
Diamond’s list is all outdoorsy, exercise-y activities
Macaroni’s usually involve a museum, library or swimming
Magoo’s list is all about puppies, the zoo or dancing
Mine’s pretty simple. If I don’t have to leave the house or wear pants – I’m happy
The kids aren’t interested in me teaching them guitar, or how to make knock-you-on-your-arse margaritas
So I found something way more educational and morally awesome

I taught them how to be a pool shark and lose their pocket money gambling.

dick pic, june 26, twenty twelve

As someone who swears for a living – I like to think that I know ‘how’ to cuss. It’s hereditary.
More importantly, I reckon I know WHEN to do it
Like, NOT in front of my kids if I can help it
And not in front of people who it may offend
Luckily, my mates couldn’t give a toss – allowing me shitloads of freedom to say whatever the fuck I want
So when I take my kids to their first ever baseball game
I’m not a fan of having to sit behind some wank-stain with this sticker on his back

Next to his girlfriend with ‘FUCK THIS SHIT” written on the front of her cap
Full disclosure: it was Mullet Night at the game, raising money for charity
But I don’t think at a family venue, you need to add the language to your outfit
You can just be a redneck, without having to be a FUCKING redneck, you know?

Call me a prude, whatevs.
Time and place. Time and place.

So, of course Magoo picks that moment to share her newly found reading skills,  and starts saying, “…don’t be a dick….don’t be a dick”
Then, “…Mum, what’s a dick?”
I told her, “…see the man with the sign on his back? THAT, is a dick”
She’s like, “…ewww, I don’t ever want to be a dick and look like that”

Followed by Macaroni, with the quote of the night

“…tell that to Miley Cyrus’ Dad”

runaway groom…..and…..go!

OK, you guys need to watch this and let me know your thoughts

‘Cause when I suffered though it watched it – two things popped up in my head

First, was gawd…can someone shut her up?

And second, Hey Narcissistic Nancy….there’s a REASON that church is half-empty.