Tour Dates
  • Saturday, Jul 31st, 2010 in Jenny Talia in CAIRNS at Brothers Leagues Club
  • Sunday, Aug 1st, 2010 in Jenny Talia in CAIRNS at Brothers Leagues Club
  • Tuesday, Aug 3rd, 2010 in Jenny Talia in MOUNT ISA at Overlander Hotel
  • Wednesday, Aug 4th, 2010 in Jenny Talia in MOUNT ISA at Overlander Hotel
  • Wednesday, Aug 25th, 2010 in Jenny Talia in DURBAN at Playhouse Theatre
  • Thursday, Aug 26th, 2010 in Jenny Talia in CAPE TOWN at Grand Arena – Grand West Casino
  • Friday, Aug 27th, 2010 in Jenny Talia in JOHANNESBURG at Big Top Arena – Carnival City Casino
  • Saturday, Aug 28th, 2010 in Jenny Talia in JOHANNESBURG at Big Top Arena – Carnival City Casino
  • Sunday, Aug 29th, 2010 in Jenny Talia in EAST LONDON at Numbers Dance Club
  • Tuesday, Aug 31st, 2010 in Jenny Talia in PORT ELIZABETH at Opera House
  • Wednesday, Sep 1st, 2010 in Jenny Talia in NELSPRUIT at Emnotweni Arena
  • Friday, Sep 3rd, 2010 in Jenny Talia in PIETERMARITZBURG at Royal Showgrounds
  • Thursday, Oct 28th, 2010 - Sunday, Nov 21st, 2010 in Jenny Talia in REGIONAL NSW 21 October – 21 November at Venues TBA
  • Thursday, Dec 2nd, 2010 in Jenny Talia in PERTH at PIG ‘N’ WHISTLE
  • Friday, Dec 3rd, 2010 in Jenny Talia in GERALDTON at Freemason’s Hotel
  • Saturday, Dec 4th, 2010 in Jenny Talia in MANDURAH at Mandurah Performing Arts Centre
  • Sunday, Dec 5th, 2010 in Jenny Talia in BUNBURY at Bunbury Entertainment Centre
  • Tuesday, Dec 7th, 2010 in Jenny Talia in ESPERANCE at Pier Hotel
  • Wednesday, Dec 8th, 2010 in Jenny Talia in ALBANY at Premier Hotel
  • Thursday, Dec 9th, 2010 in Jenny Talia in ALBANY at Premier Hotel
  • Saturday, Dec 11th, 2010 in Jenny Talia in PERTH at Burswood Casino
  • Sunday, Dec 12th, 2010 in Jenny Talia in MANDURAH **SOLO JENNY SHOW** at RAAFA Estate, Meadow Springs
  • view more details »
  • view past shows »
 
 
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Archive for October, 2009

best disguise

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

I reckon when these 2 guys were getting ready to rob a house

They went through the burglar’s checklist

  1. flashlight
  2. crow bar
  3. black clothing
  4. bag for all the loot
  5. balaclava

And had no clue what number 5 was, but were pretty sure it was some kind of Italian desert

Then they realised that the list didn’t say anything about a mask, or something to hide their faces

So they improvised

With a black marker

And here I was thinking that we’d end the week without a winner

For BIGGEST FUCKTARD!

spreading the culture

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

After nearly 10 years being based in the U.S

I still get asked daily where I’m from

And it totally doesn’t bother me

Really, it doesn’t

I like telling people I’m from Australia

And I’ve never had anything but nice things said back to me

I’ve always wanted to go there

Is that a long flight?

I hear it’s beautiful there

The people are supposed to be the happiest in the world there

I have an (insert family member) that lives there

You get the idea

People are interested

I feel lucky to come from a country that has such a positive reputation, wherever I go

.

I was 18 the first time I ever visited the States, and I remember people’s questions were different back then

Do you know Crocodile Dundee?

Is Crocodile Dundee a real person?

Where does Crocodile Dundee live?

You get the idea

The Crocodile Dundee movie was some people’s only idea of Australia and Australians years ago

That’s changed a lot over the years

Travel has changed, and a lot more people have been to Australia

Australia is more known to the rest of the world now

You can always Aussie content on TV here now

Aussie sport

And there’s a bazilloin Aussie actors working over here now

In movies & TV

Nicole Kidman, Russell Crow, Naomi Watts, Rachel Griffiths, Simon Baker and so many more that I can’t think of

There’s Aussies kicking goals in the music industry too

Keith Urban, Jet, The Veronicas

One day, when I pull my finger out the touring slows down, I’d like to do more shows over here

Let them know what a REAL Aussie sheila is like

The only Australian comedian I can think of that’s done well here is Dame Edna

She’s pretty popular

So it’s good knowing that in America at least, Australians are doing well, and our country is known for more than Crocodile Dundee these days

I will continue my (self appointed) role of cultural ambassador

It’s fun

Today’s example – a conversation with Miss 6’s school Principal when I dropped her off this morning

Principal: I just love your accent

Is it Australian?

Now days people nearly always guess my accent correctly. They used to always think I was English or Irish

Me: Yep, I’m Australian

Principal: How exciting!

Do you know the Crocodile Hunter?

Oh fuck, here we go again

Me: Do you mean Crocodile Dundee?

Principal: No, I mean the Crocodile Hunter

Steve Irwin

Me: Know him?

He’s my brother!

She cocks her head to the side and gives me this are you fucking nuts sad look

Principal: I’m so sorry for your loss

Me: Umm….yeah, well…..thanks

I walked off thinking she was a nutjob wondering what she was on about

Then I remembered

And felt like a total arsehole

.

.

I thought I was being funny

And I’d totally forgotten that the dude was dead

.

Ahh fuck

Maybe it’s time to get a new ambassador

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