We just had brekky at a Little Chef restaurant on the way to Basildon

After we’d sat down and ordered, 3 blokes walked in and sat at a booth right by us

An old sleezy looking git with 2 younger dudes

The old guy looked me up and down and gave me a little nod

Like he approved of me

Oh yes he did!

I wasn’t aware that the fucktards came out this early to play

So then he starts trying to flag down a waitress

They’re all ignoring him taking orders from other customers

Then he whistles at the waitress that had taken our order

And yells

Hey you!

Don’t just keep walking – get over here

I’m a customer – where’s my customer service?

This guy was turning more arsehole-ish every time he opened his mouth

The waitress, totally intimidated by him, turned to tell him she was serving someone else

He says

This is not good enough

I’ve been waiting

All of 60 seconds arsewipe!

Where’s the manager? Give me a pen, I’m writing a letter to your regional office blah, blah, blah

He went on and on

Eventually I tuned him out and went back to eating my food

But he didn’t shut up

As we were leaving, we went up to the staff to let them know that we thought the old fucker was a wanker thank them

And I noticed that the waitress was crying

That fuckwit had given her SUCH a hard time, he’d made her cry


And he was sitting there smiling

He thought he was such a hero

When he got up to go to the toilet, he walked past me

And I SOOO wanted to kick him in the nuts

But he was about 2 foot taller than me violence is NEVER the answer


So I walked over to his table

And was going to spit in his tea

But that’s just gross

So I put one of my birth control pills in it instead


And not to be outdone

Dad wrote “CUNT” on his car with my lipstick


Very immature I know

But shit it felt good!


  1. I hope the chef had his moment too…before the wanker was served…”Toilet Rim Rubbed Marinade with your Snot Sauce Sir Wank-alot”? (Obviously, I saw THAT 60 Minutes…)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *