Rule number 327:

Don’t fuck with the old ladies

Should have just run the bitch over

*Thanks to my mate Bush Babe for the heads up about this one (via twitter)

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This is so awesome

I totally wish I came up with this myself

Or should I say CUMMED up?

I give you

Yep, you read right

It’s a CUM COOKBOOK

I fucking LOVE this

Now I’m not going to be making any of the recipes or anything

But I’d buy it just to have a good laugh

The blurb on the website says

Natural Harvest – A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes explores the culinary value of semen through beautiful photographs and delectable recipes.

It’s the perfect holiday gift for that special cook in your life

Oh really?

I suppose, nothing says I LOVE YOU GRANDMA

Like a book showing her how to make her own CUMQUAT CAKES

With a side of JIZZ JUICE

But what if you’re not married?

Or you don’t have a partner?

What about lesbians? Most gay women I know would touch a penis if you paid ‘em

So there’s no way they’d be lining up to taste some strangers SALTY TINGED CREAM BROULE

Is there somewhere for the penis-less chefs to get their ingredients?

100% organic orgasmic of course

You don’t have to worry about me though

If I ever did decide the whip up one of these delightful semen snacks

I have my own personal supply right here at home

Don’t I Diamond?

Hey, now there’s an idea!

I could rent Diamond out to all the single lady chefs

He’s got enough supply in his balls storage facilities there to feed the navy an army

This is going to be so cool

I love a new business venture

Wooo hooooo, I’m totally headed to Ebay to see how much a second hand ice cream truck sells for

Can’t believe I almost cried

Over an ad about seatbelts

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What?

I said ALMOST

I think one of the most important things to remember when getting a tattoo

Is to make sure the guy doing it, is good at his job

And has great attention to detail

I mean, breast implants for your tattoo

Like, who totally wouldn’t want that?

But hang on, what’s that right there

Yeah, that

Dude TOTALLY forgot to shave her mutt

Refund!