HOW CAN I BE UNDER YOU (WHEN I’M NOT OVER HIM)

By BECCY COLE & TAMARA STEWART

How can I be under you when I’m not over him

How can I just give you one when I’m still suffering

I’m not saying you don’t pop my cork it’s just the state I’m in

So how can I be under you when I’m not over him

I guess you thought I fell for you

But under lights so dim

A few more wines and a doxen beers

You’d almost look like him

But he’s on a beach in Bali

Sipping wine with his new flame

While I’m on my back in Bundaberg

Calling you by his name

How can I be under you when I’m not over him

How can I just give you one when I’m still suffering

I’m not saying you don’t pop my cork it’s just the state I’m in

So how can I be under you when I’m not over him

I guess I’m not the kid of girl

Who goes for one-night flings

I was raised on fairytales

Where good Queens get their Kings

But out here in the real world

Cinderella’s lost her shoe

And by the time that clock struck midnight

I’d lost me knickers too

How can I be under you when I’m not over him

How can I just give you one when I’m still suffering

I’m not saying you don’t pop my cork it’s just the state I’m in

So how can I be under you when I’m not over him

TAKE IT LIKE A MAN

By KEVIN BLOODY WILSON
BOTH BARRELS MUSIC

Darling thank you

For the brand-new, super-duper dildo

You say that it’s

The biggest one they had

But I’m PMT

And if that’s meant for me

Then there’s been a change of plans

So bend over – and take it like a man’

Darling bend over

And take it like a man

Let’s share the pleasure, darlin’

Let me show how much I care

So spread those hairy butt-cheeks in the air

And bend over

And take it like a man’

Darling, gonna thank you

With the brand-new super-duper dildo

With you tied spread-eagled

Face down on the bed

And I’ve bolted it on to

The Black ‘n’ Decker

So lift your arse up in the air

And bend over

And take it like a man’

CHORUS

Darling, so thank you

For the brand-new super-duper dildo

As I dunk it in

The jar beside the bed

Was that KY gel

Or chilli sauce?

I could not give a damn

Just bend over

And take it like a man’

CHORUS

TRASHVILLE WANKER SONG

By KEVIN BLOODY WILSON
BOTH BARRELS MUSIC

I’d like to thank all the wankers I’ve met

Who got me to singin’ in Nashville

If I hadn’t met ‘em all when I did

I’d still be singin’ in trashville

Now I’m livin’ on easy street

Singin’ songs about them arseholes

So I’d like to thank all the wankers I met

Who got me to singin’ in Naaaashville

First love, first kiss and my first broken heart

First time I got to figurin’ out

All men are bastards

And every time one came and went

I’d write another bitchy poem

So in a convoluted sort of way

It was them wankers that got me goin’

I’d like to thank all the wankers I’ve met

Who got me to singin’ in Nashville

If I hadn’t met ‘em all when I did

I’d still be singin’ in trashville

Now I’m livin’ on easy street

Singin’ songs about them arseholes

So I’d like to thank all the wankers I met

Who got me to singin’ in Nashville

Learned guitar and then my every broken heart

Became a broken hearted song, confirming

All men are bastards

So to those dickheads who begged and begged

For me to go all the way

You wish is granted wanker

‘Cause just look at me here today…I’ve made it

I’d like to thank all the wankers I’ve met

Who got me to singin’ in Nashville

If I hadn’t met ‘em all when I did

I’d still be singin’ in trashville

Now I’m livin’ on easy street

Singin’ songs about them arseholes

So I’d like to thank all the wankers I met

Who got me to singin’ in Naaaashville

THESE BOOBS

Parody by JENNY TALIA

You keep sayin’ that I look so pretty

You keep sayin’ that I look so hot

You say I’m all you look for in a woman

Playing cool but cool is one thing you’re not

‘Cause these boobs don’t do the talking

That’s one thing they don’t do

So fuck off mate before I pour

This drink all over you…

Mate

You keep trying all your best lines on me

Like great legs… what time do they stay open to?…Huh!

You’ve been dribblin’ shit since you first got here

And no dickhead me Dad don’t own a brewery

And these boobs don’t do the talking

That’s one thing they don’t do

So fuck off mate before I

Crake this bottle over you…Mate

Buyin’ shooters for me tryin’ to get me plastered

And not once have you looked me in the eye

Thinkin’ you’re a chance to get into my panties

But they’ll only fit one arsehole at a time

‘Cause these boobs don’t do the talking

That’s one thing they don’t do

So fuck off mate before I sic the bouncer

Onto you…

Are you ready Boobs?

Let’s do the talking’

Security!!

Maaate