this week’s dear jenny

Dear Jenny

My husband and I have five daughters. He wants to keep trying for a boy. I don’t. Five kids is exhausting, and my husband works long hours (to pay for 5 children) It’s so demanding and full on in this house 24/7 I don’t even think we could find the time to ‘make’ another baby. Plus there’s no guarantee that it would even be a boy. How do I tell my husband I can’t do it? Thanks Jenny


Dear Yvonne

You have 5 kids you say?

And your husband wants more?

Here’s what you say to him…

“You and your sperm need to leave me the FUCK alone buddy”

Tell him to squirt his swimmers somewhere else for a change

Like in a tissue

Or maybe a hooker?

It’s very effective to make this stance while holding a sharp knife or scissors

Good Lord woman, how do you handle 5 kids?

I have 2 and I’m a disorganised mess half the time

The other half I’m drunk, and don’t notice the mess

How do you even give BIRTH to five kids?

In fairness, I reckon after the 3rd, they probably starting walking out, yeah?

Anyhoo… you make it crystal clear to that baby making machine that you’re married to, that 5 kids is E-NOUGH!

Why does he want a boy so badly?

Girls can do all the stuff boys can these days

Football, cricket, rugby – all the ‘guy’ stuff

So what if he has to sit down to piss in his own house?

Besides, with 5 girls

The odds are good you’ve got at least one lesbian in the bunch

wittle toowa

Mummy’s ‘Wittle Toowa’

Is what Magoo calls my “Little Tour”

For some solo shows that start in the UK next week

It doesn’t get much more ‘WITTLE-ER” than 4 shows

But I am excited peeps!

So for any and all of my Pommy mates that will be around

And can make it to a show

Here’s the info:

Tuesday, Oct 5th, 2010 WREXHAM (Wales) For tickets call: 01978 662266 or 07720077306 The Clubhouse

Thursday, Oct 7th, 2010 LONDON For tickets call: 0208 743 2006 *this is a free show* (they’re paying me in meat pies & beer!) The Walkabout (Shepherds Bush)

Friday, Oct 8th, 2010 NORTHAMPTON For ticket info call: 07976 328235 Horton House Sports Club

Saturday, Oct 9th, 2010 NORTHAMPTON For ticket info call: 07976 328235 Horton House Sports Club

If you are coming and have a request

Let me know

I’m only taking request for songs though guys, OK?

Requests to make my awesome homemade chilli or wear a nurses uniform are restricted to my husband

For now

interweb buds

The internet is a powerful tool

It’s power can be used for good and bad

Good – Twitter, Facebook , My website

Bad – everything else

Because really, what else is the internet for but Twitter & Facebook?

I like to think I take advantage of the good it has to offer

And not just the porn like Diamond

The sense of community it can provide is pretty cool

Most of the people I meet over the web I’ll probably never get to meet face to face

Sometimes I think that’s a GOOD thing

‘Cause there are some crazy fuckers out there

But there’s others that have become part of my web-fam that I would love to hang out with, given the opportunity

One of those peeps is Curvy Jane

Or Miss Jane as I like to refer to her

Taken from one of my favourite TV shows as a kid

Mr Squiggle

His helper/off sider was Miss Jane

Miss Jane is a music fan and songwriter

All ‘round funny bugger

And the best cheerleader a girl could have

Bad day?

Good day?

New song?

Funny or not so funny blog?

Miss Jane has always got something nice to say

And it’s pretty much always full of the witty & funny shit she writes so well

She’s an American living in Australia

I’m an Australian living in America

She’s as appropriate as I am inappropriate

She made me some AMAZEBALLS jewelry out of guitar picks

And knowing I’m not good at sharing

She made some for everybody




My girls

And even Diamond!

She’s done a shit hot job

So well crafted & thought out

I arrived home from a tour to a whole banging bag full of these awesome necklaces

How cool is that?

One of these days I’m going to hang out with Miss Jane

My internet bud

She sent me these for no other reason than she wanted to

And thought they would make me happy

She was right


You can find Miss Jane’s groovy creations through her facebook page: JUST CLICK HERE