Things in Hidden Spaces

Parody by JENNY TALIA

Blame it all on the booze

And your shitty mood

For helping me to see the light

We were the last ones to show

And the first ones to go

Cause you got drunk

And we had a fight

And no I didn’t mean

To cause a big scene

When I threw my glass of champagne

Right in you face

Said. “Hey get outta my space!”

Hope I never see you again

‘Cause I’ve got things in hidden spaces

And you’ll never find my hiding places

For my special toys

That bring me joy

‘Cause I’m not big on porno movies

And the other things you like to do

Cause I’ve got things in hidden spaces

Well I guess I was right

When I left you that night

‘Cause I haven’t stopped smiling since then

Got my bag of tricks

Full of dildos and dicks

Who said diamonds are a girl’s best friend?

‘Cause piled under my bed

And stacked back in the shed

I’ve got gadgets that’d make you blush

They get me so high

Bring a tear your eye

Ain’t no man I know – can match that rush

CHORUS

So I’ll be OK

Now you’ve gone away

THE BASTARD SONG

By JENNY TALIA

BOTH BARRELS MUSIC

You hurt me when I found out

What you’d been up to

Sellin’ pictures, on the internet

Of me in the nude

Now you say it’s all over

While you piss yourself laughin’

It may be over for you

But for me it’s just started

My mission in life is to make yours hell…Bastard

There’s just some things you shouldn’t do to a girl…Bastard

And a thing about me you didn’t reckon on

I go from zero to bitch in point eight seconds

‘N you’re about to get a little bit of gravel in your face…

Bastard

Now where should I start, I’ll start with your car…Bastard

You loved that care more than me by far…Bastard

Fill the tank fulla sugar, drain in the oil tank dry

Scratch bastard on the bonnet ‘n slash the tyres

Wankers like you shouldn’t be allowed to drive ….Bastard

And what about all your red neck mates…Bastards

A bunch of chronic masturbators…Bastards

Burpin’, fartin’, drinkin’ beer all day

Wonder what they’re gonna have to say?

When I call ’em all up and tell ‘em you’re gay…Bastard

CHORUS

Now lets talk about penile size…Bastard

Didn’t even touch the sides…Bastard

Told my friends you gotta sit down to pee

Seen bigger peckers on a dead mosquito

And you masturbate with a pair of tweezers…Bastard

So back to me pictures on the internet…Bastard

You’re about as low as a bastard gets…Bastard

Off all those sperm fightin’for life

How come you were the one that survived?

I reckon ya Mum should’ve swallowed that night…Bastard

My mission in life is to make yours hell…Bastard

There’s just some things you shouldn’t do to a girl…Bastard

And sweet revenge is best served cold so always be lookin’

Over your shoulder

Some women get nasty as they get a little older…Bastard

My mission in life is to make yours hell…Bastard

There’s just some things you shouldn’t do to a girl…Bastard

Hell have no fury like a woman driven

So I ain’t forgettin’ and I ain’t forgiven

You must’ve forgot I write songs for a livin’…Bastard

….Bastard

Parody by JENNY TALIA

Bust was flat and had no boobs

Waitin’ for a trainer … bra

My girlfriends all had knockers before me

I tried pills and potions and Wonder Bra’s

Just to pad me up

Wishin’ I could look like Pamela Lee

One day near my sixteenth birthday

I stood before the mirror

Lookin ‘ for the change I’d hope to find

I stopped and stared in disbelief

Could this be really me I see

With the biggest set of jugs you’d ever seen

Freedom’s just another word for swingin’ in the breeze

In an old t-shirt and faded pair of jeans

Feelin’ good is easy with a pair of Double D’s

How’d ya like have a set like these

Good enough for me and Pamela Lee

From  the Goldmines of Kalgoorlie

To the Queensland Gold Coast sun

As a meter maid I really made my mark

I caused whiplash, tail backs, traffic jams

Everywhere I went

Yobbo’s cruisin’, tryin’ to park their cars

Then one day crossing an intersection

I dropped my bag of coins

I bent over to pick ’em up off the street

My bra strap broke my tits fell out

Through screechin ‘ tyres ‘n’ whistles ‘n’ shouts I caused

The biggest prang Australia had ever seen

CHORUS

I call ‘em me funbags I can ‘em me friends

The best bait you can use when you’re trawlin for men

Me and these are just like Pamela Lee’s

Norks, bazookers, boobs, gazonkers

Boulders, melons, hooters, honkers

Me and these are just like Pamela Lee’s

CHORUS