best disguise

I reckon when these 2 guys were getting ready to rob a house

They went through the burglar’s checklist

  1. flashlight
  2. crow bar
  3. black clothing
  4. bag for all the loot
  5. balaclava

And had no clue what number 5 was, but were pretty sure it was some kind of Italian desert

Then they realised that the list didn’t say anything about a mask, or something to hide their faces

So they improvised

With a black marker

And here I was thinking that we’d end the week without a winner

For BIGGEST FUCKTARD!

spreading the culture

After nearly 10 years being based in the U.S

I still get asked daily where I’m from

And it totally doesn’t bother me

Really, it doesn’t

I like telling people I’m from Australia

And I’ve never had anything but nice things said back to me

I’ve always wanted to go there

Is that a long flight?

I hear it’s beautiful there

The people are supposed to be the happiest in the world there

I have an (insert family member) that lives there

You get the idea

People are interested

I feel lucky to come from a country that has such a positive reputation, wherever I go

.

I was 18 the first time I ever visited the States, and I remember people’s questions were different back then

Do you know Crocodile Dundee?

Is Crocodile Dundee a real person?

Where does Crocodile Dundee live?

You get the idea

The Crocodile Dundee movie was some people’s only idea of Australia and Australians years ago

That’s changed a lot over the years

Travel has changed, and a lot more people have been to Australia

Australia is more known to the rest of the world now

You can always Aussie content on TV here now

Aussie sport

And there’s a bazilloin Aussie actors working over here now

In movies & TV

Nicole Kidman, Russell Crow, Naomi Watts, Rachel Griffiths, Simon Baker and so many more that I can’t think of

There’s Aussies kicking goals in the music industry too

Keith Urban, Jet, The Veronicas

One day, when I pull my finger out the touring slows down, I’d like to do more shows over here

Let them know what a REAL Aussie sheila is like

The only Australian comedian I can think of that’s done well here is Dame Edna

She’s pretty popular

So it’s good knowing that in America at least, Australians are doing well, and our country is known for more than Crocodile Dundee these days

I will continue my (self appointed) role of cultural ambassador

It’s fun

Today’s example – a conversation with Miss 6’s school Principal when I dropped her off this morning

Principal: I just love your accent

Is it Australian?

Now days people nearly always guess my accent correctly. They used to always think I was English or Irish

Me: Yep, I’m Australian

Principal: How exciting!

Do you know the Crocodile Hunter?

Oh fuck, here we go again

Me: Do you mean Crocodile Dundee?

Principal: No, I mean the Crocodile Hunter

Steve Irwin

Me: Know him?

He’s my brother!

She cocks her head to the side and gives me this are you fucking nuts sad look

Principal: I’m so sorry for your loss

Me: Umm….yeah, well…..thanks

I walked off thinking she was a nutjob wondering what she was on about

Then I remembered

And felt like a total arsehole

.

.

I thought I was being funny

And I’d totally forgotten that the dude was dead

.

Ahh fuck

Maybe it’s time to get a new ambassador

pretty incredible

So, there’ll be no jokes or smart arse comments in this one

I know, that’s 2 blogs in a row

I’ll be back to my bitchy, sarcastic best soon

Promise

Until then

Check this guy out

His name is Nick Vujicic

He was born with no arms or legs

And he’s achieved more in his life than most people could dream of

When I first sstarting watching a video someone sent me of him

I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him

But after checking out more of his videos on you tube

And going to his website

You could not possibly pity this dude

He is, without a doubt, a force of nature

And the next time I’m being a baby I think I’m having a bad day

I’m going to think of Nick

And suck it the fuck up!

Truly awesome