By JENNY TALIA

BOTH BARRELS MUSIC

I was on holidays touring through DC

And before I left I decided to see

The White House, on one of those 2 hour guided tours

Grabbed me camera and a drink

And started thinking

What I’d say to George Dubya

If I passed him in the halls

NO MORE BUSH (fuck off)

I think it’s time for you to go

NO MORE BUSH (fuck off)

Let someone else run the show

Someone who knows what they’re doing

Who’s not related to you

Someone with an IQ

NO MORE BUSH – NO MORE BUSH -NO MORE BUSH

NA NA NANANA NO MORE BUSH (fuck off)

I’ve never been real political

And I try not to be too critical

Cause it mush be a bloody tough job

Being the world’s mentor

But fair crack of the whip

It’s been one hell of a trip

With a dick like you fucking up

Left right and centre

CHORUS

Now Clinton was a walking erection

But geez, at least he won his election

And got dragged over the coals for his sins

But you can start wars

And you can tell lies

Republicans think that’s just fine

Cause they know they’ll never catch anyone sucking your dick

(‘Cept Cheney of course!)

CHORUS

When Hillary comes in to take your place

I hope she gets us girls to shave

Our mutts, ‘til they’re bald. Yep! Front to tush!

And with one hand on the bible she’ll get sworn in

The other will lift up her skirt and she’ll sing

READ! MY! LIPS!

CHORUS

By JENNY TALIA

BOTH BARRELS MUSIC

Saw an add in a magazine for ‘Supa-Face 2000’

The latest discovery, in facelift technology

Thought, “I could sure use some of that now”

It’s not that I mind the laugh lines

Or the crows feet around me eyes

It’s these drooping lids and saggy bits

Making me look old and tired

So here I am at the doctors office

Laying face down on the bed

She said, “I have here the Supa-Face 2000

I will now insert the knob in the back of your neck”

“So from now on you won’t be looking like you’ve been

Shagging all night and hung out wet

You can give yourself a facelift

Just turn this knob on the back of you head

It will pull the skin up on your face

Make it a little more tight

Once a month though, no more than that

Don’t want you looking like Frankenstein’s Bride!”

So ‘bout an hour later off I went

With me ‘Supa-Face 2000’ installed

Had a bounce in me step and a dent in my wallet

But I was Queen of the World!

Caught me reflection in the window as I walked past

And thought to myself ‘“oh what the fuck”

Might as well try it out now

Just a little twist for luck

I could feel it working straight away

A little tingle all over me face

Looked at my reflection again

Holy Shit I’m a FUCKING BABE!

This ‘Supa-Face 2000” is a bloody miracle

And it didn’t even hurt

I’m an 11 outta 10 (that’s a 10 that swallows)

The blokes are gonna go berserk!

Time went on and I tried to be strong

But it was hard to resist

With each look in the mirror I couldn’t help myself

Just one more little twist

I went back to the doctor 2 weeks later

For me follow up visit

I told him, “Doc this thing amaaazing

I’m fucking in love with it”

“Only one thing I’ve notice though

I’ve started getting these bags under my eyes

I tried turning the knob

But they just seem to get bigger

Is there anything else I should try?”

“Let me see now…Hmmmm”

“Oh Miss Jenny you didn’t listen

You have given one too many twist

Those are not being bags under your eyes

My dear those are your tits!”

“Oh’ that’d explain the goatie then!”

By JENNY TALIA

BOTH BARRELS MUSIC

It started as a crush

When I’d get a little flush

Whenever I saw you playing soccer on the tube

Now you’re pictures cover me walls

In your shorts holding your balls

And I dream about you and me, all sweaty and nude

Oh I’d love to bump uglies with you David Beckham

I’d go down on my knees for you and swallow in a second

You’re gorgeous, you’re lovely – shame you’re married to that fugly

So a threesome out of the question

But I love you David Beckham

Life is like a box of chocolates

But you don’t have to always cum in a posh box

Every man needs a bit of variety now and then

So here, I’ll just slip you my number

Cause I’m sure sometimes you must wonder

What it’s like to jump bones with a bit of meat on them

CHORUS

You call yourself a metro sexual

But it shouldn’t take too long to get your

Eyebrows to grow back to the way they were before

See Davey I’m a bit concerned about you feminine side

So I’m hoping that you won’t mind

Me sarongs and skirts and knickers staying locked up in a drawer

CHORUS

I can forgive ya for Rebecca Loos

And your weirdo mate Tom Cruise

Everyone’s always hanging shit on you, and that’s not nice

They should stick to your other half

She makes a much better target

Me and the girls at work call her “waste of spice!”

CHORUS

So if you’re feeling like a bit on the side

Give me a call Davey, don’t be shy

I’ll show ya how a real woman get’s it done

You be the striker I’ll be the stroker

I’ll bend like Beckham and squeal and moan

I won’t ever sell the pictures once we’re done (I’ll just show me mates!)

CHORUS

Giver  her some beer and chips to fatten her up

Then maybe David Beckham

She’d still have to have a bag on her head but

OK David Beckham