I was so proud when my eldest daughter learnt to read.

I love to read – and so far it seems that she’s got the bug.

Hopefully her choice of reading material is a little more challenging than mine

I’m more of a crappy magazine, brainless murder mystery book kinda gal.

Maybe she’ll choose the educational get ya into a good college route.

Finger’s crossed

I remember when she was younger and would grab one of my cds and point to my picture and squeal,

“MAMA!”

Then she would ask what the writing on the back was, and I’d answer, 

“Just the names of the songs”

Today she came out of my office with my latest album in her hand and asked,

“Mummy, can you teach me the Camel Toe song?

Glad she’s reading? 

Maybe not so much…

I’m at the library

It’s a requirement that I bring the girls here once a week so I can retain my ‘mother of the year’ title

There are bloody kids everywhere 

Some of them are arseholes

Running around, screaming, throwing stuff

Please excuse me while I just go over and lock the loudest one in the disabled toilet

Click

Now that felt good

How do you like THAT ya little bastard?? Let’s keep it between us though, OK?

Not sure if that kind of discipline is in the “How To Be A Perfect Mother” handbook that I carry with me at all times

Bloody should be though

Maybe I should write my own parenting book

Chapter one:

What do you mean I’m fucking pregnant?

I know I’ve blogged about this before

It’s one of those things that just needs to be said again

Especially when I had to go back and do it again!

Mammogram people. I’m talking mamm-OH my fucking god -grams

Boys – be so glad you don’t have ta-tas

Although you do have testicles. But I believe a check-up for those is more of a pleasant ‘grope’.

It’s definitely not a tear inducing – wishing I never grew these fuckers – absolute pancaking!

If only I’d recorded audio to go along with the photos

That would have got ya laughing

It’s all good though. 

The twins are fine and I get to keep them

Yay for my husband me!

I’ve always liked the idea of having a dog to get me off my arse have as a walking buddy

A big dog gives you value for money in two ways

1.) He’s big – so he runs fast – making me at least get a ‘trot’ going

2.) He’s big – so he scares of potential muggers

Number 2 is only good if the muggers aren’t midgets.

Especially if those midgets are traveling in packs

In that case, the dog just lays down and lets the midgets have their way

Fluffy, Fluffy, Fluffy…

You’re a soft-cock