you’d better watch out

A box arrived this week

Since I did 99% of my Christmas shopping on the net

We have had boxes coming out the wazoo since the beginning of November

But this one was different

It was covered in stamps from all over the world

And had another box inside it

I was thinking that I’d never had any of my sex toys things arrive looking so nice before

So we opened it

And there was ANOTHER box

Saving the trees my arse

But it sure looked purdy!

So we open up THAT box

And there was a book

WTF is ELF ON THE SHELF I hear you ask

I was thinking the same thing myself

Until Miss 6 read the book to me

In summary:

ELF ON THE SHELF is an elf doll that comes to your house at Christmastime, every year. You place him on the shelf, and he watches the kids, taking note of how they behave. Every night, he flies back to the North Pole and reports to Santa. In the morning, you will find him somewhere else in your house unless mummy gets drunk and forgets to move him The kids wake up and have to look for him. They can’t touch him, or his magic will disappear. They can talk to him though – but he doesn’t talk back


Sounded like a shit hot idea to me

The girls now not only had Santa watching

But one of his elves was keeping an eye on them too


They decided to call him Stampy

My suggestion of creepy-stalker-elf was rejected

So we placed him on the mantle the first night

And when we woke up, he was in the Christmas tree

We put him back up on the mantle – with gloves on, at Miss 6’s insistence hello anal retentive!

The next day he was in the laundry room on the ironing board

It took ages to find him ’cause I never go in there

But there was still a pile of dirty washing in there too

Where’s the magic in THAT creepy-stalker-elf Stampy?


But he’s kinda cool

The girls are fascinated by him

He’s freaking me out a little

Dude never blinks

Diamond thinks I’m being paranoid a fruitloop

Can’t wait to see who’s the fruitloop in the morning

When Diamond wakes up with Stampy

Peeking out the top of his pajama pants

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