So first I read about this lady in Arkansas who got pregnant twice

AT. THE. SAME. TIME.

Not twins, not IVF

Just through plain old fashioned horizontal hokey-pokey

It’s kind of fucked up bizarre really

You can read the whole story HERE

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And then, not 10 minutes later

I read about about a woman in Indonesia who gave birth to an 18 pound baby

She had a c-section

But seriously, how the fuck else are you going to get that little buddha out else could you do it?

What was she eating while she was pregnant?

Entire restaurants?

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I started to think about the first lady

And what would happen if both her babies weighed as much as the Indonesian lady’s

And I crossed my legs just imagining it

And oh-my-God if I didn’t start to feel sick

And ended up having to have a lay down

With an ice-pack on my vajay-jay

We get to meet some amazing people out here on the road

Everyday, there’s at least one person who stays with you

In your thoughts, I mean

Over the years, we have met some incredible people with some equally incredible stories

I wanted to tell you about a kid Dad met years ago

I remember Dad coming home from one of his first tours in the 80′s

He told me all about a 10 year old kid he met.

He’d received a letter from this boy’s family, asking if Dad could maybe meet with him when he was doing a show in their town

His name was Tom

Tom was a huge fan

Tom had Cystic Fibrosis

His prognosis was, in Dad’s words, devastating

Tom was living in a remote outback town in Australia called Coober Pedy. It’s in South Australia, and is often referred to as the opal capital of the world

So the day that Dad met Tom was a great one

They hung out together

Dad took him in their plane for a ride

Took him to the soundcheck and let him check out how all the equipment works at the shows

Tom loved it

I know Dad was blown away by this little kid

Such a personality, with an amazing attitude to life and his illness

Long after Dad said goodbye to Tom, he was deeply affected by his story

Sometimes life is just bullshit isn’t it?

There was nothing fair about what was happening to Tom

Dad never heard anything from, or about Tom after that

But he never forgot

Some 15 years later, a guy cam up to Dad at a show in Sydney

Do you remember years ago when you met a sick kid in Coober Pedy?

Dad told him he did

Well, do you remember signing your Los Angeles Angels baseball cap for him?

Dad said, yeah, of course he remembered

Well I still have that hat

It was Tom

And didn’t that just bring us all undone?

So here’s Tom, who was never expected to make it, all these years later

With his beautiful fiance Kylie

Tom is getting married next year

Who says there are no happy endings?

I can’t believe the KIWI’S didn’t come up with this first

So we finally go to see our friend’s baby that I told you about here

And it was great

Fantastic even

‘Cause he wasn’t remotely cute and my ovaries didn’t start screaming at me AT ALL

I think you guys read my rambling crap blogs enough to know when I’m full of shit

Well that bit about the baby was total horseshit

I mean check him out

And oh-my-God did my biological clock start thundering in my brain

Clang-a-langin’ like a stampeding Malley Bull with cast iron knackers

Which is weird for me

Because before I had kids I used to sleep think that my biological clock was digital

Not a maternal bone in my body

Then I had Miss 5

Then I had a nervous breakdown Miss 4

And now?

Well, I think now I’d love another one

If I’m sober being sensible, I understand that touring and life on the road with a baby will do your fucking head in is not an easy task

In fact, it kind of sucks.

A lot

So there’s that reason

Then there’s the whole ‘Diamond said no fucking way’ thing to think about too

I mean, I’m sure if I got naked nagged and pouted long enough, I might be able to change his mind

So I guess for today he’d be feeling pretty fucking relieved safe being on the other side of the world

Although if you think about it, I guess I could get sperm from anywhere really

But I reckon he might get a bit suss if I came home with a black one