This is awesome

But it would never have worked at my wedding

Mainly because I didn’t have any friends a bridal party

Plus all the friends I DO have are uncoordinated spazzes terrible dancers

Checked out the Apple store here in Sydney the other day

One of the dorks guys that works there was telling me that someone actually DIED when the store opened

People were sleeping out because they’re fucked in the head for days before they had the officially opening, so that they could be crushed to death the first ones in there

I don’t get that

There’s nothing in the Apple store that you can’t buy online and get delivered to your door

Maybe that’s just how lazy chicks like me roll

There’s tonnes of other boring shit facts to know about this particular store

* It’s the 215th Apple Store, and the first in the Southern Hemisphere 

* It’a one of the biggest stores (although not the biggest, that title goes to Boston) standing three storeys

* The floor is made of marble shipped in from Italy where Apple has its own quarry, and every piece is perfect and flawless

* There are macs for anyone to use to check their email or browse the web

* It’s made from the largest sheets of plate glass in the world at more than 15 meters a piece

One of the things they DO have that we liked was a Kid Apple Camp

For kids on school holidays to learn about Mac computers

Dad and I tried to sneak in but we nearly got arrested they were full

It’s actually a pretty cool looking shop

And Dad gets crazy excited whenever he’s in close proximity to a Mac Store

Kinda like me near a buffet table shoe shop 

But the reason I went to check out this one was mainly to see someone face to face about all the problems I’ve been having with my Mac

But apparently to meet with a wanker in person an ‘expert from the genius bar’ you have to have an appointment

Well I didn’t HAVE an appointment

So they gave me the next available slot

Next fucking Wednesday

I’m not smiling anymore

I am loving having the girls out here on the road

They grew out of having naps a long time ago

But I’ve been running them ragged on this trip 

And tried my best to get them to have a nanna nap with me on the couch

YAY FOR MEEEEEE!

Driving to the DISNEY PRINCESSES that I totally didn’t end up seeing

This Asian guy pulls up next our taxi

Really cool car – NOT

I think it was a hotted-up Corolla or something close to it

A real chick magnet

Fancy rims, flashing lights

A pair of undies hanging of the rear vision mirror

I know all the girls reading this are getting moist already

Puny Asian guys, driving little extensions of their penis’ , giving you the eye

Horny is an understatement

And then he cranked up his stereo and gave me his best, ‘you know you want somma this’ look

And just when I thought he couldn’t get any hotter

Guess what song he was playing?

Guns ‘n’ Roses?

Bon Jovi?

Springsteen?

Nope

He was rocking out to Barry Mannilow

Barry Mannilow singing, “Oh fucking Mandy”

I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.

I think I’ve just found my next husband!